Gah, do I ever not feel like taking the bus to get to therapy today.
In fact, I strongly intuit that I will be taking a cab I can ill afford.
Oh well. If it comes to that, I got $413 saved up on my reloadable VISA, and what are savings for if not unexpected expenses?
Even if said expenses are, technically speaking, optional.
At least this once, Joe will be picking me up after, so I don’t “have to” pay for a taxi home, or take the bus home.
Actually, it appears that Joe stayed home sick today. So I might get a ride each way after all. Glee!
Of course, as has become traditional, I must now tell you how crappy I feel. This is what comes of my schedule (and Joe’s) shifting in such a way that I end up doing the first half of my blogging with lunch, and therefore when I am fairly recently awoken.
And yes, I know that the first meal after waking is, to some narrow minded folk, technically breakfast, but I go by time of day, not context.
Hence my tendency to eat “breakfast” at 6 am, then go to bed.
What can I say, I am a nocturnal beast.
So yeah, I feel pretty crappy right now. The usual. Dizzy, drained, discombobulated.
And me without my recombobulator. Typical.
Right now it kind of feels like I am underwater. Every move I make gives me a wave of mild surface tingles on the skin of whatever part moved.
It would almost be kind of pleasant if it wasn’t the result of smothering in my sleep.
Right now, all I want to do is crawl back into bed and hibernate. I do not feel ready to face the day on any level and, quite frankly, wish the day would fuck off and die.
My therapy session isn’t until 3 pm, so I suppose I could get in a little naptime before then, seeing as it’s only 11:37 am right now.
One annoying problem : ever since my tablet died (RIP), I don’t have an alarm clock any more. I used its alarm program as my alarm clock and very much appreciated being able to take a nap when I wanted to even when I had something on because I knew I could trust the alarm to wake me in time.
Without that program, every nap is a gamble. Maybe I wake up in time, maybe not. And I am not normally the sort to take that kind of risk.
But I do need my sleep. So, maybe.
Then there’s Paragon tonight. I don’t know if I will make it. I feel very “out of spoons” right now. Been going out more than usual.
Plus I have been getting the sulphur burps all morning, and that usually means I am going to be sick some time soon.
So I have that to look forward to. Yay.
Oh well, Perhaps my prospects will seem brighter after I get a little more sleep.
Ever feel like life got too damned complicated while you weren’t looking?
I have totally figured out meditation.
It’s simple : what meditation does is clean your working memory of everything you don’t need in order to give your subconscious mind the maximum possible share of your mental resources so it can process all the stuff that can’t be processed any other way.
Some things require the activated state of the conscious mind to truly process, Problem is, the conscious mind is always too busy with this, that, and the other to process said things. So said things remain unprocessed.
Enter meditation. By stilling the nattering of our “monkey minds”, we free up our mental resources for doing the really deep emotional and cognitive work we need so badly and yet never get around to doing.
Am I repeating myself?
Along the way, people also learn to consciously influence their own emotional and/or chemical state. That is extremely valuable in and of itself. Learning to calm yourself is the best stress-beater ever.
And that’s where most of the health benefits come from, I think. The deep processing is great psychologically and cognitively, but it’s the stress reduction that keeps your body healthy by lowering your background adrenaline levels.
So, there you have it. Now you know how meditation works!
Aren’t you glad you read this site today?
And remember, all the stuff about shakras and meridian lines and celestial harmony and so on is just horseshit for people who don’t know the difference between a metaphorical truth or a literal truth.
And that’s the real goddamned truth, everybody.,
And now it’s 10:16 pm and all is well.
For certain values of “well” anyhow. The physical kind, not so much. I am definitely coming down with something,. dammit.
My throat is sore and scratchy, as are my lungs, and I have a little of that “malaise” feeling that always comes with infectious illness with me.
Right now, it’s quite minor. More of a warning than an illness. But you can bet your buttons that I am going to keep a close eye on it.
After all, I spent ten days in the hospital earliest this year for a case of pneumonia that started off as a minor illness like this one.
And as it was, I barely made it to the hospital in time. I thank my lucky stars that on that day, I listened to the voice in my head that said something was very very wrong.
That’s what prompted me to think over my symptoms and come to the conclusion that they were not normal and were, in fact, pretty scary, so it was time to go to the ER.
I would prefer never to have to go through all that again, of course.
Especially now, because I wouldn’t even have my tablet to entertain me.
And books and crossword puzzles can only get you so far, ya know?
Guess I better stay healthy then.
At least until I get a new tablet.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.