Watching the rest of The Secret and pondering the less inane and airheaded portion of its philosophical and psychological advice, I decided to follow the sensible suggestion of making a list of things I am grateful for in order to facilitate switching my emotional polarity from negative to positive.

I think the basic message (that you can change your life by changing how you think) is true, and I am going to try to do that and make 2012 a better year than 2011.

So here are the things I was able to come up with earlier today. This is going to sound a lot like bragging or egotism to those who cannot stand to hear others say anything nice about themselves.

That’s just too fucking bad.

I currently have :

1. Really good friends. Not a day goes by when I am not grateful for the friends I have. We are so compatible in temperament, intellect, and background. And they support me. Life would be a great deal more harsh without them in my life. I treasure them.

2. Shelter from the harsh world. Living on less than eight thousand dollars a year might not be very nice, but it sure beats the hell out of being homeless and going far crazier than I am now. So I am very grateful that I live someplace willing to give me what I need to survive. Thank you, BC government.

3. A computer and Internet access. Also under the category of shelter from harsh reality is the fact that I have a computer and the modern Internet to play on with it. It makes my problems a lot easier to deal with and allows me a window to the world outside my apartment.

4. A happy place on the Internet to hang out. I have found a place with cool, relaxed, smart people who like me. True, it’s online, not real world, but it is still wonderful. It suits me. I feel included.

5. A middle class upbringing. Most of us who have this take it entirely for granted, because it is their “normal”, but I have seen what people without it have to deal with, and I am grateful that I do not have that kind of struggle to face in life.

(last chance, ego haters, it’s pretty much all braggy after this)

6. A high level of intellect. I have to face it : I am really damned smart. That is something a lot of people would love to be able to say about themselves. I am grateful that schoolwork was easy for me and I never sweated a test or worried about my grade. And I am glad that continues to this very day. A good mind is a wonderful thing to have. I am grateful for mine.

7. A vivid, vibrant imagination. It can be a bit hard to handle sometimes, but my wild and wily imagination is a real asset, and one for which I am grateful. I would rather be a dreamer than a drudge any day, and with my big imagination, I would have nothing to write about. Speaking of which…

8. A way with words. I got mad verbal skills, y’all. A lot of people would love to be as articulate and fluent as I am. A lot of people have trouble saying what is on their minds or in their hearts. I do not. I am grateful for the difficulties I do not have.

9. A great sense of humour. Not only am I a funny guy, but I find humour in all kinds of places. I can’t walk through a supermarket without finding a bunch of things I find hilariously absurd. This is a great asset in life, to find the comedy in it, and I am grateful for it.

10. A sweet and sensitive nature. I am a pretty nice guy. I really care what happens to others, I want everyone to be happy, I am genuinely interested in people and their stories, and I try to be a good person at all times. I am nice to people by default. I am glad to be such an awesome guy.

11. A great big personality. Lively and vibrant and larger than life, I have a big time personality that I am only barely beginning to understand, let alone learn how to express to its fullest. But big shiny personalities are a wonder in the world, and I am glad to have one.

12. A unique perspective on life. As a gentle loner, I feel that I have a unique way of looking at the world from the outside in, and I think it gives me a unique insight into how the world works and how people tick that might not be available to those living in the thick of things and dealing with it. I see a lot of things that other people miss (and vice versa), and I am grateful for that.

I guess a nice round dozen will do for now. I wrote them all out in longhand before this, and I will endeavor to keep that copy on hand or nearby, somewhere where I can see it, at all times.

I really do want to turn my life around and that starts with turning my attitude around. I can’t want for life to come make me happy any longer. It it just plain never going to happen. If I want my life to change, I am going to have to be the one who changes it. I am the only person who is responsible for myself.

And things can be a lot better. Life can be good. It’s not just something to mostly ignore while you try to keep yourself distracted between the good bits. Life can be a rich, wholesome, healthy, shiny, wonderful, nourishing, warm, comfortable, and exciting thing.

I don’t kow why that idea frightens me so. I don’t know why it gives me the urge to compulsively cling to my negativity. What do I think my negatives protect me from? Why would I be reluctant to let them go? They certainly don’t seem to be doing me any good.

Perhaps I cling simply because they are what is familiar. Fear of the unknown can be a powerful thing, something that can easily cause people to act against their own best interests.

But whatever the reason, I want to let all that negative shit go. Go on, get out of here, you are no longer welcome in the house of my soul.

I am kicking my demons out on their pointy tailed butts.