No wonder I am usually so anti-histamine!
I ran out of antihistamines on Saturday and I am really feeling the effects today, Monday. I seem to have about a 24 hour grace period, give or take eight hours, between running out and becoming symptomatic.
But last night, I had an allergy attack, and ever since I have felt pretty “off”. Because it’s not enough that my allergies give me the usual sneezing and runny nose, oh no. That’s just the most overt problem.
It’s really a system wide thing that causes inflammation all through my body. And that can manifest as a lot of different things, from headache to nausea to joint pain.
My life is so much fun.
Oh well, For now, I have Aleve to alleviate [1] the inflammation and I am sure that Julian will get me more Reactine Complete soon.
At least I think that’s what I’ve been taking. The box is blue.
On the video game front, I am nearing the end of my time with Dragon Age : Inquisition. I am running out of sub-quests, side-quests, and other forms of generally dicking around, and have been forced to actually advance the main plot.
And I will have to do it again soon as once I have finished what there is to do in Frostback Basin, I will have more or less done everything worth doing in the game.
I will have drained it of almost every drop of content. Which is sort of impressive.
Plus I am, understandably, getting pretty burned out on it. So far I have played it for 123.6 hours according to Steam. By the time I am done, that will probably be more like 150 or so hours.
Not bad for a game that only cost me seven bucks.
I can always tell when I am getting burned out on a game and it will soon be time to retire it when playing it starts to feel less like playing a fun game and more like going to work at a pleasant but dull office.
Plus I have lost the will to loot. Normally, amassing, evaluating, and selling off most of the weapons and armor and such that I get in games is a major part of the fun.
What can I say, it does my greedy little mercantile heart good. I have a lot of middle class merchants in the French part of my DNA, and I love selling things.
So when I stop caring about the loot in a game, it means I am just about done with it.
And I already have my next game lined up, another golden oldie called Dragon’s Dogma that was released way back in 2012.
You know, the year the world ended.
I bought the game with my earnings from Salad, that app I told you about ages ago that lets you rent out your computer’s CPU and GPU when you’re not using it.
The earnings are tiny. I make around a buck a month. But then again, it’s for doing absolutely nothing besides installing it, so what the hell.
And the clever clogs at Salad HQ realized that what a lot of people wanted to do with their Salad earnings was buy games off Steam, so they just sell you the games themselves instead of making you get a virtual gift card.
By sheer coincidence, I will be playing Dragon’s Dogma right after its long awaited sequel, Dragon’s Dogma 2, was released on the 22nd of this month.
I suppose if I really, really love the original, I might wanna buy the sequel.
But I kind of have to fix that pesky “crashes my computer forcing me to reboot” problem I have with modern games on this PC first.
Time to get a new power supply for it, and hope that does the trick.
More after the break.
I appear to have an IMDB page. One with nothing on it, but still. Weird.
The road ahead
It’s still very hard for me to think about the future.
My mind really does not want to go there. It’s too scared of the answer. Scared that my future is that I don’t have one and that the rest of my life will consist of things getting worse and worse until I die an ignoble and ignominious death in a hospital bed with tubes going everywhere (yes, even there) and my mind twisted into a dense, tense knot of throbbing terror as I finally, at long last, fade away.
And all without having achieved a single thing with my life, not even the bare minimum of adulthood of employment and a relationship.
Just a dumb, dumb death after a dumb, dumb life. He died as he lived : a big fat loser.
And how I wish that vision of my nightmare future was enough to light a fire under my ass and make me wanna rush out into that big old world to life my life to the fullest and make my mark upon the world while I still have time.
But it isn’t. In fact, it’s not even close.
Because that’s not how people like me respond to challenge. Faint souls like myself respond by giving up and waiting for the end, basically.
We respond with despair. Not action. After all, giving up is a lot easier.
And we always do what’s easiest. Not best… just easier.
Path of least resistance my ass. The path of least resistance sucks.
Still, it’s good to get all my fears for the future out of my head and onto the page now and then. Articulating my pain can be very difficult but emotions expressed are emotions released and once I release the “bad” emotions, I can calm down enough about the subject to think about it more rationally and see things in perspective.
Right now, my prospects for the future look bleak.
But that can change.
I can change it.
And some day I will.
This, I predict.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.