Here I am, dragging myself ashore and flopping down on the sand like so much flotsam (or jetsam) after a sad and soggy slog through the waist deep waters of my silty and salty subconscious.

Woke up earlier today with a great tune in my head. But by the time I was fully awake, it was gone. Damn I wish I was musically literate so I could have just written it down.

Last few days have been pretty groovy. Had a nice night visiting someone on Friday night. Made a nice change from the usual Denny’s trip (not that I am knocking Denny’s).

We ended up watching the original Total Recall (the Arnie one, not the stupid and highly unnecessary recent remake) and I really enjoyed it. It’s Arnold Schwarzenegger’s best movie, in my honest opinion. Unlike a lot of supposed science fiction movies that devolve into action movies and never come back, Total Recall is a solid science fiction movie which happens to have some pretty bitchin’ action sequences too.

And of course, we owe it all to Dick. As I have said before, I am a huge fan of Dick and so pretty much anything Dick based will appeal to me.

And Total Recall is full of Dick. Dick themes and Dick language pervade it. And the proof of the awesomeness of Dick is how people just keep making money off of Dick.

I am talking, of course, of Philip K. Dick, who is one of my favorite all time science fiction writers despite my only having read one of his novels and one short story compilation.

But the novel was Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep, the basis for the truly awesome science fiction movie Blade Runner, and it is one of my favorite science fiction novels of all time, along with Childhood’s End by Arthur C. Clarke and Dune by Frank Herbert.

I’m too lazy to go get the links for those two. Sue me.

And the short story collection was Beyond Lies The Wub, which just happened to contain We Can Remember It For You Wholesale, the short story upon which Total Recall is based.

What makes Total Recall so Dickish is its themes of unreliable reality, where the protagonist (and by extension, the reader) does not know what is truly real as opposed to what is just an illusion, a delusion, or a trick.

In writing about that, Dick extended the Cold War paranoia about mind trickery into the science fiction realm, presenting worlds in which the machinations of corrupt or downright malign authority figures might cause you to doubt everything you think you know about the world or yourself.

I find it hard to relate to that era’s level of paranoia about authority. I have a healthy suspicion of authority and I am not one who easily trusts those in power to be competent or honorable, but dring a certain era of science fiction, they seemed very worried that the Powers That Be were going to get into our very minds and turn us into sheeplike zombie people.

Perhaps it takes a certain core belief in authority in the first place in order for the realization that it is imperfect and all too human to shake you to the core and make you doubt everything.

But we Generation X types grew up in the post-authority era. Watergate happened when I was still pronouncing it “pasketti” and thought this song was called “Calling Octopus”. I was never taught respect for authority, or that authority (or The System) would be there for me and I should be there for it.

That kind of security was denied us by our disillusioned parents. We grew up with the message “you are on your own”, and some of us did not take it so well.

Anyhow. Sound effect of me forcibly dragging myself back to the point. Friday was nice.

Ended up staying up till the wee hours of the morning just chatting with all my friends. It ended up being quite the impromptu group therapy session, to be honest, and that brings people closer together. I am very happy it all happened.

Saturday was its usual quiet, boring, comfortable self. After socializing on Friday night, it is always nice for an introvert like me to have a day to recover and recharge my social batteries.

Honestly, given how tired I feel right now despite a day of sleep, I could probably use another. But there is a BCSFA meeting tonight and I want to be there. So I am going to try to keep it together to get there and enjoy company and snacks.

Then I can go back to my usual solitary self tomorrow and process the whole thing and enjoy the fruits of breaking my usual isolation for a change.

But boy would I love to slip into an alternate dimension outside of time and take about a three hour nap right about now. This is one of those days where I am so tired that I have to sleep all day just to have enough energy to actually get some real sleep later on.

Not sure why my sleep is kind of sucky lately. Perhaps because the winter is forcing me to sleep with my window closed most of the time, and I am therefore not getting the fresh air that is my weakass version of CPAP therapy for my sleep apnea.

Sounds plausible, and it might even be true. Plus, caffeine, whatever.

I had a full 2L of Diet Coke over Saturday, and that might lead to this crash of mine. Ironically, I was not even sure I needed a nap after lunch today, but I took one “just in case”.

Outcome : I am actually much more sleepy as a result. How fucked up is that? Sleep making you sleepier?

Right now, I think I will go take a micro-nap and try to get those batteries of mine to hold a charge and be ready for tonight.

You would think by this age, I would be better at, like…. sleep.

But you would be wrong.