So today I feel depressed.

It’s the usual combination of anger. frustration, boredom, irritability, and feeling like I am a mighty beast kept in too small of a cage, and I am pacing back and forth and plotting my ultimate revenge.

That got oddly specific.

I think I am just going through one of the phases of my recovery, namely the frustration phase. My energies have been aroused (and my arousal has been energized), and those energies want out. But there is still too much depression standing in the way.

Still, I have had enough of these phases and have achieved enough clarity about them to know that they often prove to be good in the long term. It is by the power of all that pent up emotion that new growth is forced to the surface like molten lava..

So I guess, to run with that metaphor as you know I must, right now I am experiencing the eruption. And being around the eruption sucks. It’s hot, there’s smoke and ash in the air. the air smells gross and weird, oh, and there’s a slow moving river of molten rock destroying everything in its path.

Protip : do not be in its path. It is bad.

But after the eruption, things go back to normal, more or less, but the island is just a little bit bigger.

And who knows, maybe some day it will be big enough for me to swim to the mainland and escape my little island prison forever.

Or at least make it fucking optional.

Applied for a job helping someone edit their book about an atheist learning the true meaning of Xmas. I have no problem with that. I have a lot of issues with modern atheism. I think people whom I otherwise admire and respect, like Neil Degrasse Tyson, have turned atheism into a hate group. And I have a lot to say on the subject.

And I have no problem promoting Xmas either. I adore Xmas and I am quite happy to spread its true meaning. Granted. my version of the true meaning skips the Jesus parts, which is why it’s Xmas to me. but the message of love, compassion, caring, and joy is one I will wholeheartedly endorse till the day I die.

It’s a longshot, though. I have no relevant experience and it could be said that I am qualified for the job only in theory. There are bound to be a bunch of people who can actually establish real bona fides applying too.

But what the hell. The job pays $500. So it’s worth a shot.

Wow, someone who understands that if you want top talent, you pay top dollar. I have gotten to businessmen thinking they are entitled to unlimited labour for crap wages (and then complaining that they only get low quality workers like that’s somehow the government’s fault) that seeing anyone who actually goddamned understands capitalism feels like a breath of fresh fucking air by comparison, god dammit.

Sorry. I was just watching Samanta Bee with J&J. It’s got me all riled up.

I love her show because she actually expresses the sheer rage at the insanity that is the world of today and makes no apologies for it. Neither Trevor Noah or Stephen Colbert can afford to do that. For one, they are meant for a broad audience and I am sure sheer cataclysmic rage does not “test well”.

But the more important factor is that Trevor and Stephen (sounds like a charming gay couple) have to pace themselves because they have to go out there four or five times a week. Sam’s show is weekly, so she can save it all up for the camera.

I also think her being a woman helps a little too. People expect women to express their emotions a lot more overtly than men. And more verbally. Plus, I think that because she fundamentally comes across as an average blonde white lady a lot like a ton of other blonde white ladies you know, her voice carries that special kind of authority that convinces otherwise sane police officers to investigate black people just because some white lady on the phone sounded really scared.

Not that she’d do that. It’s just an example.

The other person that benefits from only being on once a wek is John Oliver, and he does a better job of expressing the rage too. but being British and male, he is genetically unable to express it in any form except sarcasm and mockery.

And that works for him because the British have been refining and weaponizing sarcasm for hundreds of years and that’s art of his cultural inheritance.

Plus, you have to admit, sarcasm sounds best delivered in that accent. It really makes the target of the sarcasm look like an idiot.

I wonder if that connects with why so many villains in things are British. Isaac Asimov had a theory that our basic heroic storytelling model is inherently anti-intellectual, which is why the hero is always a wielder of brute force (a barbarian, a knight, an everyman figure who is good at punching, etc) and the bad guy is always a wielder of intellectual force (a wizard, an evil scientist, that asshole in the coffee shop in Good Will Hunting).

You might get something where the hero is a wizard (like Harry Potter) but you almost never see something where the bad guy is a simple wielder of brute force.

Why? Because it would feel too much like you’re punching down, I think. On some level, we understand that intellectual power beats brute force hands down. Society makes that clear. Being the stronger,. faster, better warrior means almost nothing in modern society. But being the smartest guy in the room might make you rich and assuredly gives you the potential to do the highest status jobs around, like doctor, lawyer, financier, and duck wrangler.

Seriously. Those guy get paid so well. Because ducks are assholes.

I feel somewhat better now, around three hours since I started writing this thing. That’s the thing about depression. It comes and goes, just like the weather.

Let’s hope for clearer skies ahead.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.