Oy. Another of those deep dark sleepy days. I feel punch drunk and drunk on punch. Bad punch.
Today has been remarkably rough for a day in which, technically, I did absolutely nothing. Or well, I did nothing outside my brain.
Inside Brain Central, it was a madhouse.
As I tend to say at these times, I have come to accept these null days with a certain amount of grace and equanimity. They still annoy me, because I would honestly prefer to be be awake and doing something rather than sleeping my life away, but still, I don’t freak out about them like I used to do. I just grumble and endure.
Grumbling makes enduring easier.
Not a heck of a lot notable about the dream festival so far. I remember I was at some sort of lecture and/or concert in some kind of university amphitheater, and I was quite enjoying it. I was one seat from the aisle, and the guy between me and the aisle was a large fellow like myself, so it was a little too cramped for comfort. But whatever it was we were attending, I was enjoying the heck out of it.
Then there was an intermission, and the guy next to me got up so I had some room, and I noticed that there was all this stuff for sale by the university. T-shirts, buttons, snacks, that sort of thing, But in my dream, I was almost totally broke, and I still needed to have money for the bus home, so I knew I could not buy anything. But I really wanted to buy stuff.
Interestingly, during this intermission, all the music being played over the PA system was relatively obscure stuff I know and love. And so while I wandered around looking at stuff I could not afford to buy, I would stop and exlaimed “Hey, that is such and such song by so and so band!” delightedly.
I guess it is easy to get great music on the PA when your brain is the DJ.
I remember coming back to my seat, and looking around to see if there was a better, more comfortable seat I could steal while people were milling around. (I am definitely bolder and more selfish in my dreams. ) I decided there was not, but to get myself a little more breathing room, I took the coat the guy next to me had left behind, and moved it to the seat behind me.
What a little bitch!
I don;t recall anything more of that plotline. I remember that in my intermission wanderings, I came across what seemed to be a combination DJ booth and info booth for the event. And I remember asking them why all the items had two numbers for the price, and they didn’t know. Then I suggesting that maybe one number was the student price and the other was the non-student price, and they said “That must be it. ”
So even in my dreams, service people can’t answer simple freaking questions. Sheesh.
And I remember that what prompted me to ask was this really cool looking watch that had three tiny but surprisingly high resolution screens on it that played video slots. I really wanted the watch in the dream, but of course, I could not afford it.
Other dream plotlines followed a familiar “I am eating all the wonderful sweet things I am not allowed to eat in the real world due to diabetes” theme. One new thing : I have distinct memories of the highly accurate flavours of some of the things I ate. Like, for instance, a lime Slurpee. Normally, my dreams do not do the sense of taste very well. I guess the cravings have gotten bad enough that my dream life has had to up the detail level of the fantasies to compensate.
And I really do crave the sweet things I can’t have. I see other people eating and enjoying them, and I think “You people have no idea how good you have it, being able to eat whatever you want from the massive world of sweet sugary foods!”. And I resent them.
Of course, those foods are not good for those people either. But at least they can indulge in moderation without it killing them. Me, not so much.
Ever since the finger infection, I have avoided the Bad Stuff entirely. It was the least I could do given the extreme consequences of too high a blood sugar level. A massive infection from just a little nick in my cuticle? Sugar in my urine?? Those are definitely serious warning signs. And I am trying like hell to heed them.
I have also eliminated carb rich snack foods from my diet. No more chips, pretzels, and so forth. For me, it is nice low carb protein rich nuts for snacking from now on.
So my carb intake has dropped a fair bit. It is still a little high, but I think I have gotten my blood sugars down to a safer level. Now, when I skip meals or am late with meals, I get distinctly hungry and even have experienced mild hypoglycemia a few times. I take that as a sign that the base level is down to the same level it was when Avandia had my diabetes under control.
I have actually been a lot hungrier overall lately. It is frustrating to eat exactly how much you normally eat and still find yourself hungry. But I think that is just the carb craving talking. My body is still craving the much larger doses of carbohydrates it used to get, and it will take a while before it is convinced that it is just not getting that any more.
The theory is that it will then begin to burn fat to get what it wants. I sure hope so. I am still not getting any more exercise, but I can at least do the diet part right.
And who knows? If I get my body working better, maybe I will feel like being more active!
It could happen.