Well I chickened out and did not write this via the “talk to type” app on my phone.
I am doing the sane and simple thing by typing this into a LibreOffice document like I normally do when I have internet problems.
At the last moment, I decided that the hassle of learning a new program while trying to get my words done was more stress than strictly necessary. so here I am typing on the PC instead.
Maybe I will give the talky typing app a try when there is less time pressure. Maybe.
I sure miss my fuzzy friends on Tapestries, though. I normally have a MUCK window open while I blog and that’s not currently an option and that makes me sad.
I need to hug my critter crew, dammit.
The new WiFi via USB adapter will be arriving today between 5 pm and 10 pm. Sucks that I had to spend $35 out of nowhere and I am sure that when I crunch the numbers it will mean that I am not going to be ordering in any time soon.
Not until Deposit Day or thereabouts. When the forces of the universe in the form of the BC government will hit “refresh” on my finances.
Still wish I could earn a living instead of having to rely on the BC taxpayers’ generosity. And I know that such a thing is possible. I have mad skills and an enormous capacity for work. Surely somebody out there wants to let me make them lots of money.
I’m serious. I could make some lucky businesspeople mad cash and be happy to do it for only a token percentage of the gains.
But I would have to find a way to acquire such work that works with my current state of mental illness, and I am going to need to change a great deal to make even that possible.
Did the Therapy Thursday thing today. Told my therapist Doctor Costin about my desire to correct my highly polluted and corrupt inner narrative of my life because I know damned well that said sad and stupid story is poisoning my mental health and it’s not even accurate or complete.
So no more thinking my childhood was friendless and lonely, full stop. There were times I had friends, like Bobby from across the street, and even during the friendless times I wasn’t exactly just sitting there feeling sad and lonely all the damned time.
So yeah, there was a lot missing from my childhood, but the real story is not nearly as neat and simple and hopeless as my depression has fooled me into thinking.
I spent an awful long time being so incredibly lonely that I didn’t even know how lonely I was. Maybe that’s where and why I learned to be so numb.
It was my brutally efficient way of protecting myself from my cold and lonesome life during those years when I had nobody.
That’s why I created this walled off world inside myself in which to live. And a version of myself, I suppose, that could be appealing and friendly and lovable and fun.
And exist only in text based roleplaying environments. Le sigh.
I did do a video for today, via TikTok, although I know I could have done it the usual way via webcam on this PC and then just waited to upload it till my WiFi arrived.
But I was feeling cranky and didn’t want to deal with the webcam. So sue me.
One annoying thing : some of my video games don’t play without the internet even though they do not, as far as I can tell, have an online component at all.
I thought we were past that bullshit. People want their games to be playable whenever they want instead of needing an internet connection so it can constantly check to make sure I am playing a legit copy of the game.
My days of game piracy are way, way behind me and I am still middle class enough to resent being treated like a criminal.
Oh well. I will get the internet back on this here PC soon.
More after the break.
We have reconnected
So, mission accomplished. New USB WiFi network adapter installed, internet restored, and all is quiet on the land.
At first it didn’t seem like it was working. I plugged it into a USB port and… no connection sound. Same for other ports.
But then I remember that this computer o’ mine can be fussy about networking, so I just rebooted, and voila, the internet hath returned.
I didn’t even have to put in our password again.
So, that’s another crisis quashed. Cost me $35 but at least I still have internet.
Actually, it cost $22. The other 13 was me getting some mints from the people at PUR, the thin excuse for which was to bump my purchase up to the point where it was eligible for the super fast Prime shipping.
Plus they had a variety pack of the PUR mints and I am a sucker for variety packs.
Technically, only three of the five packs are actually mints. The usual assortment, peppermint, spearmint, and “polar” mint.
Never seen a polar-mint plant but I bet it works great in freezing potions.
The other two are cinnamon, which is fine, and mango tangerine, which not only sounds like an amazing flavour combination but the name itself is beautiful poetry.
Mango tangerine. Tango margarine. Wrangled submarine. Cool, daddio.
So after a flutter of chaos and random fuckery, normalcy returns and we can all heave a sigh of relief and go back to our lives.
I feel like I am forgetting something…. oh crap, the video!
Phew, got it in just under the wire.
To be honest, a little chaos probably does me some good. My life is very boring and predictable in the broad strokes and that’s no good. When things become too predictable our nervous systems tune them out and they start seeming unreal.
That’s particularly bad when it happens to life.
I have yet to master seeking the chaos out in some safe sane form myself, though I do, on my best days, feel alert and curious about my environment, like any healthy animal.
Most of the time I just stare at the walls of my cage, though.
What’s the real world like? I’ve heard good things.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.