Great. I felt fine all day, then right when it is time for me to sit down and blog, I get all tired and sleepy.

Maybe it’s the meal I just had, making me tired as my blood sugar comes back to something normal. I was surprised to find myself feeling quite woozy and wobbly when I got up from bed for supper at around 7 PM. I had a perfectly solid and complex lunch today. One would think that would do me for the nonce. But no, I was experiencing mild but distinctive low blood sugar symptoms.

Usually when that happens, after I finally eat, I get a slight euphoric feeling that leads to tiredness as, I am guessing, the body says “Ahhhh, that’s so much better, let’s make him lay down and sleep so he doesn’t waste all this blood sugar again.”

It is sobering to think that the symptoms of low blood sugar are the result of every cell in your body crying out for food.

It can’t be a natural sort of tiredness, because I took a nap in the afternoon. Then again, it was one of those dream soaked naps that leave me all wrung out and spacey, so that might be a contributing factor as well.

Geez, I almost dozed off there when I paused for thought. This is more serious than I had thought.

Still working on my new “no pressure” mindset. Putting pressure in myself to do things does not work. It strangles that which it hopes to inspire and only serves to jam the system.

So I am working hard to stay in a zone of comfort and relaxation and acceptance. Whatever happens is fine by my. I am just a happy hedonist looking for a good time. Plans, ambitions, dreams, and so on can all take a break and cool their jets, because I am resetting the clock and dropping all power levels down to zero.

I will either learn to grow myself in a healthy, sane, stable, viable way, or I will stay as I am for the rest of my life. Either is fine. Putting insane amounts of pressure on myself to Do Something accomplishes nothing but making me miserable and jamming the system.

Fix the blockages first. Then I will turn the power back on.

As always, my goal is to learn to act from desire instead of compulsion. I want to rebuild how I see the world and how I act within it is based on desire and happiness, not guilt and misery.

W00ps. Zoned out again. Damn, you would think I had been slipped the Mickey. Never accept free drinks, people, unless you saw the bartender make it.

Getting very tired of the spotty WiFi reception in my room. I could order a new WiFi router, I guess.

Or I could just rearrange my room a little. See, the thing is, the reception is only really bad at the exact spot where I want to use it, namely the head of the bed, which is where I lay my bed.

So if I was to shift things around so that I laid the other way around, I might be ablke to fix the problem. Seems odd to consider moving furniture to be less of a hassle than ordering something online, but honestly I could really use the change anyhow. I have been sleep on and sweating into the same section of my giant king sized bed for years. If I could just start sleeping and lounging on a different part of the bed, I bet I would sleep much better.

My therapist says I need a new mattress, and that would definitely be nice. Mine is pretty old now and has been through a heck of a lot, including the many times I had to fold it in half to fit in some vehicle when I had to move.

And mattresses really don’t like that.

So it is not, objectively speaking, a very good mattress. It’s all bowed and sprung and infirm. Any sleep specialist, or chiropractor for that matter, would probably look at my bed and throw their hands up in despair.

Ergo, I cannot deny the need. I would likely sleep a million times better if I had a fresh, firm, new mattress.

Getting one is no easy task, tho, because even if I had someone who wanted to give me a totally new mattress right this very second, I would still have to find a means to transport it.

Still, it is an idea well worth considering. I would sleep a lot better, and who knows what that would do to my mood. I cannot discount the role of sleep apnea in my low mood.

Maybe if I got some decent rest, I would get some pep in my step and be all eager to go out and conquer the world.

Or at least get to a furmeet or too.

Still fading in and out. When I am done here, I am going to hit the hay SO DAMNED HARD.

Watched the final episodes of Mad About You today. So I am a little teh sad. Final episodes of sitcoms always make me very emotional, as they tend to be quite sentimental and I am just a big fat gooey sponge when it comes to that kind of thing.

I am both highly logical and analytical, and very sensitive and sappy. I really need to get these two sides of me working together somehow. It could be quite the combination.

I have a lot of powerful personal assets in my personality. Sometimes that frightens me, because of course, with great power comes great responsibility, and I have felt like a giant amongst paper pygmies for a long long time.

But they are probably a lot stronger than I give them credit for. I have already been opening up my personality some and the results have been pretty good.

Wait till they see the real, full me!