So after months of my usual dithering, where I buy a game and try it out then return it out of panic when the deadline draws near, I finally made a commitment.
Because I serious issues with making a decision and sticking with it.
Well I am sick of it. I have bought a new game and I am NOT going to be returning it to Steam no matter what!
Because I am steadfast, I am determined, and I bought it via a third party vendor so I can’t return it anyway.
The game is the notorious No Man’s Sky. Notorious because after many long years of escalating hype caused by this mind meltingly awesome trailer :
…when the game was finally released it was a buggy piece o’ crap that did not include most of the really cool features people had been promised.
What a clusterfuck!
I think it was the first AAA game to have this kind of difficult birth. Nowadays, it is all too fucking common for top of the line games to come out and be basically beta versions.
Because why spend precious money testing the game properly when you can get the players to do it via bug reporting!
Makes me sick.
Anyhow, No Man’s Sky came out in 2016 so they have had seven years to patch things and make them actually work, and word on the Net is that it’s actually a fantastic game that is well worth playing and actually quite a good game now.
And I really crave a space exploration game with maybe a hint of space empire thrown in, and No Man’s Sky fits the bill. Now.
So I bought it, I downloaded it, and I will try it after I take a bit of a rest.
Lord, let it work on my computer.
’cause I am kinda stuck with it now.
More after the break.
Well I feel good because I took care of making an appointment to see Doctor Caswell so I can get her to fill out a Special Authority form so I can get my sensors for the Freestyle Libre 2 glucometer and finally control my frigging diabetes!
Except, of course, there was a complication. Since it has been almost a year since I darkened Doctor Caswell’s door, her office needs a fresh referral from Doctor Chao, my GP, in order to be able to bill properly.
So Doctor Caswell’s people are sending a referral request to Doctor Chau’s people. But they also wanted me to call Doctor Chao’s office myself.
No prob. So I called and told Doc Chao’s secretary to expect a referral request soon and that I would appreciate it if Doc Chao would fulfill it.
It took some time but the secretary slowly pierced together what I meant. She is going to call me when the referral goes through.
Then Doctor Caswell’s office will call me with the appointment.
My, my social calendar is full lately. Not only do I have that stuff going on, but I had Wound Care this morning and tomorrow night I have a chest CT at RGH.
The same chest CT I would have gotten after my visit with Doctor Teal at the Stroke Prevention Clinic last week if it hadn’t been for ramps.
I am proud that I handled all that, random complications and all, long enough to get it done instead of falling apart at the first unexpected event.
Ya know, I am much stronger, more competent, and a lot more resilient than I have usually given myself credit for. I really want to erase those old tapes in my head and learn to remember that I can get shit done. I don’t always have to surrender and get someone else to do it.
Take that, ghost of my siblings past!
Why the fog
Basically, the purpose of the omnipresent fog in my mind is to hide reality.
It’s how my mind copes with how overstimulating and overwhelming reality can be. The fog acts like a filter to turn the volume down on life.
Healthy people just get used to it, I suppose.
But I ain’t healthy.
The fact that overstimulation keeps coming up in my self-examinations adds weight to the notion that I have Asperger’s.
Just because I don’t respond to bad stimuli by rolling on the floor squealing and pawing at my ears doesn’t mean that I don’t have that Aspie relationship with my senses.
In fact I can easily imagine scenarios in which a bad stimulus makes it so I have to leave the room to get away from it before I really do have a deep down freakout.
The kind so strong you don’t remember anything about them after.
The fact that this has yet to happen in my life is largely due to I have spent my entire adult life in front of a computer in a bedroom somewhere.
All very quiet and controlled environments, perfect for delicate hothouse flowers who can’t bear the hubbub of ordinary life like me.
And for extra protection, I got the brain fog.
Yes folks, my brain is all fogged up.
And it protects me, but at such a price! It’s why I am always becoming so confused and lost and a big part of why I am do clumsy.
Because that fog ain’t water. It’s liquid anesthetic that numbs what it touches.
So I go around numb and it keeps me from thinking things through or knowing exactly where I am or really having any solid realtime relationship with my surroundings.
No wonder I am so awkward and clumsy. I only experience my surroundings in little glimpses before disappearing back into the bunker of my mind.
I really should execute my plan to spend time outside, sans tablet, just soaking in the fresh air and relaxing as I come into harmony with my environs.
It seemed to help me a lot when I would do it on the way home from VFS, way back when. I would come away from it feeling more at peace and chill.
But I am so unhealthy now. The ship may have sailed on that. Now it’s all I can do to make it to the car and back now and then.
And it’s January, so it’s not exactly nice out.
I will ponder the problem and see if I can clever up a solution,.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.