Today’s diary entry has a soundtrack, and you can find it here.

Today has been pretty nice, overall.

But let’s back up a minute. First, old business.

I did go to the BCSFA meeting last night. No big psychological apotheosis or amazingly illuminating decision point necessary. I just found that, when the time came, I felt like going.

And what more do you need, really? I am doing a lot of hard thinking about simplicity lately and I think my brain is moving from the “ripping out old plumbing phase” into more of a “sorting through what is left and figuring out what to do with it” phase.

It is just like cleaning a room. First you throw out all the garbage, and that feels really good, because eliminating waste always has a clearly Freudian pleasure to it. You look at those big bags of garbage and think “Wow, I am getting rid of this much stuff! And the room is so much cleaner and nicer now! I am really making progress here! Yay me!”

And that lasts for however long it takes to take the garbage to the curb (or dumpster, or whatever), and then you come back and see all the stuff that now has to be sorted and put away, and you realize that getting rid of the garbage was the easy part, the cheap thrill, and now you have to do the hard part.

You have to figure out where everything goes. Dammit.

And I don’t know about other people, but I always have way more stuff than places. I might get more into the whole cleaning and organizing your life thing if I had enough places.

Then again, that would just lead to another kind of option paralysis.

But back to the mental thing. I do feel like recovery, for me, is a long cleanup job. A slow and thorough process of cleaning out the garbage, deciding what is necessary and what is just getting the way, and moving things closer to one another so they can be connected again.

And so every day, I become more whole, integrated, connected, and intact, and less.. broken.

I am putting myself back together. Feels good, more often than not.

Had a pleasant evening with the people of BCSFA. I sometimes tell myself, tongue in cheek, that I only go there for the free food (and when I am feeling socially anxious, the prospect does help), but really, the food I seek there is food for thought. I am highly motivated by intelligent conversation, and I can always find it there. The local nerds are all intelligent and interesting people, and talking with them is always a treat for an intellectual manque like myself.

I hope that does not make me sound cold. I like these people too, and enjoy their company. I do not just see them as sources of mental stimulation.

But I am extremely intellectual in nature, and as such, always looking for mental sustenance. Our cerebral metabolism is extremely fast and demanding, and so mentally speaking, we are restless and easily bored.

Speaking of sustenance, I was a terribly bad boy when it came to the dessert offerings at last night’s meeting. I had been such a good boy since Xmas, but last night, the easy access to a stimulatingly wide variety of sweet things shattered my self-control and I had quite a bit of it.

So when I tested my blood sugar this morning, I expected the worst. How badly had I shattered my hard won progress over this last month? Was I redlining?

Imagine my delight when the reading was not just normal, but 7.0^[1], which is the definition of normal. Greater than that is diabetic. Less than that is hypoglycemic. It was not just normal, it was hilariously normal. I laughed out loud.

So I really feel like I got away with something last night. And being a prudent type person and not a risk taking type, I am going to count that as a blessing and not press my luck, as opposed to seeing it as a signal to throw caution to the wind and eat whatever the hell I want from now on.

But it is a sign that 50 units of insulin twice a day is doing the trick, and as long as I do not start to have hypoglycemic incidents or other ill effects, I will just keep it up.

It does mean, however, that I will be going through those tubes of insulin rather fast. One tube holds around 300 units of insulin, and therefore, one tube will last me three days. There are five tubes to a pack, and so one pack of tubes will last me fifteen days.

So twice a month I will have to go next door for more. Big deal. I need more reasons to move. Healthy blood sugar or no, it is still damned unhealthy to be almost completely sedentary like me.

Besides, I am tired of being fat. Perhaps healthy blood sugar will help me lose weight, which would be awesome. But moving more would be nice too.

Oh, and lastly, I am still exploring Stencyl. Right now I am looking at all the neat pre-made stuff they have out there for it. The people making the program quite wisely included a fully integrated content sharing system in the program, so there is a large library out there of bits and pieces other people have programmed just waiting for me to snap them together however I like.

I just want to make sure I understand the program well enough to use other people’s stuff to make the sort of thing I want, and then I will be happily downloading this and that to play with.

I have absolutely no pride as a programmer. I am a creator. I want to make what I want to make with as little fiddling about as possible.

If I can make fun, catchy little games entirely out of other people’s work, fine by me.

The final product will still be mine, mine, mine.

Seeya in the funny papers, folks!