Just finished watching Turtle Power : The Definitive History Of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, a documentary about the whole Turtles thing, from how Eastman and Laird met to the day they signed the rights away twenty years after the first issue.

They met because Eastman found a copy of a fan comic Laird had been doing called Scat (interesting title) and decided he wanted to meet the guy behind it. They hit it off instantly and, after a lot of time spent drawing and watching TV together, they came up with the Turtles, made the first comic, and borrowed money from relatives to get 3000 copies printed.

And it took off like a rocket from there. The 3000 copies sold out in a few week. By issue 8 they were selling 150 thousand copies per ish, six ishes a year.

Then came the toys, the cartoon, the three movies, and the live tour. (Yes, a live tour. In which they were rock stars and sang pro-social rock and roll. That still amazes me. )

The movies were, sadly, of descending quality according to fans and the box office. The phenomenon peaked with the first movie. Sadly, nothing aimed at kids can have a long life, as the N’syncs and Justin Biebers of the world know. The second movie was so ill-received that the third had no chance to make it. After that, things dropped off pretty fast.

But of course, nothing that was that big dies out completely. Now fathers are introducing their kids to TMNT, and they attempt to reboot the franchise now and then.

The less said about the Michael Bay movies, the better.

I really enjoyed the documentary. I love finding out all the details about something I like. Anything about how the sausage is made in the media is fascinating to me. And I was a Turtles fan at the time… sort of.

I was too old for the cartoon when it was on. Plus, I had the disadvantage of having been a fan of the comics. To me, at the time, with the snottiness of youth, I thought the cartoon was a farcical demoting of dark, complex, interesting characters into pathetically tamed down goofy kid’s stuff.

People forget that the original comic was not for kids.

So while I was somewhat aware of the massive phenomenon that was TNMT in the 90’s, I was not a part of it. So I had no idea, before I saw this documentary, just how massive it was.

I mean there’s big, and then there’s BIG.

What really got to me was the testimonials from people who were kids at the time. They talked about how, all at once, every kid was into TNMT. It hit that fast. There was something about the Turtles that instantly appealed to kids and the fact that the people involved did an extremely good job of marketing them didn’t hurt either.

As someone who grew up in the 70’s and 80’s, I can’t say I have ever seen someone catch on that big. Sure, there were big hits like He-Man, but never to the point where entire classrooms were filled with wall-to-wall He-Man fans.

Some people would be into He-Man, some into G. I. Joe, some into Thundercats… it was a diverse social environment.

So I find it hard to relate to this massive cultural phenom. It really feels like the Turtles were the exact right thing at the exact right time. The days of He-Man were just ending, and the kids were ready for something completely different. Something a little more mature, a little more cool, a little more edgy. Something a little less obvious, that talked down to them a little less, and that had that magic “boy band” formula of “four people with different but relatable personalities”.

For historical context, think of the Beatles.

You have The Nerd (Donatello), the Bad Boy (Raphael), the Good Boy (Leonardo), and the Party Animal (Michelangelo). Between those four, you pretty much have most kids covered.

Luckily for me, because I was not a kid during the TNMT explosion, I was never asked to pick a favorite Turtle. I honestly don’t know. Parts of me resonate with each of them.

In the comics, I liked Raphael because he was the dark moody one and I was still in my Wolverine phase where I was attracted to that kind of character. Seeing as I was a teenage boy when I read the comics, I too was moody and dark and would have been the one to rebel against authority if anyone had been trying to assert it over me, and so I loved characters that reflected that.

I mean, my other big hero (and always my A #1 dude till the end of time) was Spider-Man, and he’s not exactly a “joiner” either.

The difference, of course, is that I grew out of it. Now I can’t stand prima donna assholes like that who act like their emotions mean they don’t have to control themselves like everybody else does. Just having these people around makes everything more difficult and time-consuming and just way more of a hassle than it needs to be, and one begins to wonder whether it is worth having them around at all.

Luckily, cartoon Raphael is a lot more like me. Basically, I see myself as being part Raph and part Donatello… a sarcastic nerd. I admire Leo for being a leader and keeping things together but I don’t really identify with me.

And Mike is an idiot and annoying and I often want to smack him. Seriously, Michelangelo… STFU. You’re a dumbass!

I get the concept that his function is to keep things from getting too dark and being sort of the jester of the group, but I am not feeling it. Raph is funny. He’s my kind of court jester.

Then against, I have never liked clowns.

Anyhoo, I really enjoyed the documentary and highly recommend it to everyone who was even slightly a fan of any of the versions of the Turtles. Even the Michael Bay ones.

And I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.