Today was a lot better than yesterday.

Not that things got any easier. Quite the opposite. I worked really hard. But that was the best thing for me, I think.

First up today was Format, and I just plain had not done the assignment. There came a point where I had to prioritize and I chose not to do the one that seemed thuddingly dull. So I came into class ready to take my lumps for not having done it.

But first the teacher was fifteen minutes late because VFS apparently double booked her, and she had been teaching another class. So in a sense we stole her from that class. Their loss was our gain, although, of course, from my POV, she could have stayed with the other class all day.

When she started class, the presentations began, and I was nervous as hell. Not only did I have no presentation, I had a double assignment due in my afternoon class and I hadn’t done that, either. What can I say, I had gotten super far behind.

But the thing is, Format class takes place in the computer lab of 198 West Hastings. So I was sitting in front of a computer while stressing about being called upon for the first time in my life. ^[eek!] And I realized that I could just work on the stuff for my afternoon class while other people blathered on about whether the episode title was separated from the show title in the header by a dash or a colon.

Just typing that sentence makes me wince. I am not a detail oriented person. These minutiae make my head spin. I mean, who the fuck cares? And hearing the prof tell each student “Good work, very detailed!” at the end of each presentation only confirmed that I was on an alien planet hostile to my particular form of life.

Anyhoo, I worked like a self-employed dog on my assignment for the other class, and by 11:30 am, I realized that a miracle was in the making : these things were taking around fifteen minutes each, and there was two people left to go besides me!

So having completed the first half of my two part afternoon assignment, I just kind of moseyed off to the bathroom for the last fifteen minutes of class, and what do you know, I dodged the bullet and never had to admit that I had not done the assignment. Though I am pretty sure the prof knew what I was up to, and told me I could do it next week as a kindness.

During lunchtime, I just barely managed to get the second part of my Script Structure assignment done, and so, miracle diablu, I actually got that shit done on time. Yay me! And the thing is, while it was stressful, it also felt pretty good.

Turns out I really am happiest when I am busy!

I had been doubting that lately, especially yesterday. Everything had seemed so overwhelming, and I felt so tired, and it was really seeming like I had bit off more than I could chew with this whole VFS thing and the whole “I can’t wait to be busier” thing was pure naivete because when I had been thinking that, I hadn’t been factoring in how tired I would be when doing it all.

But today, I got my second wind, thanks to some tension, pressure, and hard work, and I actually felt pretty good. Or at the very least, I was too busy to notice how I felt, and sometimes that’s the same thing. I had something to pour my energies into without restraint, and the result was that I got a lot of tension out and a lot of endorphins in.

So bring it on. I wish I had even more to do, but as far as I know, I don’t. Sometime soon – Saturday at the latest – I am going to go through my schedule and input every assignment whose due date is known into my little student calendar app, and hopefully that will keep me informed enough that I don’t fall behind like this again.

There are mental prosthetics for absentminded people in this world. You just have to remember to use them!

My work last night was great too. It was eight pages of screenplay and it took most of the evening to do, but I like the finished product and look forward to doing the table read of it in class tomorrow morning. Perhaps I will post it here sometime soon.

And I realized something while doing it. Every time I sit down to write real fiction (as opposed to this journaling), there is a transitory moment where I think, “Oh right, writing’s hard. ”

Nothing ever comes of it, and once I get warmed up it’s not so bad, but for a moment it’s like I had completely forgotten than writing requires enormous effort and total engagement. I imagine it’s what it is like when an athlete’s first day of spring training. Sure, they have been working out to stay in shape, but not at anything like what they do when the pre-season begins.

I know a lot about sports for a total nerd.

Once I am warmed up, it’s just a matter of pushing and pushing until the goddamned thing is done. I don’t know what other writers’ processes are like, but for me, it’s akin to taking a long and difficult dump. It might not be fun getting it out, but it sure feels good having it out!

But mostly, it just feels good to burn. Burn through my energies, and in doing so, burn out a lot of the leftover emotional crap that clogs my pathways like silt clogs a river.

And yup…. that’s more water imagery.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.