Which is not nearly as fun as getting beach head.
I have a few minutes, so I figured I would get a few words of blogging in. I was waaaay too sleepy earlier and so I have not blogged at all, and I am about to head out to do that crazy ol Paragon thang, so anything I can do to reduce the wordcount facing me when I get home is a Good Thing.
74 words already! Yay me.
See, I usually don’t get back from Paragon until around 10:30 pm to 11 pm, and if I have not yet blogged, that gives me 60 to 90 minutes to blog 1000 words.
And I can do it. That’s not an issue. I have done the whole thing in 45 minutes. It was a little more stream of consciousness than usual,. but that’s no biggie.
In fact, some of my best writing comes when I write so fast that there is no time for me to think about what I am going to say next and so everything just flows.
Maybe I should do that on purposes in the future. Give myself little time trials…. 500 words in 30 minutes, or such. Lower the amount of time till I hit the optimum “in the zone” speed where I am writing at the same speed at which I think.
If that is even possible.
I mean, I think pretty fast. And deep. So I doubt I could ever translate the full depth and volume of all my thoughts into words at the speed at which they occur.
But if I could just get the words out at the same rate at which they accrue, I could at least break even and get some fucking peace in the chaotic newsroom from Hell that is my conscious mind.
Which remind me, I meant to get this written down : All my life, or at least ever since I first went to school, I have had these moments where my mind revs up too fast and my thoughts start to scatter and disintegrate as the anxiety starts to kick in.
And for almost that long, I have been able to handle this simply by grabbing hold of myself and telling myself to stop, slow down, and do the next thing slowly and carefully and step by step.
And, you know…. doing that.
And it works. I detach from the moment and slow myself down and slowly and deliberately do the next whatever, often saying each step to myself in my head
Like “OK…. now click refresh…. right… now check for new messages… ” or somesuch.
And I suppose this does not happen to most people. I consider it to be a danger of my high revving high perforance brain. Sometimes parts of it go out of sync.
But recently, it occrred to me to A) document this phenonmenon as a way of expressing who I am, but more importantly. B) wonder what would happen if I could not do it.
Something pretty bad, I assume. Something crazy. Something…. neurological.
Because the small amount of it I experience before I cut it off is pretty scary, actually. It’s a hard thing to put into words. It’s like suddenly there’s no road under my wheels.
Hmmm. It’s a lot like those moments when my mind spontaneously dumps its short term memory and I have to reconstruct everything.
I get the feeling that those two phenomena are two of a kind.
Well you have to expect that a brain like mine is going to have some peculiarities. Even some issues unique to high powered mentation. The cognitive structures we culturally inherit work great for most people.
But like it says on the T-shirt I swear I will one day design, I ain’t most people.
Welp,. time to go.
Oh…. and I just wrote 640 words in 20 mins.
Because I am AWESOME.
Back again for the other 360.
Been pondering what I will call the Turtle’s Dilemma.
See, the turtle can always escape. If things get too stressful orscary or just plain too damned complicated for it, it can literally withdraw into itself and hide in its shell.
And that’s fine…. if it’s the sort of problem that goes away by itself, like a predator who gets bored and goes in pusuit of less reclusive prey.
But this is a modern turtle and he lives in the modern world and outright predators are a thing of the past. And there an awful lot of problems – like, say, rent – which not only do not go away by themselves but get much worse over time.
The turtle, sadly, is still sticking to his turtle-y ways, and continues to react to everything by zipping back into his shell. It has gotten so bad, in fact, that he is in his shell most of the time, and when he does have to deal with the big scary world out there, he only extends himself just barely enough to get the absolute minimm done, then zip!, he is back in his shell again.
If only our terrapin friend understood that the only way he will ever get out of his shell and be able to walk around in the sun like he used to do all the time is if he extends himself from his shell all the way and deals with the problems that plague him instead of fleeing from them all the time.
Hmmm. There’s a pretty good children’s book in there.
It would be especially good for the timid and/or anxious child.
Of course, it would have to end with our little friend – let’s called him Ted – learning not to zip into his shell all the time, and to stay out and deal with things instead.
Possibly with the help of a nonthreatening mentor character. An older turtle, maybe.
You know, I really am a magical creature. I sit at the keys and write and I never know what the heck is going to come out.
Hmmm. There could be another kid’s book about a magic toy box that has a new toy in it every day…..but sometimes, the toys are dark and scary.
I wonder if this is how Doctor Seuss started.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow,.