And that’s a bigger deal than you might think.

Because there’s more at stake than some abstract sense of wisdom that comes from self-examanation (the unexamined life is probably better) or a sense of wholeness and wellbeing that comes from really getting to know yourself, you know, as a person.

No the problem arises when people make promises based on faulty or incomplete self knowledge. These promises and commitments and such all hinge on a person’s ability to predict how they will feel in the future, and we naked beach apes are notoriously bad at that. Heck, even the smartest among us have trouble even imagining being in a mood other than the one we are currently in.

And when we can, it is generally only in the abstract. This is necessary for mood stability in most people, but it can lead to very poor long term choices.

I am not saying that people are idiots. Far from it. This is an observation on human nature. Everyone has that problem.

Even high IQ types like me.

Back to the main event : faulty self-knowledge.

Let’s take a common example : the abusive partner in a relationship who keeps saying they are going to change but never does.

The problem is that when they say that, they are not lying. It passes the sincerity test. They honestly believe they are going to change and things are going to be different from now on and everything will be okay.

And so the abused partner,. sensing their total sincerity, takes them back. And for a while, they keep their word and things are okay.

But then they go back to their abusive ways. And the abused person puts up with it for a while because they want to believe that the person has changed and this was just a minor slip up.

Before long,. they are right back to the abused partner listening to the abuser beg them to stay and sincerely promising to change.

And all because the abuser is sincere when they promise to change.

I could go into how easy it is to mean what you say when, on some level, you know you will not mean it later, but that’s some crazy-making shit and not relevant to the topic.

The thing is, the abuser does not know why they abuse. In fact, odds are, even if they feel bad about it, deep down they still think it is all justified by what the victim(s) have done to them and that they are actually just the innocent victims in this.

That’s a necessary part of the structure of an abusive behaviour pattern. Without a very strong sense of justification, the abuser would have to face their own evil and admit to themselves they hurt people for no good reason.

Anyhow (boy I say that a lot), my point is that the pattern of abuse is based on a lack of self-knowledge on the part of the abuser. If they knew and understood themselves better, they would get that the things that set them off are going to happen again and that they have to work on that.

Another, even higher stakes example of this is marriage.

A young couple madly in love with one another is completely incapable of imagining that ever changing. Romantic love is. in ways both wondrous and worrisome, completely overwhelming to those involved, and our sense of restraint and our wisdom do not stand a chance against the onslaught of emotions.

And that is lovely in theory. And, I presume, in practice. This passion for one another is the fire in which the bond of a future relationship together is formed.

The problem comes when the people are not, in fact, compatible. Once those emotions are in play, even couple that any intelligent stranger can tell do not belong together can end up creating a strong temporary bond.

So they get married, and settle down, maybe even (heaven forbid) have kids. But the clock is ticking because those heavy chemicals that flooded their brains when they were falling in love have worn off and their fundamental incompatibility shines through.

But they don’t want to face it. Neither of them wants to admit they made a huge, huge mistake. So the relationship goes on for a while, coasting on its own momentum.

Eventually. the wheels come off the bus entirely and they enter the unholy hell phase of their dying relationship. where they hate each other’s guts and fight all the time and basically the only thing holding the marriage together is spite. Neither of them wants to let the other one “win”. And fighting with one another, as horrible as it is, is pretty much the only form of intimacy they have left.

Then comes the divorce, and things, unbelievable. get even worse.

It is a story that plays itself out for millions of people all over the world. regardless of cultural tradition or religion. and it’s a tragedy that could have been avoided entirely if only the two people knew themselves well enough to see it coming.

Of course, there are lots of other scenarios like this. Society is, on one level. a series of interconnected promises, and they are all based on incomplete self-knowledge.

Like the politician who promises big changes then gets into office and ends up being just another lapdog of the rich, or worse.

They too mean what they say when they make those promises. From the outside, reform seems like the simplest thing possible.

But then they get into office and the job is more complicated and difficult and draining and boring than they anticipated and the system makes sure to keep them busy with official functions and other things designed to inflate their sense of status so that they don’t identify with the folks back home any more. and the reforms they were elected to perform get lost in the shuffle, until one day they realize they have not even thought about changing anything in a very long time.

Why would they change a system that is treating them so well?

And so forth and so on. All throughout society. people make sincere promises that. if they only knew themselves a little better. they would know that they can’t keep/

And I have no idea how to fix it.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow/.