I can’t hold back on this any more. This bullshit has gone on long enough. Time for me to make a flaming anus of myself and voice a highly unpopular opinion.
Namely that the whole concept of “demisexuality” is dangerous bullshit that makes the world a worse place by isolating people in bubbles of false identity when we are far better off remembering that we are one in our common humanity, not subsubsubdirectories in the file system of the human race.
Let’s start with a definition from the Wikipedia article :
A demisexual person does not experience sexual attraction until they have formed a strong emotional connection with a prospective partner.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gray_asexuality#Demisexuality
Now cards on the table, the main reason I am so mad about this horsecrap is because that describes me and I refuse to be pathologized.
Needing an emotional connection before sexual attraction does not make me special or part of a unique group or any flavour of asexual.
Don’t get me started on asexuality in general. Just don’t.
In fact, not that long ago, it was assumed that the definition listed above applied to all women, across the board!
If anything, it should be the people who can get attracted without an emotional connection who are the weird ones.
I mean, what, exactly, are they attracted to? Body parts? Abstract geometry? Some sort of fantasy in their heads?
Personally, I am attracted to people, and people have emotions.
Emotions, thought, reactions, opinions, preferences, ideas,,,, all the things that make people individuals, and interesting, and desirable to me.
If all you care about is body part, go fuck a mannequin.
In fact, I think most people need some form of emotional connection before they are attracted to someone, they just don’t know it because that connection is presumed.
Sure, some horned up frat boy drooling over a big titted cheerleader is not consciously thinking about her mind, but he would be way less turned on if there wasn’t one.
If she was a vegetable or a dummy or a video game character or a RealDoll, he would not be nearly so excited to sleep with her.
But what really worries me about these identity labels is that I think they lead people, especially naïve young people, to make something a permanent part of their identity when it may well be a transitory part of their development.
Like, say someone reads up on asexuality, decides it applies to them, declares themselves to be part of that community, joins forums, goes to events, makes friends in asexual circles, and enjoys the thrill of the whole identity inclusion cycle for say a year.
But then…. start to feel different. Starts to feel horny. Like, all the time.
Are they going to make a break with their newfound community? Ghost all their asexual buddies? Tear the asexual flags off their walls and backpacks? Tell the people on the forums to go unfuck themselves?
Of course not. They’re going to suppress this new truth about themselves and go on pretending to be asexual while hiding their true sexuality from all their friends.
And isn’t that the thing we’re trying to make sure people don’t have to do any more?
That’s what worries me. I don’t want people making potentially temporary things a permanent part of their identity and boxing themselves in.
I remember when people just said they had a low sex drive. What was wrong with that?
Or how about “not very interested in sex right now”?
Or “just now getting really good at masturbating?”
Why take on this big restrictive label when it’s totally not necessary?
Keep your options open, kids. You don’t even know who you are yet.
Then again, neither do I…..
More after the break.
I wanna do the stupid thing
But I’m not going to.
Not all of it, anyhow.
I just played Oblivion for quite a while and now I have stopped because it’s time for me to eat and blog.
But I don’t want to eat and blog,
I want to take a nap.
This is my pattern in the last month and change. I guess I don’t have the endurance I used to. Instead of switching modes from the gameplay to the ol eat n’ blog, I end up laying down for a while because I am so tired.
So tired that I am not even hungry, though I totally should be by now.
Ergo, I end up napping, and then I end up not eating until hours after when I should, which throws my whole schedule off.
And instead of eating my meals at regular intervals, like I know I should for a whole host of reasons, I end up eating my “supper” at 10 pm and then my “snack” at midnight, or something else equally absurd.
I can’t live like this. I can’t lose one of the only bits of regularity I have been able to establish and maintain. I can’t eat at random times because I constantly end up sleepy when I should be hungry.
Fighting the sleepy. Still looking for the hungry.
And that’s what it will take to set things right : the will and grit to fight the sleepiness and stay awake until the eating and writing are done.
I have fallen into a dangerous state of indolent decadence. One where I almost never resist the urge to sleep of my own free will.
It’s only when there is something external I need to do, like hang out with my friends or go to Wound Care or whatever, that I fight sleep.
And therefore I sleep a lot. Some days it feels like all I have the ambition to do is sleep. That being awake is useful only in that it makes me sleepy again and that every waking moment is secret spent just waiting for the chance to go to sleep again.
This is not good.
I am not dead.
Life is worth living, I swear.
I just don’t remember why right now.
It’ll come to me.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.