Still more stuff

The links, they just keep on coming. I got still more things to share with you, my beloved and attractive audience, and seeing as I do not feel like talking about myself right now, tonight’s the night.

As always, you can rest assured that my never ending quest to rescue myself will continue some time soon. I am just in one of my “off” periods right now.

My tragically complete self-absorption will no doubt reassert itself any day now.

But until then, hey, let’s share Internet together, OK?

Yes OK good! We make happy message time together now. Ya ta!

First off, we have… whatever this is.

I bet it make adorable little squeak sounds!

I bet it make adorable little squeak sounds!

I mean, I am pretty sure it is some kind of bat, but what kind? I have no idea. I am not a… (quick Google for some Latin) vespertiliologist.

( I just made that word up and probably mangled the ancient and eternal language of Rome to do it, but to be fair, I totally failed to figure out what a bat expert is REALLY called. Google fu, you failed me!)

But whatever kinda bat or batlike critter it is, one thing is for sure : it is utterly adorable. I mean really, isn’t that just the cutest little critter ever, with its fuzzy lil face, and big innocent eyes, and ears going different directions?

And judging scale via the hand holding the little fella, he (or she) is itty bitty too. Awwww!

Next up is a rather fun link to highlights from the police blotter of Atherton, California, the USA’s third richest area code.

This area is, not surprisingly, in Silicon Valley in California, judging by the fact that the other areas on that page of the paper like Santa Clara (where I used to live) and Fremont are all Silicon Valley suburbs and exurbs.

Anyhow, the funny part is the glimpse into the exciting life of a police officer in a place which basically has no crime and no real problems to speak of but is full of rich people and their extremely high level of entitlement.

Here is an example :

A pedestrian was reported not to be doing anything strange other than wearing black pants and a white dress shirt while walking at an odd hour.

I like to think that the Atherton police hotline got a series of panicky phonecalls that tracked this bizarre stranger’s dangerous peregrination through Atherton’s peaceful streets.

Just call after call, every resident along a street calling in sequence, breathless with excitement and thrilled with the imagined danger.

I have this theory that people love to have their fears confirmed. So this stranger really did them a favour. They were probably giddy with pleasure that their irrational paranoia (possibly genetic) finally had something solid to chew on.

Or how about this one :

A woman told police someone was at her door and that when she asked who it was, no one answered. Police responded and determined the stranger outside had delivered a package.

Must be one tough burg to be a UPS guy in.

But this is my favorite :

A resident worried that a noisy hawk in a tree was in some sort of distress. When authorities arrived, the hawk was quiet and enjoying dinner.

Is that not adorable? I love that someone was worried about the hawk and called the police about it. I am not sure what they expected the police to do, but their heart was in the right place.

And that last line about him being “quiet and enjoying dinner” really tickles my funnybone. What a charming way to put it.

I picture a hawk sitting in a tree wearing a bib and eating a Lean Cuisine with a knife and fork, smoking a pipe, and reading the paper. The police show up and he looks down, mildly irritated at the interruption to his “me” time.

“Sorry to interrupt you, sir, but can we ask you a few questions?
“Certainly. Is there a problem, officer?”
“Well, someone reported noise coming from this area and we just wanted to see if everything was OK?”
“Oh, I am so sorry. I did make a bit of a fuss earlier but it was just because I burned my tongue on my Lean Cuisine. Guess I should have let it cool down longer. ”
“No problem, sir. Just remember to poke a hole in the wrapped to let the steam out and wait a few minute next time. Sorry to bother you!”

I have a neato imagination, don’t I?

Finally, I have a fun little video that is not quite what it purports to be.

It starts off looking like a potentially real documentary. Then, it seems like a fake documentary done for comedic effect, albeit an oddly subtle one.

But what it really is, I have concluded, is an excuse to show off some fairly well executed video edit type special effects to make it look like there are some seriously insane carnival rides out there and see if anyone will rise to the bait and think they were real.

And I will admit, I was fooled at first, but come on. If you can’t figure out that this could not possibly be real when they talk about a ride that takes 45 hours, you are clearly clue deficient.

I admit, I really love that last one, the Steam Cannon Catapult. I just love the way it looks. There is an elegance to the various tracks tapering off into the sky in different directions that appeals to me.

And I love the line about it causing people to “readjust key goals and life aspirations”. That is some very good comedy writing, because it is so understated and yet it implies so much.

Well that’s it for today, folks! Tune in tomorrow for more of whatever it is that feels like coming out of my head and wriggling through the wires into your brains that day.

But, you know, not in a creepy way.

One thought on “Still more stuff

  1. Vespertiliologist? Well, maybe… but that could also be someone who studies just the family Vespertilionidae (Vesper bats, aka plain-nosed bats), which is only about 1/3 of the bat species. Other suggestions I found are “chiropterist” and “chiropterologist”, based on the order Chiroptera, which includes all bats.

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