Having a super, super sleepy day.
And hating it, natch. It seems like no matter how much I sleep, I stay sleepy. Like I am just plain accomplishing nothing with all my napping, and yet I don’t have a choice either. I am too tired to stay awake.
I suppose I am catching up on REMs or somesuch. That would be the prudent and sensible explanation. Between sleep apnea and depression I have more than enough reason to have sleep difficulties and this is probably just a matter of sleep debt coming due and deamnding I at least pay the interest charges.
But it feels different, somehow. Yesterday afternoon, not long after I got home from wound care, I felt very very weal. Like I was being sucked towards the ground. Like even just standing up seemed burdensome and insane.
It went away after a nap, but it was pretty scary. And now I am having this day where I sleep for hours and hours without getting any less sleepy.
I mean, it’s 7:20 pm, I have slept all day, and yet I am fighting sleep just to type these simple words to you wonderful people. I only have to stop typing for half a second and I start to fall asleep.
This is verging on narcolepsy.
And like I always end up saying, I wish I could be all cool and calm and Zen about it. I wish I could just accept that this is what my body needs and take it as a chance to becalm myself and enjoy the relaxation.
But I can’t. I want to be awake, dammit. I want to be awake and aware and doing things, not sleeping all goddamned day. I want to live the sad little life I have, not sleep through it like I am fucking hibernating.
Or estivating. Whatever.
And so I fight it and resent it and grumble about it on my blog.
As is, I am starting to worry that I won’t be awake to receive the Indian food I ordered. Skip the Dishes says it will be here in 47 minutes, and that seems very far away at the moment. Like a season away.
Oh well, I will keep myself away somehow. Maybe I will do something radical and start in on my Diet Coke before my meal.
Trust me, in my predictable life, that is pure outside the box madness.
What’s next, eating between meals??
One thing I should do is just get up and move around some. It’s easy to be sleepy when you’re basically being a barnacle on the hull of the ship of life.
Moving around a bit might wake me up enouigh to make this whole dealie easier.
Being super hungry will help too. Maybe too hungry – I will have to see how I feel after I have eaten my lamb rogan josh.
If I am still crazy hungry, I will know that I need to inject some insulin so that the glucose in my blood ends up feeding my cells instead of just circulating and damaging my organs and blood vessels and such.
I’mma gonna take a break to get dressed and play some video games and chill.
I’ll be back after the break.
I am now full of curry and rice and a banana. And yup, still hungry. Insulin time.
I think I am getting closer to being able to just pick a glucometer and order it without worrying about if it’s the “right” one.
After all, as long as it performs the basic task, it’s good enough, and it’s not like there’s a lot of possibility for bells and whistles anyhow.
Especially since “alternate site testing” – in order words, being able to get blood from someplace OTHER than the densest nerve clusters in the human body – seems to have disappeared off the face of the Earth.
And I don’t know why. If I could still get the blood from my arms or thighs, my compliance level would skyrocket. Having to lance my fucking fingertips is the exact issue that made me stop testing in the first place.
And I am not happy about having to go back to that either. Makes me wish once against that the new blood-free system was not so goddamned expensive.
I could buy the meter. But the sensors come to like $150-$300/month.
Which is bullshit, by the way. No need for them to be disposable like that. Except, of course, that they can gouge more money out of us disabled people that way.
Maybe I should put up a GoFundMe for it. That would be hilarious, a Canadian looking for help with medical expenses. How scandalous!
I can’t quite call it a necessary medical expense. The other meters work fine. I could get the same results without it.
But I can make the argument that it will improve my outcomes because I will not have to force myself to do a horribly painful thing in order to get a damned result.
In fact the new system produces a result once a minute, and saves all that data so you can download it to an app and, presumably, play around with it some.
I love playing around with data.
Oh well, I am sure that any day now, I will suddenly snap out of my funk and leap onto UpWork and start earning the big bucks as a freelance writer.
Yeah, and monkeys might fly out of my butt.
Sleep is calling for me again. Son of a bitch, it never ends, not even when I have a liter of Diet Coke in me.
All that does is make me more sharply aware of how tired I am.
Hopefully I will catch up on sleep at some point and this will be behind me for a while.
For the record, the insulin has made me feel a lot better. That psychotic hunger that means I am out of whack is almost totally gone.
Now to once more sleep the sleep of the dead.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.