To all my fellow creators :
Always remember that the one true purpose for all bad art you see succeeding in the world is to encourage you in your own endeavours by prompting you to say, “Well I can sure as hell do better than THAT.
Just posted that to Facebook. Hope folks like it.
Still have not heard from the ultrasound people and it’s 2:30 pm. Hope i didn’t get lost in the shuffle. Technically, I should be at the hospital getting my IV antibiotics right about now, but I don’t want to miss the call.
Ironic, ain’t it.
Today, I have gone to therapy, then I got Joe to drop me off at the 7-11 a few blocks from the apartment, did some shopping there, and walked home.
This was both to compensate for the fact that Joe starts work at 2:30 pm this summer and therefore can’t take me to 7-11 after therapy (not enough time) and a small experiment in giving myself a small bit of exercise, fresh air, and sunshine in order to potentially boost my mood.
My mood could use a little boosting, to be honest. All the medical shit is depressing. That’s why I bought myself some sugar free ice cream at 7-11.
Ice cream is like the opposite of depression.
Also the opposite of depression : encountering a totes adorbs fat little black/dark grey bunny wabbit on the way home.
For those of you who don’t know, the city I live in, Richmond, is on an island rather adorably named Lulu Island.
At some point, someone’s pet bunnies got loose here, and as there are no bunny eating predators on Lulu island, they did what bunnies do best and multiplied.
So now we have loads of fat little bunny wabbits hopping around on people’s lawns and nibbling on their roses and raiding their gardens.
I love telling that story. Can you tell? It makes Richmond magical to me.
The one I saw today was just sitting there casually on the sidewalk, thinking lapine thoughts. The bunnies here have the same attitude as city pigeons – they will run off if you get close enough, but they are kind of lazy and apathetic about it.
He (or she, it’s not like I got THAT good a look) hopped away when I was like three feet away. Such a cutie!
So yeah. That boosted my mood too. Yay cute little fuzzy critters!
I am prettty annoyed about this ultrasound BS though. Like I said yesterday, I hate this kind of uncertain waiting, and the longer it goes on, the worse my nerves get.
I just want to be done with it already.
Well if I don’t hear from them before 5 pm, I am going to go in for my IV antibiotics at the usual time tomorrow and find out what’s up.
They got an hour and a half left. I kind of want to take a nap now but I dare not.
I sure as hell hope they don’t call and say “COME RIGHT NOW!”
I hate that shit.
Still no fucking word from the ultrasound peoiple, and it’s 7:54 pm, so I kind of think it’s just not going to happen today.
Which means I am going in tomorrow. Get my IV antibiotics and inquire as to WTF is going on with my case.
I am glad I don’t have the kind of assertiveness issues that keeps me from speaking up for myself in all situations. I have no problem doing it if I am actually mad.
And I am willing to make as big a scene as I need to in order to make sure I am not neglected, forgotten, or ignored.
Trust me on that one.
That’s when my usually (far too) heavily suppressed firey, combative side comes in real handy. Feels good to know that I can kick ass verbally if it’s warranted.
That doesn’t necessarily mean getting mad on the outside. In fact, I always start off super sweet and gentle and reasonable and 99 percent of the time, that works like a charm and everything is cool.
You really do catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
But then again, who the fuck wants flies?
No, for the most part, I am my father’s padawan in the art of getting your way by being polite, reasonable, and firm.
But I think that works best if, somewhere deep inside, their lies the possibility of you being a lot less nice and reasonable and such.
Otherwise, there will be some who see my shy and gentle nature as meaning they can walk all over me and without the presence of what I have been thinking of as “the dark side of the Fru”, they would be right.
Speaking of people who walk all over me, I talked to my therapist today about my problems asserting myself with doctors.
And he said the necessary things, like that the doctor’s office is one of the most important places to assert yourself (yup), and that I should make a list of things I want to talk about before I go in (have done in the past, worked great).
But I know the issues go deeper. One thing that only occurred to me now is that it’s also a boundaries issue.
I sometimes have trouble telling where my emotions end and other people’s emotions begin. It’s one of the perils of being an empath.And the easiest thing for me is to let what they want override my own needs and desires.
And what they want, of course, is to get me in and out of the office ASAP.
It’s like I am a very frustrated chameleon.
So the real solution has to involve my shoring up my own limits before I go in. Resolve to stick to my agenda and to hell with his.
This might involve stepping on his toes (metaphorically) till I am sure I have his full and undivided attention and he is listening to me.
And that will be hard because he’s a sweet guy and I am pretty sure he has no idea what he has been doing to me.
But I have to look out for number one, as hard as that can be for me.
It’s all part of the process of finally growing up and becoming a real live person.
And that always sucks.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.