Was going to do the usual after therapy blogging thing today, but… nah. Sure, it was a good session and I feel like I continue to release some long buried dark emotions with my therapist’s help, and that is sure to help me big time in the long run, but nothing particularly noteworthy came out on this particular day, so fuck it. Plus, I am getting a little tired of my own stuff lately, and so I figure I better lay off talking about it for a little while.
You can’t spend all the time up your own… uh, navel. You have to get some fresh air and perspective now and then, or you just end up choking on your own fumes.
So what the heck, let’s do some funny pictures!
Like this one!
It's true. They are.
Hardly groundbreaking news. Wetness is to women what hardness is to men. I am positive this is why so many products for women are all about moisturizing. Women fear going dry like men fear going soft. Thus, all these moisturizing products prey on this fear od dryness. Whatever the problem is, the solution is to make some part of you more moist.
One gets the feeling some of these ladies have gone past moist, through slick, and into downright gooey.
Back to the pic : what I love about it is its simplicity. Someone just took two signs that we have all seen a million times before and juxtaposed them. Nothing was added or taken away. They just put the two together and voila, a joke.
A fairly obvious joke, but still, a joke. I bet whoever put that together was real proud of themselves and thought there were quite clever. Well, good for them! More or less.
Hey, they’re trying!
And speaking of killer juxtapositions, how about this (presumably accidental) one?
I love definitive doubt, don't you? Kinda?
I love that kind of humour. When the marquee signs just happen to align to provide a whole new meaning unintended by either filmmaker.
Who can forget “Crouching Tiger Snatch”? I certainly can’t.
Plus, of course, it’s hilarious how it comes together to contradict itself. There Will Definitely Be Blood… Maybe is actually a pretty good title for a movie. A hilarious rom com about the early days of oil. People will remember the “sipping your milkshake” scene for years!
Next up…. I am pretty sure that I declared a previous All Time Winner At Planking, but if I did, then I have changed my mind, because I am pretty sure this guy has it.
And look, he's already dressed for the award ceremony (click to enlarge)
Yup. That is about it. I realize it lacks the usual “suspension” aspect of the better planking attempts, but for sheer awkwardness, I still think this one is a winnar.
Besides, apparently “planking” is dead, and now all the hip kids are “stocking”, which means doing your own reenactment of a funny and/or awkward stock photo from one of those stock photo websites.
What is it with kids today and doing reenactments of things? Do something creative, dammit! Add value.
Then there’s this friendly little bit of healthy advice :
Not necessarily this box, though. Any box. Click to enlarge.
Well, some people need practical advice. You know, “open box before eating pizza”, “lift lid before pooping”, “don’t pour sulfuring acid on your genitals”. Little helpful hints for the reality challenged. Factoids for those enjoying a low information lifestyle.
You know… morons.
Of course, I can just see that pic showing up on one of those “stupid instruction labels due to our overly litigious society” type sites, even though it is clearly meant as a joke. Presumably, some hip little pizza place thought this would make their pizza stand out in people’s minds, and hey… when was the last time you got a joke with your pizza?
Nothing can make up for bad pizza (contrary to what some say, pizza is not good even when it’s bad), but if the pizza was good, the little joke would make me feel like ordering from that place again.
Comedy moves product. Think of how much people like the factoids under Snapple caps!
Finally, I would be remiss if I didn’t share this little pic with you :
"Hah. Stupid n00bs. Nobody camps a cat!" (click to enlarge)
So now you know. This is what your cat does while you are work. It grabs a controller, logs on to Live with your credit card, and uses its vastly superior reflexes and object tracking ability to completely dominate all the n00bs on Call of Duty.
A telltale sign that you are losing to a cat : A GamerTag that has “meow”, “mouser”, “hunter”, or “tuna” in it. If you find yourself being dominated by MeowTunaHunter, you can be sure you are up against either a cat, a 12 year old Japanese girl, or a 37 year old guy who thinks he’s a 12 year old Japanese girl.
No matter which is true, you probably should be a little scared.
Oh wait, I have one more picture to share, a tribute to a legend who was taken from us far far too early and who is dearly missed by his fans.
This escalator is now stairs. Sorry for the conveniece.
We miss you Mitch Hedberg. You were the freshest, funniest motherfucker to come out of the comedy mills in a long damn time, and you died just when people were finally beginning to realize it.
Even seven years after your death, it makes me sad to think about it. Fucking drugs.
And on that happy note, I will leave you, my faithful readers, for today.
Remember kids, don’t do drugs. You will die, and before you die, you will spend thousands of dollars on your habit and that will just be to feel like you feel right now.
Except for weed, of course. Smoke that shit all you want, it’s good for you.
Weirdly, I was just thinking about that good/bad pizza line yesterday. I think I first read it on the wall of an elevator at UBC. And I was thinking that it’s not really true; bad pizza is still bad.
As much as I liked Mitch Hedberg, I never liked that particular joke. Stairs are hard.
Yeah, I think people who agree with that famous bit that I know from the movie Threesome have never had truly bad pizza. The worse they have had is Domino’s, and while Domino’s is not at all good, there are far worse things than “ketchup on cardboard”.
And yeah. I like the joke except for the “sorry for the convenience” part. If stairs were more convenient than escalators, we never would have invented the escalator in the first place.