What’s really got me freaked out after the latest attack of flu-like symptoms is that this time, I can really feel the muscle weakness in my arms, too.
Now I could live with not being able to walk. It would be horrible, but wheelchairs are a thing as are crutches, canes, braces, and so forth.
It would suck. But I could cope.
But if I lose the use of my arms I’m gonna kill myself. Because with my arms and my wrists I have no hands and without my hands I can write or play video games or even take a shit without help, and I can’t handle that like, at all.
Ergo, I REALLY REALLY hope I can get some kind of treatment before I have another one of these little attacks of mine, because I am terrified that after the next one or maybe the one after that, I won’t even be able to lift my arms any more.
And I do not want to have to learn to type with my eyes like the late Dr. Stephen Hawking. I would get such bad headaches!
More seriously, I suppose that it is at least possible to write via speaking these days. Speech to text works amazingly well and with modern AI it should be damned near perfect relatively soon.
The video games would have to go, though. If I can’t type or use the mouse, then what is left? Eye tracking and forehead movements?
Good luck trying to play a first person shooter THAT way.
This is why I am thinking of biting the bullet and filing that complaint against Doctor Chao. If I am going to end up a cripple-gimp because of his incompetence, you better believe I’m gonna take him down with me, and let the whole world know just how badly I have been failed by that cocksucker.
My condition keeps getting worse. He has no idea why. And he is fine with that.
Does not see what the big deal is.
After all, he checked several things and it was none of those and by that time my case had gotten boring and hard and no fun any more, so clearly, his job was done and it was time to move on to patients that didn’t make him sad.
And to think that I wasted all that time doing nothing to pursue the matter because I very naively assumed he was on the case.
Nope! Until I brought it up on the phone, he had completely forgotten about the body-wide deterioration of my entire muscular system.
I’d like to think the damage is at least somewhat reversible. If not with meds or surgery, than at least with intensive physiotherapy.
It seems like the kind of problem where physio could work wonders, probably in conjunction with some pills to help boost neuromuscular sensitivity.
Or something like that.
I am glad I finally addressed this issue here. I feel like by letting the thoughts out onto the page, I have talked myself down from a pretty crazy ledge.
More after the break.
Check this out, Felicity! And play it for your Mom!
That’s the kind of breathtaking music you get when you have a massively talented pianist writing music he himself will find interesting to play.
Now do Watcher of the Skies!
No reaction at all
I realized today that I get absolutely nothing out of reaction videos.
I must be the wrong generation for them or something. I tried watching one where a classical composer reacts to the piece the kid in the previous section played and I watched maybe five minutes of it before it dawned on me that I just did not care.
I am not wired that way. The only thing I felt was a vague irritation that this guy’s reaction was interfering with my appreciation of the piece.
And that strikes me as a very Gen X, raised by television, sullen and withdrawn kind of reaction to reaction videos.
We never shared our reactions in realtime. What an awful thought. No, we experienced things at home, by ourselves or with family, then went on with our lives as our subconscious minds processed said things and noticed commonalities or themes or whatnot, then we came up with our own observations and theories about said thing and shared those with others.
To me, watching how someone reacts to something in realtime makes me feel like I am intruding on what should be a private moment for this person.
I don’t want to see you take a crap in realtime either.
And it’s all so fake and forced anyhow. It’s not like these are their REAL reactions. They cannot stop themselves from playing to the camera and trying to give the camera what they think it wants. What the audience wants, likes, and expects.
So it’s all kind of pointless anyhow. To me, watching someone play a video game or listen to a famous piece of music for the first time or eat a meal or whatever has no intrinsic value. Maybe if they are funny or interesting or both, I might get something out of the video. But otherwise, no thanks, I’m good.
I’m a lifelong loner. Not by choice necessarily but more as a result of fears and aversions and compulsions that made associating with others impossible.
As a result, the only people I want to share experiences with are my real life friends. They are my buddies, my audience, and my chosen family.
Watching some rando react to something just makes me feel like there is an uninvited guest in the room and I am wishing they would just go away so I can relax.
But of course, as in all things, that’s just my reaction to them.
Your results may vary.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.