SO I am probably not going to end up returning the incorrect RAM I bought.
Which means Amazon wins because they have successfully made it such a hassle to just freaking return something that I am giving up and investigating alternate routes.
I am going to give craigslist a try.
You know. This place.
Reminds me of something that still pisses me off to this day : the disappearance of the craigslist personals section.
It happened just as I was coming out of my shell and messaging guys on there and pondering doing hookups and all that good shit.
One day I was a happy little homo, messaging away and starting to strut my stuff, and the next the whole personals section was just gone, baby, gone.
According to this article, they were taken down after Congress passed an anti-child trafficking law that would have made companies criminally liable if someone misused their personals section for illegal purposes.
That’s criminally stupid. It’s not like there was a “for sale by parents” or “child sex services” section of the damned site. They already had ways to shut that shit down hard, one would presume. Nuking the entire personals section for every single craigslist in the world because of a theoretical liability for a very unlikely crime is utter madness and makes no sense at all.
Which is how I know that this law is not the real reason they shut it all down. That’s just the excuse they used to do what they had wanted to do all along.
The real reason they shut down the craigslist personals is that a lot of us freaky type people were communicating and hooking up with one another via said personals and that made the people behind craigslist very, very nervous.
Even though nobody was getting hurt. It was just consenting adults finding one another for private sexytimes fun.
But whenever us freaky type people find a place to relax, be ourselves, and let out freak flags fly, there are going to be those who find the mere presence of such open and free sexuality intolerable and those people will always find an excuse to shut things down.
It occurs to me that what all us freaks should have done at the time is invade all the other areas of craigslist and start using THEM as our perverted playground.
And if anyone complained, tell them well there USED to be a place where we could do all this far away from the public eye, but SOMEONE shut that down.
We furries can be as freaky as we want to be because we have our own little slice of the internet to ourselves and so we don’t make people feel like there are a bunch of wild eyed weirdos getting way too close to them.
Even then, we have to be vigilant and when necessary we have to self-regulate by coming down hard on those who refuse to play nice and not spook the herd.
That’s what dooms a lot of subcultures : the inability to punish bad actors.
Luckily, so far, we haven’t had that problem.
I hate excluding people as much as any weirdo, but sometimes, ya gotta.
More after the break.
The high cost of not caring
Lately, it seems to me that the worst symptom of my depression in terms of actual damage to my life and self-interest is the apathy.
Because for me, the worst symptoms are never the sadness or the pain. It’s the nothing,. Emptiness. The void within.
The absolute and deadly silence of the devourer of all things.
The black hole at the center of my soul.
It’s the apathy that keeps me from doing all the things I should be doing, as well as a lot of things I want to be doing too.
Exercising. Keeping my blood sugar under control. Looking for ways to expand and improve my life. Trying to meet new people online. Going back to school.
The list goes on and on. All great ideas. All utterly doomed.
But the brutal truth is that I just don’t care. Not in any meaningful way. Not in a way that stands a snowflake’s chance on the surface of the Sun’s chance of happening.
Because I am just too god damned numb.
But not entirely numb, When I can stand to think about all those I should care about, I do feel a tiny tingle of something vaguely like motivation in some frozen corner of my mind, far away from the light.
But it dies right away because there is no way for it to actually reach the action part of my brain. There is way too much numb flabby paralyzed flesh in the way and it smothers the signal before it can draw its first breath.
So I don’t care. I don’t care that my body is falling apart. I don’t care that my life is passing me by while I rot in this decaying carcass of a life. I don’t care that when I turn 50 in May that will most likely be the last decade-ending year of my life.
Because there is no way I will live long enough to turn 60;.
Not unless someone kidnaps me and locks me in a cage and controls everything I do for a couple of years.
Hey, as long as the cage has my PC and WiFi, I’m cool.
Otherwise, if I remain in my own care, I will continue to slowly neglect myself to death until I die a very stupid and pointless death.
And I know I should care about that. I know that the certainty of a slow and painful death where everything about me breaks down till I am just another jabbering goober in a ward somewhere should be way more than enough to get me to change my ways. I know that if the looming specter of a long and painful death does not motivate me, then nothing on Earth will.
I know all of this very, very well.
I just don’t care.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.