My life has become more painful lately.
And it really highlights one of the problems with have my meds blister-packed.
First, the pain. The wound on my left foot has been hurting all day. It’s a stinging pain followed by a tingle, ergo I am naming this sensation a “stingle” or “stingling”.
Don’t use that without my permission. It’s mine, dammit! 😛
And it’s beginning to worry me. I’ve had this sensation before but not this frequently. It makes me wonder if the nurse got the dressing wrong yesterday and now it’s letting in more sweat and the salt in the sweat is stinging me.
It’s literally rubbing salt in my wound.
And I have skin ulcers in my perianal region [1], which makes my usual sessile nature somewhat more painful than it needs to be.
I shift in my seat a lot. I hope that counts as exercise.
And my poor deteriorating muscles are hurting more as well. I am feeling distinctly rusty today. I might take my second-last Aleve to help deal with it.
Speaking of pills, there’s that disadvantage of blister packing I mentioned.
See, back in the days of pill bottles (it seems so long ago), if I was having an especially bad day with the muscle pain, I could just take more Gabapentin.
But not now. I don’t have access to my medications, they are locked away in plastic bubbles and I therefore do not have any control over my dosages.
At this point, I am tempted to tell Simon, my pharmacist, that I want to go back to the bottle(s), but he puts so much work into blister packing my meds away that I feel like it would be a dick move to give up on it now.
But I still miss my bottles. I had a system. It worked.
Oh well. I get the feeling that this next phase of my life will involve me discovering a lot of feelings that I didn’t know were there because they were locked behind my wall and not allowed to get anywhere near being felt, let alone expressed.
I’m visualizing it as me sitting with a friend in the front room of a pleasant but sparsely furnished suburban home having declared an open house so we could meet the neighbors and having no idea who the heck will show up.
But I’m not afraid. For I am armed with GINGERBREAD COOKIES.
Oh, and speaking of moving on with my life, I gathered all my courage this morning and decided it was time to log in to FlexJobs and find myself some work.
Only to find the motherfucking website wouldn’t take my credit card.
Son of a bitch. After all the avoiding and delaying and telling myself I am just not ready yet, I finally get my shit together to embark upon my long delayed journey into adulthood and the boat fucking sinks on launch.
I tries to keep the energy going and switch over to Notd instead, but getting that up and going is gonna take a hell of a lot more gumption than I had on hand at that moment.
So many decisions…. I know, I know, just play around with it.
I’m working on it.
So that was a kick in the taint. And I have started to be in a really bad mood in the morning before I eat, just like my late father and my brother, and that’s not at all a welcome development in my life.
I guess that’s just one of the emotions I didn’t know I had.
Welcome to my home. Have a cookie.
More after the break.
“Now you’ll really be a POTTED plant!” I said as I got my begonias drunk.
Well I’m here
As are you. Thanks.
I feel rather scattered at the moment. It’s been difficult just getting my thoughts lined up enough to start making the words happen. My mind wants to run around and play like a big dog let outdoors for the first time since last fall.
So I keep having to direct my attention back to what I am doing, and that’s a pain.
That aside, though, I am feeling better than I did early. I feel more solid and more healthy and overall more robust and alive, and that’s a very good thing.
Not sure what made the difference. If I had to guess (and I do), I would say I either got caught up on sleep or hydration or both.
I will try to remember how I feel right now the next time I am being lazy about getting up and refilling my water glass in order to stay hydrated.
I just get so tired of the whole “a river runs through me” routine. Getting the water, drinking the water, peeing, lather, rinse, repeat.
My bladder gets especially tired of it all. I’m not sure if it’s healthy and normal or a sign of something wrong in my waterworks, but sometimes I get this ache in the lower right quadrant of my torso when I have been peeing a lot and it makes me wonder what the heck is going on in there.
I’ve probably said this before, but I really wish we had the medical beds from Star Trek so I could get absolutely everything scanned at the same time and doctors could see my entire body to any degree of magnification so they could fix everything that’s wrong and I could experience actual health for once.
Oh, and it would kick my hypochondria out on its ass too.
I need DATA, god damn it!
Plus I am positive that wild holodeck orgies would really reduce my stress.
Ah well. Maybe some day I will have the money to go to some fancy spa and have good looking men with big, strong hands do nice things to me for a while.
Will that include wild orgies?
Only if my doctor okays it and/or participates.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.