Pretty sure I’ve used that title before. Oh well.
New (ish) today : a delivery via Instacart is on its way. It’s a grocery delivery services in the same way that Uber Eats is a food delivery services and I have used them a couple times before, but not recently
But I needed a few things and my usual grocery destination, the Sav-on Foods at Ironwood, still has their ridiculous “$40 minimum order for delivery” policy, so I figured I might as well give them another shot.
And it’s a lot of fun because you can type in what you want and get results from every grocery and convenience store in your area.
Which is great for bargain hunters.
I am not one, in general. I would describe myself more as “very open to bargains but not inclined to actively hunt for them”.
Because honestly, for me, bargain hunting can almost never survive cost/benefit analysis. At least at the grocery store level.
Like, how much effort am I going to put into saving 15 cents on a can of yams?
Mainly, the point of my giving Instacart another try is that I have grown increasingly dissatisfied with the Ironwood Sav-on and I want to try other options for my weekly groceries and I figured Instacart was a great place to start.
In theory, I could order ten different things from ten different stores via Instacart, though I am pretty sure that would rack up a LOT of fees and tips.
So all my stuff is coming from Real Canadian Superstore. This is the perfect way to shop from RCS, because I still get their wide selection and low prices without having to bag my own stuff.
I hate bagging my own stuff. Not that it’s complicated or difficult.
But you can take the boy out of the middle class but you can’t take the middle class out of the boy. And to my mind, that’s somebody else’s job, not mine.
Hmm. My delivery window is between 3 pm and 5 pm, and it’s 4:45 pm. Nervous.
Oh well, it’s hardly mission critical.
The other event of the day is that I will be going in for a CT scan at 7 pm tonight.
Once more, I am having my head examined.
And none too soon after my recent terrifying but thankfully temporary speech issue. That might well have been a TIA, or “mini-stroke”. and I need answers.
I really don’t want to end up even more crippled than I am.
Especially not my powers of speech.
The CT scan is no big deal to me. I’ve had plenty of them. I know where Medical Imaging is in Richmond Hospital, I know I don’t have an adverse reaction to the tracer dye they use, I am quite used to the freaky cool science fiction noises it makes, like I am in a death trap arranged by supervillain obsessed with hard drives, so I am good.
Suck a bit having to deal with the Actual Winter out there to get there and back. It was nuts getting to and from Wound Care yesterday. A foot of snow on the roads, unplowed,. and traffic full of people who are not used to this at all.
If I had any nostalgic longing for Real Winter left in me, that killed it.
Bring back the wetness!
More after the break.
On stopping not doing things
Let’s talk about my aversions.
Patient readers know that I have a serious issue with aversions. I develop them with ease and get rid of them only with enormous effort.
Or, to put it simply but confusingly, once I start not doing something, it is extremely hard for me to start doing it again,
I don’t know why this is. It could be seen as a manifestation of depression’s anti-action bias, I suppose. My mind is so geared against doing things that the second I internally express not wanting to do something, my subconscious mind pounces and starts filling in the tunnel like in an Indiana Jones movies so that I can NEVER do that thing.
Or at least, that’s how it feels. Like we’ve tilted the cartoonish metaphor on its side now and the thing I decided not to do is in a hole in the ground with a lid, and my subconscious mind immediately starts piling heavy stones on the lid to make it harder and harder to lift.
Well this shit has to stop. And it starts with lifting the goddamned lid anyway.
Ignore the bullshit messages my depressed mind uses to convince me that everything is impossible, summon up my mighty mental muscle, and flip that fucker.
Basically, I want to stop believing my depressed mind’s negative inputs. I will view with great hostility and suspicion any suggestion that something is impossible for me, or can never happen, or that I am powerless to steer my own fate.
You know why? Because I’m fucking awesome. I’m amazing. I have nigh-miraculous abilities that let me do astounding thing and that means I have power
Yes, power, motherfuckers. I am through with denying my own power because I didn’t want the responsibility. I am sick and tired of being afraid of myself. I am going to seize the reins of my mighty steed and ride that big dicked fucker all the way to the top.
I’m gonna get me some of the good stuff before I am too old to enjoy it. I’m gonna get a great place to live, a really nice British luxury vehicle, a very generous travel budget, and oodles of the very best nerd toys.
And it all will be MINE.
And all I got to do is released my black beast and ride it to the top.
Yeah. I can do this. It’s time to enter my yuppie phase.
I got the power. I just need to have the guts to use it.
And you know what? I might not use it in a responsible fashion. I might use it entirely for my own enrichment and entertainment. I might, in fact, make it all about me.
I’ve hidden my light under a bushel for way too long.
Now I’m gonna burn that bushel down.
I finally got some ambition, baby!
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.