Though this one is entirely explicable.
Here I am sitting down to blog n’ eat at 5:37 pm, way later than my usual 4 pm. But it’s definitely my own silly fault, because I did not put together “my tablet does not charge reliably” and “I rely on it to be my alarm clock” to reach, “ergo I should not do that this time”, so I took a nap at 3:30 pm like normal.
Alarm did not go off, obviously, so here we are.
Still, that’s two day in a row where I messed up my own sleep schedule, so I had better get things back on track tomorrow.
As far as I know, I have coaxed my tablet to charging one more time, which is good, because I need to have an alarm clock in my life. As far as I am concerned, alarm clocks are sleep aids because they let you go to sleep without worrying about whether you will wake up in time for X or not.
Admittedly, though, I have never had a full time job, so it has been a long time before I had to get up every morning.
Not since high school, in fact, and I seem to recall having some vaguely murderous thoughts about my clock radio back then.
Plug your ears and go back to sleep, honey. You can do better.
I am kicking myself for forgetting to call Doctor Chao’s office today. I need to see him about my back ASAP.
The problem comes and goes, though, which makes it hard to decide just how big of a deal it is. At least for my primitive, childlike decision making skills.
Oh, it hasn’t bothered me lately? Well then it must be gone forever. PRrblem solved.
Oh, it’s back? Well then I better get right on it and call Doc Chao… you know… just as soon as my back feels better.
And so forth and so on. Sigh. It’s all so childishly simple that it’s humiliating to realize how long I have stayed in absurd logic loops like that.
Then again, what part of my life could have taught me to be any more emotionally mature? I have lived the life of a child for my entire adult life and I am freaking 51.
Like I said recently, nobody is going to make you grow up. You are free to hide from the world and play video games and rot away until you are in your sad little grave, never having made a mark on the world at all.
Turns out, even if Mama Bird kicks you out of the nest and you never do learn to fly at all, you can still survive down there on the ground.
But your life will suck. And you’ll wish you had just flapped your goddamned wings. And now, getting back up to where you were seems impossible.
Welcome to fucking up your life, Failure to Launch edition.
As patient readers know, I Am trying to release myself from this negative pattern and talk myself into believing that I can make it in the world and that I don’t have to live this twilit existence of being half asleep all the time any more.
But it’s rough going. I need to change some very deep, fundamental parts of myself and become a very different person and that’s not easy. Everything in is will fight anything that threatens our inner stability that much, even if it’s a thing that will be very good for us and quite honestly a vast improvement.
Makes me wish I could just take a pill, go to sleep, and wake up sane.
More after the break.
I thought things were getting serious between me and my German boyfriend, but it turned out that to him, it was just Franz with benefits.
If I could talk with the animals….
It’s a new story about a $10 million prize for anyone who can actually invent a way to talk to animals.
And I’d say that money is pretty safe. Because as much as I have wanted to talk to animals for literally my entire life (thanks to Narnia), realistically speaking. it’s never going to happen because for the most part, animals do not talk.
There is nothing to “translate”. In fact, we can talk to animals just fine right now, with body language and the emotions in our voice and our pheremones.
That is, after all, how animals “speak”. It’s not like your dog is constantly broadcasting an unheard conversation at you.
So if we ever did find a way to “talk” to the animals, we would find that they did not say a lot, and a lot of it was just the same things over and over.
Sad to say, but Fluffy and Rover do not have complex inner worlds they would love to express to us. The closest human analogy is to preverbal children. Or the adult equivalent, people living somewhere where they don’t speak the language.
In both those cases, non-verbal vocalizations and hand and body gestures have to be enough because they are all we are born knowing.
Having grown up around a LOT of cats, I “speak” Cat quite well. I can read their mood and disposition from their body language and I can tell the difference between a lonely meow and one that means the cat is terrified.
Having a device interpret those things and then say a corresponding word would be worse than useless to me.
But I suppose not everyone has the kind of empathy that I have, or the… I want to say verbal skills?,,, either, so such an invention might help them learn.
Admittedly, growing up with 8 cats in the house has its advantages. I also know how not to crowd cats, how to avoid their whiskers, how to pet them really well, how to avoid looming over them, and so on.
Remember, from their point of view. we are all slow moving giants with magical powers beyond their understanding, and they react accordingly.
Damn I miss having critters around.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.