Yeah, so, today has kinda sucked.

Learn all about it here :

Funny how I started off thinking I had nothing to say but ended up rambling on for almost ten minutes anyway.

When in doubt, start complaining, I guess.

That subject has been on my mind : complaining, and being crabby in general. It’s a somewhat acceptable way to vent one’s spleen, as long as you’re not attacking your friends and other loved ones or punching down, and so I have been examining the idea that I am just a crabby person and seeing if it feels like that suits me.

It’s a complicated thing to examine. It would certainly require reducing my compulsive need to be as lovable and pleasant and funny and fun to be around all the time.

A very deep and desperate part of me thinks that I have to use all my charm and appeal and so on to make people like me at all times or they will suddenly realize what a horrific nightmare of a person I really am and run away screaming.

Which is brutally sad.

Seriously. My god. I meant to just look up the song for the reference but found myself mesmerized by the recording quality.

Anyhow, where was I? Oh right, being crabby.

I keep thinking of Andy Rooney. He made quite a good living being crabby in a funny way^[1] and I am both crabby and funny and so it makes me go hmmm.

Perhaps one can complain about stuff a lot and still be liked. Fascinating.

I keep feeling like I need to do more with my videos, though I am not exactly sure what that would entail yet.

I just know that I am capable of so much more. I look at some of the more ambitious videos I made way, way back in the 2000s when we lived at One Road and Francis Road (aka Nerdvana) and I see how much more alive and vital and (in my halfassed way) enthusiastic and ambitious I was, and I can’t help but sigh.

I sigh a lot. Must be a sign of aging thing.

I mean, look at this strapped young lad :

Don’t worry, I don’t expect you to watch all 15 minutes, it’s just a sampler.

At least this time around, I know I need to put on a frigging shirt.

I keep pondering things like one person skits, fake newscasts a la Daily Show et al, maybe even (in a very separate space) some stories of kids, and I guess you could say brooding over the idea.

And who knows, maybe one fine morning I will wake up and launch into a whole new era of video making (videography?) and make really top quality stuff instead of mostly just me talking to the camera and maybe even make something of the whole thing.

It’s like that with me. Like my idea are eggs and I never know when one will decide to hatch and make itself known in the world so all I can do is keep it warm and safe in my big ol head and wait.

So maybe one of these days the energy will be right and I will say “Today’s the day!” and make something truly amazing.

Or maybe one day I will die living exactly the same way I do now, if not worse.

It’s really up to me.

So um…. don’t hold your breath.

More after the break.

---

Every JRPG ever

I thought this was quite good :

Not sure if you have to be a veteran gamer to get the jokes. If so, sorry. I am hoping that the general idea comes across regardless.

For some strange reason, the gag I love the most is the Secret Princess being interrupted by the XP/GP screen.

Maybe I just love the way she just says, “Oh, OK. ”

Anyhow, on with the show.

---

Nothing to update

Because I feel more or less exactly like I felt when I wrote Part 1 up there.

The only thing that has changed is that I feel slightly less tired and dragged out. Other than that, the person standing on my chest hasn’t gotten any lightly nor has the sandpaper in my throat switched to a finer grit.

And that kinda sucks. Standard disclaimer, if things go on like that, I will have to consider taking the ER/UC route.

As far as I can tell, nothing else is going wrong. My usual muscle aches and “rusty” feeling in my joints from the inflammation haven’t shown up yet. My nose had been running but that’s almost certainly from seasonal allergies, not a virus.

Maybe the difference is that this time, I have been doing a much better job of staying hydrated than usual and that’s helping my body fight the bug, or at least keeping my muscles and joints lubricated.

Oh well. Maybe I should try to develop that “attitude of gratitude” that so many mental health people push these days. Be grateful for every day in which I am less sick and miserable than I could be.

Yeah right. Sorry, still way too bitter and cynical for that heinous bullcrap. The very idea of it fills me with nausea. What a pathetic, groveling, lowly way to live.

I dunno who that shit is working for but I bet they’re not Gen X.

My friend Lou was telling me that nobody born after 1998 – in other words, Gen Z – believes that things will get better or can ever be good again.

And I thought, wow, maybe they’re more like Gen X than I thought. The difference is, I suppose, that we developed nihilistic cynicism to hope with a world without hope, and the Gen Z youngsters don’t seem to have nihilism as a weapon.

Maybe I can teach it to them.

Homework assignment : watch the video for Black Hole Sun ten times in a row.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.