Damn it, the sleepies have caught up with me during the day again.
Oh well. I’ve had much worse attacks. As long as I keep going, and keep sipping on my diet cola, I should be okay.
Once I’ve done my words, then I can collapse and nap till supper.
This is the entire reason I decided to let caffeinated cola back into my life. There are times like this when that prick Mister Sandman shows up at a bad time when I can really use that good ol’ caffeine to boost me back up.
And what the hell, it’s not like I’m allergic. I just gave it up for blood pressure reasons. And as far as I know, my blood pressure is under control, although those high readings I was getting a while back have me a little worried, and so I might as well join the rest of the world in enjoying the benefits of sweet mother Caffeine.
Or not. What the hell do I know?
Anyhow, here is today’s vid :
Now it’s an open question whether or not I am capable of the kind of mellowing out I talk about in my vid of the day. It would certainly require a large scale rerouting of my personal energies into maintaining and enhancing my psychic stability somehow instead of leaving those energies bouncing around inside me making me anxious.
A theory could be put forth that I am just basically squirrely by nature and no matter what I do, I will always be somewhat high strung and nervous. and that is certainly possible, but by no means a certainty.
I choose to believe that a fine tuning of my entire attitude towards life is at least possible and something worth pursuing.
I have known for a long time that this brittle, anxious, nervous, reactive, fearful, and cowardly attitude towards life is no bueno. I wish I had the sort of calm, confident, competent strength that I admire so much in others. And I know that, somewhere in me, there is a much more robust and healthy version of me waiting to emerge.
And I must say, he’d be one heck of a guy. Without the shyness, nervousness, and anxiety, I could be one very smart and dynamic and charismatic dude.
It’s actually a little scary how amazing I could be.
Then again, I have always been kind of scared of my own power. It’s what comes from being way smarter than everyone else but also unwilling to embrace elitism.
When you are a giant among pygmies, and you have a conscience, you learn to be very careful where you step.
And going full Godzilla always lurks as a possibility in my mind. I could just say “to hell with the consequences to others, I’m going to roar!” has a certain kind of atavistic appeal to my sorely underdeveloped and unexpressed id.
And I could probably square it with my super sensitive conscience if I kept myself to the rule of never deliberately using my powers for evil.
I would just have to worry less about accidental harm. Not forget about it entirely, just reduce my concern about it to a more reasonable and sane level.
People CAN take care of themselves, after all. They’re not made of candy glass and tissue paper. I don’t have to take all the responsibility for keeping them safe.
Really, my overgrown concern for others is just another trick my depression uses to keep me locked in its little box.
If I took the attitude that I should just rush out into the world in search of adventure and fun just like the other kids, regardless of my abilities, maybe I would be able to find some kind of healthy equilibrium between ability and responsibility that would let me live large and in charge without becoming a total raging arsehole.
At least, not permanently.
More after the break.
I hope the timestamp works with the embed properfly.
There can be no testament to just how huge Michael Jackson was in the 80’s than the fact that his game could have this kind of thing in it.
I mean holy shit, right? The big green robot’s only attack is to thrust its enormous green wang at you. There is no non-perverted way to look at that.
And of course, in the game you rescue children and when you rescue them they say “Michael!” in a tone that suggests this is a transcendent moment for them.
I would love to be a fly on the wall when Mister Jackson explained what he wanted for the boss of that level of the game.
“It should have a big…. cylinder that it um…. pushes at the player in a sort of… um… thrusting kind of motion…. ”
Graphic designer : “You mean like this?”
“Um, no… the cylinder should be um…. rounded at the end… ”
Graphic designer : Oh, you mean like a p… ow!
He yelps in pain as he is savagely kicked under the table.
Executive : …like a perfect idea for a level boss, Mister Jackson!
And then the Executive thinks, “Oh god, we’re so going to get roasted by the PMRC!”
Wow, I got a lot of mileage out of that clip.
It just shows that I should do comedy more often. That little bit was easy and fun to write and it’s the sort of content that travels quite well.
Everybody loves a good laugh, after all.
I could even do it in video form, come to think of it. That would make it exponentially more likely to get spread around.
If I manage to get to a better mind space through attitude adjustment, I could see myself doing my best to make really funny, silly, wacky, wild content.
People might even like it.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.