I am so fucking angry right now.

I am so angry that I could pull the head off ten chickens and still be mad at the end. I am so mad that I wish I was the Incredible Hulk so I could punch something into the Sun. I am so mad that I could kick a hole in the side of a battleship and not even feel it.

I am telling you, I am quite put out.

To tell you why. I have to start with a funny little thing that happened to me this morning. Namely, that I found my fucking bus pass.

You know, the same bus pass that has been missing for two weeks and whose absence has cost me $8 per school day in transit fees, severely straining both my finances and my nerves the whole time?

Well, it turns out that it was sitting on my floor, right under my computer chair, inches away from me the whole fucking time.

If I had only thought to look there when I first noticed it missing, I would have saved myself all this heartache, stress, guilt, frustration, rage, confusion, and expense.

I am out at least $64 because I am too stupid to be standing up when I am looking around for something that has gone missing. The goddamned fucking piece of shit card was right there all this time.

Oh, but that’s just where this day started.

See, I reported the card missing. The person at the ministry then told me that I had to wait for a letter to arrive, then pay a $10 fee, then I would have my new card.

So when I found my beloved card, I called them up to tell them I found it and that they could cancel the cancellation of it and the sending of a new one as well.

I honestly didn’t expect this to work, but I figured it was worth a shot.

And yup. that was no longer an option. Oh well. But while I was on the line, I asked the person there whether I was doing things right by doing what I was told to do, which is wait for the letter THEN pay the fee.

That had never made sense to me.

And lo and behold, it turns out I could have paid the money immediately and that if I had done so, I would have had my new card way sooner because they don’t send out the fucking card until you pay the fucking fee.

So, not what I was told the first time at all. This whole thing could have been over ages ago and I could have saved a lot of money if the person I talked to  the first time hadn’t completely misinformed me about how this shit works.

Oh, but we are still not done. According to the person on the phone today, now that I have paid the fee (I did it right after I hung up), I will probably get it before the end of December.

Get it? I might get it before the new year, I might not. That’s how long it takes these people to just stick a fucking card in an envelope and mail it to me.

That means there is zero chance I will be able to avoid paying $8 a day for the remaining 7 days of school, bringing the total number of days sans bus pass to 15 and my financial loss to a staggering $120, or around 13 percent of my monthly income, 25 percent of my monthly disposable income. ^[1]

And according to the person I talked to today, there’s absolutely nothing she can do about it. I’m the one living on $975/month due to being disabled. They are the ones with billions of dollars in the budget. They are the ones who fucked up, not me. But I am the one who has to pay for their error.

And all at Christmastime! Merry Christmas, everyone!

I truly feel like the universe owes me that goddamned money. I know I will never get it, but I still feel that way. None of this should have happened.

I mean, I know losing the card in the first place was my fault, but everything after that happened because some cocksucker at the ministry didn’t know WTF he was talking about. This from the the same part of the ministry whose phone line has wait times of over an hour, because apparently the whole section has like three people working there.

Or they are all just a bunch of lazy assholes. Pick your poison.

And I know that I will get over this. That in time, I will shrug this all off and eat the loss and move on with my life having learning a harsh and painful lesson in the casual callous cruelty of bloodless bureaucracy and the total lack of accountability thereof.

But that doesn’t make me any less mad now. I have been fucked over by the system and nobody even gives a shit. I have lost a lot of money because of some dumbfuck dipwad turd gargler at the ministry and there’s not a damned thing I can do to get it back.

For my entire life, I have been at the mercy of other people’s fuckups, and I am sick and tired of it. I deserve better than that,. I don’t deserve to get stepped on my every goddamned idiot who couldn’t find their dick with both hands and a hard-on. I don’t deserve to be treated like I don’t exist or that I don’t matter. I don’t deserve to be smacked around by fate. And I sure as hell don’t deserve to lose my precious cash over a petty bureaucratic error that I just plain can’t afford.

So while there is nothing I can do to get my money back, I can at least express me rage at how I am being treated.

I refuse to suffer in silence any more.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.