I seem to be in the eye of the link storm. so I suppose it is time to return to my role as diarist.

Had therapy today. Forgot to bring the disability form with me, which I only realized when we were a few blocks from the office. I had it all set in my mind that I was going to bring the form with me, but then at the vital moment, Joe asked me to wait for him out front instead of going with him to the car as usual, and that was just enough to put it out of my mind again.

It can be a curse to have so slippery a mind.

The point of the form is to get me on to full disability, as opposed to the half-assed PPMB (People with Persistent Multiple Barriers) that I am on now.

Realistically, I am not going to be employable any time soon, and full disability would mean another $200/month in my pocket, plus the ability to buy a bus pass that works for all zones and lasts a whole year, effectively making the transit system my playground.

And I think there are opportunities for education that I can’t currently access, and it would sure as hell be nice to actually finish my education, have a piece of paper that proves how bright I am, and be able to seek some form of meaningful employment.

Ideally, I would be able to find a good Writing for Television program here. That is what I really want to do, write for television, and I would be damned good at it.

It would be a smart investment on the province’s part. It would shift me from tax burden to tax payer. And being able to make a living with my own skills would do wonders for my self-esteem.

I wonder if you can put your education on Kickstarter? Invest in my education! I will pay you back from my future paychecks. Kind of like a student loan, but more honest and less complicated.

I would even agree to a lifelong percentage as long as it wasn’t too high. I got the mad skills yo. I could return substantial dividends to a lucky investor willing to take a risk on my amazing creative skills and razor sharp wit.

I mean, I am almost as funny as this GIF.

Sometimes the funniest things come from the simplest things. All the person did was stick gloves on their horses’ ears and suddenly, boom, hilarity.

Anyhow, due to my god damned absentmindedness (my tragic flaw, my bete noire, my curse), therapy was actually therapy today, as opposed to the paperwork I anticipated.

And the first thing my therapist did really pissed me off. I told him I had forgotten the form, and he said “Oh, you didn’t forget…. ” in that super irritating way therapists have of insisting on assigning cheap and obvious meaning to every little thing.

But I was in no mood for that bullshit after forgetting the form, so I cut him off right away.

“Yes, I forgot. ” I said firmly.

He said “I dunno…. Freud said there was no such thing as forgetting… ”

“Well he was WRONG. ” I insisted.

And that was that. I am very very sick of him doing things like that. All it does is complicate the business of my trying to pour out my heart to him and make me feel less safe in therapy in the sense of never knowing when he is going to seize on something I have said, the particular way I phrased something, and drag the conversation into some inane question of semantics when that is so not the point and all it does is bring the therapy to a screeching halt.

Still, I am pleased with myself for so freely expressing my annoyance and standing up for myself in the process, and I hope he was pleased with it too. It shows that I am learning to assert myself and that the world does not come tumbling down just because I let out a little anger.

There’s a lot more where that came from, folks.

I just need to find a way to express it that bypasses the monster at the door that always rears up when I try to access all that rage and makes me feel like I am becoming… dangerous.

Well, people who cannot express anger in a normal way are often the most dangerous because we are the people who seem like nice quiet people but we are storing up so much rage that one day we might just snap and do something crazy.

And I feel pretty crazy sometimes.

There has to be middle ground between total suppression and total expression.

Anyhoo, here is today’s silly ass vid to amuse you.

After therapy and whatnot, I was not in the mood to appear on camera, so this happened. I wish I had tried something more ambitious though. The experience of making it was not very satisfying in a creative way.

Oh, and just to add to my aggravation, my copy of Ulead VideoStudio, which is my main video editing tool, has developed an eccentricity where it won’t let me import WAV files into the videos any more.

If I do, the video crashes the program when I try to play it. So all my music samples are useless to my video projects now and I have to go back to using other people’s music for intro and outro.

Hopefully once I give my computer a good hard rebooting, the problem will go away. I want my videos to be as copyright clean as possible for potential monetization.

And my conscience, for that matter. It feels a little odd for a lifelong shameless software pirate for me to say this, but I don’t want to steal other people’s works.

Boosting software from a nameless corporation is one thing. But making money from someone else’s work without compensation just feels wrong.

After all, I am a content creator myself, and I sure as hell would not want that happening to me!

Talk at you tomorrow, folks!