Today, I am finally going to get around to talking about procrastination.

But first, a quick personal update : I got my raise! No argument, no pushback, just a message from my boss saying that I would be paid $60 for this week’s 4 scripts.

I didn’t have to write one yesterday, because it was Labour Day.

I just had to add the word “labour” to my computer’s automatic spellcheck. The quiet battle for Canadian identity continues. now and forever.

I don’t know yet about my other demand, which was to work directly with the rest of the team. We will see.

I just feel all sparkly good about myself because I stood up for myself and it worked.

Anyhow, back to putting things off.

We all know that procrastination is a bad habit. We know it only makes things worse for us in the long run. We all kick ourselves for the lazy dumbasses we are when we panic because it’s the last minute and we still haven’t done that thing yet and now we have to do a really half-assed job really fast, even though we have had tons of time to do the thing. But no, we pussied out and kept putting it off, and now we’re fucked.

And that’s a very unpleasant experience. And we know it’s easily avoidable and yet we also know it will happen again. Once the crisis is over, we’ll forget all about it, and go back to putting things off.

But why? What makes later seem better than now? Clearly, we would be better off doing our things as soon as we get them. It’s the same amount of work either way, and if we do them ASAP, we can forget all about them and relax instead of having them looming over our heads for literally the maximum amount of time.

And yet, we keep on doing it. Let’s talk about why.

The key here is avoidance, which for the purpose of this blog entry I will define as “dealing with stressful things by dodging them instead of dealing with them”.

We’re all guilty of it now and then. But for the kind of people for whom procrastination is a serious problem (like myself), avoidance is our primary defense mechanism against stressful situations. Our instinctual response to a rise in stress is to detach from the situation as soon as possible, and the easiest and fastest way to do it is to shove all thoughts of the stressful thing out of our minds, thus returning to the eerily placid state of mind that we prefer.

It’s a classic bit of short term thinking. But it’s not really thinking, is it? It’s a gut level emotional response, as simple and thoughtless as a reflex.

Every day, we face the choice of doing what we know we’re supposed to do right away to get over it and punting it downfield to the future and thus happily screwing over our future selves, who will resent us greatly for it.

We make the bad choice – procrastination – because it’s easier and it resolves the emotional issue immediately.

So how does one go from being a procrastinating full to being a take-charge go-getter who is always on top of their lives and thus masters (and mistresses) of their own fate?

Beats me. If I knew, I wouldn’t have to write about it in order to figure it out.

I know that is involves a deep and subtle but profound change of attitude towards life. And that will require building up your mental muscle, particularly your intelligent self-interest preservation muscles.

That is the muscle that you use when you actively choose the better-for-you option instead of the immediate-gratification option. Like a physical muscle, it gets stronger from use and making the right choice gets easier over time.

But that’s not a first-level solution. It only begs the question, “and how does one do that? How does one get to a mental place where one can do that?”

And therein lies the rub, because no matter how you look at it, if you are serious about improving your habits, then you have to do what you really don’t want to do, and that is dealing with things.

It’s a choice only you can make. It starts with choosing to stay in the moment of stress instead of skating away as fast as you can. It will feel very unnatural and wrong at first, but if you stick with it, it becomes easier over time.

That doesn’t mean you have to immediately jump from procrastination to hyper competence. That is never going to happen. Instead, all that is required is that when you feel this urge to push things away, pause for a moment. Do it one second later.

This gives your mind an extra moment to digest the thought and that will reduce the scariness of the thought and interrupt the process of merely slapping a huge label that says “LATER” on it and shoving it right back out the door.

It’s basically a desensitizing technique. It will gradually convince your inner emotional matrix that things are not as bad or scary as you once thought, and that these things can be dealt with sooner than usual without it being a horrible experience.

This will involve a certain degree of inner monitoring. You have to catch yourself in the act, so to speak. And you might not be the sort of person who likes doing that.

Well, too bad. Doing so is vital to any kind of cognitive therapy, and cognitive therapy is the most effective kind of therapy, so…. buck up and do it.

Of course, I am only describing a method. You will have to apply it yourself. I can’t make you do it. Nobody can. It’s entirely up to you. Not because everyone is trying to force you to learn some kind of harsh lesson. Because it is literally physically impossible for me to climb inside your head and run your life for you.

And if you think that sounds unfair and that I am just being a meanie, then you really need to grow the fuck up.

It’s all up to you. It’s always been up to you. It will always be up to you. You are the only person who can live your life and make your choices.

Childhood ends. That can’t be helped.

But refusing to face the truth of your own autonomy and thus your responsibility for your own outcomes only makes things way worse.

You can be happy.

But it’s going to take some work.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.