Holy crap, has this been a sleepy day so far.
And not the nice, quiet, healthy, relaxed kind of sleepy either. This is the heavy, sweaty, beleaguered kind of sleep that leaves me feeling beat up and knocked down then propped up for more beatings again.
And God, does it suck.
Now I have two main schools of thought on what is going down with me right now. One says that this is just the result of my usual weird sleep cycle where now and then my sleep debt catches up with me and must be paid up in full all at once.
That’s certainly what I’d prefer it to be. Then I would just have to wait it out.
It would still suck but at least I’d know it would be over once I catch up.
The other school of thought is that I’m coming down with something viral and my body is using up all my internal resources in the war against this fucking pathogen, leaving not a lot left for minor activities like consciousness.
Eh, consciousness is overrated anyhow.
At the present moment, the second school of thought has a sizeable lead. My chest and my throat are raw and scratchy and my nose is running and I have some aches and pains going on.
But that kind of shit comes and goes quite suddenly with me without any solid evidence of whether it’s a virus or just dehydration. So I dunno.
My life is very weird.
Oh well. Guess all I can do is do what I do best : keep trudging along. Make sure to get some solid nutrition into me plus plenty of fluids and, whether I like it or not, bedrest.
As per usual, I don’t wanna sleep all day. I want to stay awake and have fun and do stuff with my time. Sleeping all the time fucking sucks.
Oh, and standard disclaimer, as always, applies : if I get worse, I’ll go to the ER or UC.
I noticed on a poster at Wound Care that UCs are now “Urgent And Primary Care Centers”, or UPCCs, and that struck me as them finally admitting that, due to the fucked up nature of our health care system (thanks, Boomers!), UC is the closest thing they are ever going to get to having their own GP.
Guess I should be glad to have Doctor Chao after all. I’m still mad about him giving up on finding out what the fuck is wrong with my legs, but he’s better than nothing.
Then again, when I went to UC for my legs, they did a bunch of testing that Chao had never thought of right away, so who knows.
Maybe, despite my misgivings about the place, I’d be better off at UC.
Which reminds me. By now, there should be both an order for an ultrasound of my spleen, bowels, and kidneys and one for some bloodwork in the system for me, so I need to get to the Brooke Radiology building some time very soon.
Brooke is a great place. They do your imaging so fast and yet you don’t feel rushed. Their medical imaging techs are really warm and friendly and put you at ease.
The LifeLabs upstairs from them, on the other hand, is not exactly my favorite place to be. I find the place very cold and clinical and it definitely makes me feel like I am just another hunk of meat to be processed to them.
But what the hell. If I can get it all done in one day in one place, it will save me a lo of time and effort in the long run.
Then, I guess, I will just wait to see if Doctor Chao’s office calls.
I’m particularly interested in the ultrasound because I am very curious to know what my umbilical hernia is up to these days and if it has something to do with my weird poops.
If it’s been acting up, I might need surgery. Which would mean cutting my abdomen open, unless it can be done laparoscopically.
So, go laparoscopic surgery, go. I don’t want to have to get split open again!
More after the break.
That distant shore
I seem to be through the worst of the attack of sleepiness.
I still feel pretty rough, and the chest, throat, and nose symptoms have not changed, but at least I don’t feel like yesterday’s crap any more.
So I dunno. These exact symptoms of runny nose, scratchy throat, and sore chest seem to just pop up periodically with me, and hang around for a bit, then disappear and lurk within me until the next flareup.
Is it a virus? Some metabolic oddity? An allergic reaction? An atypical reaction to dehydration? Or what?
I dunno. And I suppose, as irresponsible as this is, I don’t really care because the symptoms never rise to the point of being severe and/or scary.
I honestly pass through a lot of small periods of minor badness. I’m not sure what to make of that. Maybe my immune system really swings into action once symptoms appear and beats the ever loving snot out of whatever is monkeying up my works.
Or maybe this is all psychosomatic (attic insane) on some level too deep for me to fathom and this is how my body and mind deal with some deep dark emotional force within me that is otherwise unable to ride to the surface of my conscious mind to be dealt with in a mature adult way there.
Probably not. But maybe.
Eh, whatever. I am beginning to wonder what is the true cost of all my curiosity and analysis and yearning to understand everything. Surely there are better uses of my prodigious mental energies than an uncritical and omnivorous attempt to ingest, digest, and integrate everything I come across like a hyperphagic amoeba.
But even if there are better uses for this miraculous mind of mine, I am not sure I could even switch modes at this stage of my life.
I dunno. Maybe I could learn to adjust my attitude at least.
Because this negative shit ain’t good for me at all.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.