Went further than I absolutely had to for my health today, and I am proud of that.
It’s been the usual busy Friday. Did the wound care thing at around 11:30 am, and that went smoothly, as usual.
Had a guy I’ve had a few times before. Dunno his name because I suck, and I don’t know where he’s from originally, but he speaks in this rising-inflection staccato chirp where the syllables just flow like strings of pearls and combined with his tendency to use “bro” talk with me and his strange cadence makes him hard to understand.
But it’s also somewhat charming. And I have had him as my nurse often enough that my ear knows how to parse what he says now.
Every time I am sitting there as a nurse tends my wounds, I wonder if they think I am aloof or superior just because I don’t spontaneously speak.
I respond when spoken to, of course, and I am always my usual pleasant, polite, and affable self, but I don’t start conversational threads.
I feel like at some point, I just lost the ability to do that. Even with my friends. It’s like I used to have a folder in my head marked, “things to talk about” and I either stopped adding to it or deleted it completely.
It bothers me.
The bonus feature came next : getting myself vaccinated.
No biggie. I have no fear of needles. Whatever.
However, to get said vaccination (for the flu and Covid), I had to walker my way from the parking lot all the way through the Shopper’s to the pharmacy in the back and then make that same trip in reverse when I was done.
And this was not good.
I had already presumed upon my sick leg muscles to propel me through wound care and now I had to do this whole other thing?
My body was not happy with me.
In fact, by the time I made it back to the car, I was ready to drop I was panting and sweating and feeling like I was going to fall down.
But hey, at least I am inoculated now and can rest assured that I am protected against the flu and Covid now.
In the long term it will be worth it, but as of right now, I am not sure.
The problem with a prophylactic like a vaccine is that if it’s working, nothing happens. So it’s hard to know if it is even doing anything at all.
That needle could have been full of distilled water and I would never know unless I actually contracted Covid or the flu.
Guess I’ll take their word for it.
The result of all my exertions today is that right now I am so VERY tired. The extra motion plus night falling with a sickening thud has made me want to sleep for like a million and a half years.
This part of the year is always rough on me because of how early it gets dark. The minute the sun goes down, I want to sleep. It triggers the latent sleepiness in me.
And I’ve always got a lot of that lying around.
Other times of the year, sundown does not make me want to sleep. There’s just something special about the run up to the winter solstice, aka Longest Night.
Or “Shortest Day” but nobody calls it that!
I imagine that’s a big holiday with vampires.
It would be like their Christmas!
Oh well, whatever. Now I am going to lay down and zonk out for a couple of hours.
More after the break.
Perchance to dream
I am a little worried about how sleepy I have been in the last 36 hours or so.
It feels like no matter how much I sleep, I never actually catch up to my need, and so I stay sleepy. It reminds me of those times when my appetite goes nuts.
Those times when the Demon Hunger is upon me.
I hate that shit. It’s so stressful! Plus I end up eating way more than usual and that throws off my grocery schedule and that disturbs my sense of order.
Such as it is.
I get the feeling that if I was more healthy and focused and energetic, I would be a lot more organized. Because I do like it when everything is neat and tidy.
I just lack the will to make or keep it that way myself.
Hence my heady dreams of having an assistant. It would be their job to keep everything organized and neatly tucked away, ready for me to call on it, whether it’s my favorite pen and paper or the name of someone I met at an industry event.
What the hell, this is my fantasy, so in it I am a big time head writer on a TV show, making fat stacks o’ cash and enjoying the respect of my peers and the knowledge that I am finally doing what I was born to do : make good television.
That’s my ultimate dream. To become a producer like my hero Norman Lear and run my own studio that is known for making the highest quality TV.
Like another of my heroes, Walt Disney, I would want to build a brand synonymous with excellence in every field. Movies, TV, books, lunchboxes, and so on.
My company would naturally not be quite so squeaky clean. In fact, I might even build my brand around entertainment that is just a little more “spicy” that you expect.
I dunno. I know that the real money is in G-rated content but I would not be able to work under such restrictions for long.
My artistic soul yearns to be creative and free!
And really, really smutty sometimes.
In fact, if I had Disney level clout, nothing could keep me from producing my magnum opus of a SUPER smutty X-rated feature length cartoon with an extremely upbeat and cheerful pro-sex message and, of course, lots of cartoon animal sex.
Because I would not just be looking to titillate, although there’s nothing wrong with that.
I’d be looking to liberate people’s minds, souls, and libidos from oppressive ideas and beliefs that keep them frustrated and angry and help them find a way they can embrace their inner pervert and maybe feel it up a little.
It would make Rocky Horror Picture Show look like Mary Poppins.
It would make Fritz the Cat look like Steamboat Willie.
It would make Deep Throat look like a history lecture.
In short, it would be the horniest, filthiest, most overwhelmingly fucktastic film ever made and I would be extremely proud of that.
And who knows, it might even help some people feel seen, and accepted.
I am not, in the traditional sense, an ambitious man.
But creatively speaking, I want to shake the heavens with my art.
It could be so amazing.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.