It’s Friday, I don’t really feel like talking about anything serious, so here’s some random stuff I am into now.

School. After my meltdown and/or burnout Wednesday night, I’m feeling MUCH better now.

I guess I just need the occasional emotional breakdown to go through me like a forest fire and clear out all the old dead growth so that new life has a place to grow. Now I am enjoying life and enjoying school. There will always be an impatient little kid in me who doesn’t want to be sitting there listening to things, especially in the summer, but now that we are workshopping more and attending lectures less, that’s much less of a problem.

And I am getting to do what I really want to do, which is write.

My short film script had its debut today. By that, I mean that today was the day it got a table read and some workshopping in class. I had to go last, which is both good and bad. On the one hand, I wasn’t tasked with maintaining interest in other people’s works after my presentation was done. It’s not that I am that selfish. I really want to help people with their stuff. But one of my main issues is concentration and focus (mainly, keeping this big brain of mine from wandering off on me), and knowing my time in the spotlight is coming up helps that a lot.

On the other hand, it was so much waiting. Plus, there is a part of me that always associates going last with being picked last, and that’s never a good feeling. In Pitch class, the way it works is that a person pitches, then picks the next person to pitch, and I am always picked last. I don’t know what the problem is. Perhaps I am putting out those mixed “pay attention to me/ ignore me” signals. Maybe I put out a weird vibe. Maybe I just don’t seem approachable or accessible.

And in a sense, I’m not, due to social maladjustment. But I am learning.

Fallout 4. Despite the game being “so last month” with all my online friends (dammit), it’s a fascinating game. At first, I wasn’t that impressed because it seemed like Bethesda had taken my favorite game franchise and reduced it to yet another FPS.

But that was before I found out what happens when you press Q. Suddenly, the action is in slo-mo and I get to pick which body part to target and it’s almost exactly like the dynamic I loved in 1 and 2. And I am back being the super badass motherfucker with incredible aim who takes down enemies with a single shot to the head.

The game even slows things down for a slo-mo replay of the kill. SPLUT. Take that, you motherfucking raiders! You live by force and fear, and I represent civilization, and it is therefore my sworn duty to put you on the right path…. by putting you in the grave.

Relax, folks… it’s just a video game. One I am enjoying the HECK out of.

And it has a huuuuge world. So when I get bored of doing missions, I can just go a-wandering and find neat stuff like a trading post (where I got to be the badass who protects an old mother and her junkie son from some scumbag drug dealers) or an old USAF satellite station (yay, more raiders to kill!) or an abandoned train.

SO all in all, a very good purchase. I imagine it will keep me busy for quite a long time. Schoolwork comes first, of course. But it’s a good secure feeling to know that when I have downtime, I have a highly enjoyable video game to play. I still kinda wish I had waited to see what the other critters were playing these days so I could actually be able to participate in the discussions, but what the hell, I am having a good time playing a good game at its maximum graphical capacity, so ya know, whatevs.

Books. I’ve talked her before about rediscovering my love of reading after finally breaking the grip my tablets had on me. Man, fuck looking at screens all the time. The games on the tablets were usually pretty lame anyhow, especially compared to actual legitimate PC games. And now that I am letting my eyes rest on pages instead of screens sometimes, I feel a lot better. I was overexciting my brain with those stupid tablet games, and worse, I was doing it right before trying to sleep.

No wonder I had a hard time getting to sleep!

Speaking of sleep, my alarm either didn’t go off or I slept through it this morning. So I woke up at 7:36 am instead of 7:00 am, and that meant I barely had time to eat before I had to be out the door, and that meant I had no time to make a lunch.

That has been happening all week. One thing or another keeps preventing me from packing a lunch. Of the five school days of this week, I only packed a lunch once. Other days, I either ate at Bon Chaz, or at Subway like today (thanks to the gift card Joe got me for my birthday), or, I am ashamed to admit, I just plain skipped lunch except for a Mars bar on my super busy day.

So the only thing I ate was something I am really not supposed to eat. Shameful.

Hopefully, I will be once more in sync with the universe next week, and I will be bringing lunches and eating them in the lounge with everyone else once again. Doing so is my best chance of somehow learning to go with the flow and be a part of things and maybe get a better understanding of when I am getting along and when I am talking moon language to people, and try to minimize the latter.

Slow, I shall remove the doofus from my personality, and replace it with awesomeness.

And then… I will RULE THE WORLD.

Or at least be able to secure gainful employment.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.