Today’s been fun.

WARNING : Gross stuff involving body fluids coming up.

So I get up and I am playing my video game while I slowly wake up when I suddenly get that special terrible feeling that tells me my blood sugar is crashing.

Oh shit oh shit oh shit.

So I managed to stagger to my feet and lumber into the kitchen to grab my leftover Pizza Slut and an apple from the fridge. Got back to the Home Base here in front of this computer of mine and started eating the heck out of that apple.

I started there because it was the sweetest thing I had and I wanted to get some simple sugars into me as fast as I could.

So I finish the apple and start in on a cheesy breadstick when I notice that I am getting this very heavy congested feeling in my upper chest.

Had I been calmer and more awake, I would have recognized this warning sign. But as it was, I was shocked when I suddenly horked up a big ball of phlegm and good.

Told ya it was going to get gross.

Worse is yet to come.

What followed was my being unable to swallow anything without it coming right back up and thus having no choice but to spend the next hour horking up yet more balls of undigested food and goo until finally I cleared it all and could breath normally again.

Oh right. It was making it hard to breathe, too.

So that was pretty fucking awful. For a while I was contemplating a 9/11 call because being unable to swallow is a rather serious symptom.

So is all that horking, for that matter.

But luckily I was able to clear it on my own.

I’ve had attacks like this before. Dunno WTF it is besides deeply unpleasant. Doesn’t happen nearly often enough to tell a doctor about. Not with everything else I got going wrong with me.

Once I am clear, I become quite sleepy from the aftermath of all that stress and fear, so I go to bed.

Wake up and immediately realize I needed to poop.

I mean, that’s what that weird tingling feeling in my back forty must mean, right?

Sat up and went from “I need to poop” to “OH GOD NO” in half a heartbeat. Bolted for the bathroom and got seated as fast as I good, but I knew there had been…. leakage.

So that was real fun to have to clean up.

So this morning’s itinerary was :

1. Blood sugar crash. Had to dash to the kitchen to grab some food to eat so that I do not die.
2. Bizarre food getting trapped in my chest somehow thing. Had to spend a long time horking up nastiness before I could breathe and swallow again.
3. Sudden dire incontinence. Another dash, this time to the toilet. Did not quite make it in time, had to clean up little messes.

God I hope that’s everything.

More after the break.

Time for timer

Just think, at some point, some exec said “You know who the kids will really relate to? This pear on legs with an old fashioned watch. Oh, and make sure he has a voice like a less butch Jim Nabors. Yeah, that’s the ticket. ”

Anyhow, today, the timer in question is the one that determines how long I can stay upright before collapsing.

I think that particular hourglass has a little less sand in it every day. Eventually, it will run out too fast for me to be able to do much of anything,

Going to the kitchen and back will be out of the question, let alone making it to the car.

At that point, I will have to give in and declare myself crippled and go to the ER.

I should probably be proactive and get myself some crutches or braces first.

I like the idea of braces or some other, similar structural support system. That seems like the least obtrusive solution. No having to support my weight on my armpits. no having to learn to navigate the world in a wheelchair, no enduring the brutal indignity of a freaking walker.

I would still have to learn to put on and use the braces, of course. But they at least seem like they would make me feel more whole and let me walk upright.

Still, I will take the advice of whoever handles my inquiries at Regency Pharmacy. Not blindly, of course, because their interest is in getting the most money from me, not in making me happy per se.

But still, I assume they know more about their field of expertise than I do.

I assume this will costs me a fair bit no matter what. For the most part, people are not shopping for medical prosthetics at Regency because they want to. They have no choice – they need those crutches (or whatever) in order to function at all.

They are, therefore, inherently highly motivated buyers and that tends to drive the prices of things up something fierce.

Kind of like those bastards in the funeral industry.

One good question is whether the province will pay for this kind of thing for me given that I am on full disability.

One would think the answer is yes. I mean, I assume that people with disabilities worse than mine are not expected to pay for their own wheelchairs or colostomy bags or prosthetics or whatever.

I imagine the folks at Regency would know a thing or two about that.

 If not, I can always call the welfare office. In general, I prefer to leave them alone and not draw their attention, but for the right cause I will risk it.

Not that I have any reason for this paranoia. It’s not like being on welfare, where somke of them are just aching for an excuse to kick you off it.

When you are on full disability, it’s assumed that’s permanent.

Oh well, As usual, I am sure I will figure things out eventually.

And I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.