The technology-wrecking kind, not the kind that die in a microwave in a way that traumatizes you for life when you’re 8.
Right now, I am typing these words into a text document because the gremlins have taken my internet away. It’s been a little spotty lately, especially when it comes to the connect ion to the DNS, so I am not entirely surprised, but it’s still a serious pain in the ass.
Especially after struggling with Fallout New Vegas crashing all the time as I try to play through that New California mods I have mentioned before.
Everything was fine until this big huge battle with Vertibirds (futuristic helicopters) flying through the air and mortar fire exploding everywhere and both enemy and friendly soldiers by the score and bullets settling the score and all kinds of things that flash and smash that my my poor old computer crash.
The previous paragraph was brought to you by Doctor Seuss.
The thing is, my computer should be able to handle it fine. Fallout New Vegas is a very old game and my computer is still relatively young, so it should have no problem handling whatever the game dishes out without a hitch.
But when mods enter the equation, all bets are off. All the official content is designed to be playable on as many computers as possible, but mods are another kettle of fish entirely.
I might have to resort to uninstalling all my mods, then adding in just the ones I can’t live without along with New California, and see how that works out.
But I have to admit, as much as I am enjoying the content, I have been sorely tempted to just chuck the whole thing and start a second run-through of the original game instead.
I mean, I don’t need this kind of stress.
The plot continues to be intense, but this time I managed to avoid being captured by a bandit warlord and thrown down into a deep dark pit to fight two incredibly tough enemies just to prove my worth.
I did this by making sure all my friends from the Vault made it with me to the cabin, and therefore they were on hold to kill the fuck out of sub-boss that would have taken me to the bandit leader.
He was killed by my robot dog. Did I mention I have a robot dog? I have a robot dog.
Overall. The nerd path has been a lot more fun than the jock path. Being able to hack computers and fix things has been a hoot.
I mean, it got me a robot dog. Did I mention I have a robot dog? I have a robot dog.
And the thing is, I am still deadly as fudge with melee weapons. I can take an enemy soldier out with two quick stabs of my combat knife. Taking the nerd path in no way kept me from making the melee warrior I wanted to make.
It just added the ability to hack and fix and make stuff.
Plus I have a robot dog.
Did I mention the robot dog?
More after the break.
Got a few minutes before The Next Thing.
I hope we end up going to Subway. I am craving it. I want something with a lot of meat and vegetables, and Subway does that kind of thing very well.
So does Chinese food,. but we rarely do Chinese.
If we hustled, we could probably go to the quite excellent food court at Richmond Center. I can sure as heck get Chinese there. In many different forms.
I wouldn’t say no to a burger but it’s not what I am in the mood for. McD’s or Wendy’s would be decent.
Right now, at this second, I would prefer McD’s. A Big Mac is calling my name.
Gee, I’ve been chatty lately. Where did all my deep dives into my depression and wide ranging philosophical meanderings go?
I think they went on vacation. They will be back eventually. But I need a holiday from all that stuff. I need time to surf the surface for a while.
I can’t spend all my time swimming in my own navel.
And these posts serve a valuable function too, because they mean I am taking my own life seriously and fighting against the feeling that I “do nothing”: all day and that nothing I do matter and everything is pointless.
That’s the depression talking, and by telling you wonderful people about my video game life, I am validating my own experiences and thereby making them more real.
And to be honest, I need all the reality I can get. I spend most of my waking hours in front of this damn computer of mine, playing games. No wonder I have such a desperately tenuous connection to reality.
I barely spend any time there. And that’s not a coincidence. I can’t handle reality.
Or maybe I could, if I gave myself the chance. One of the deadliest aspects of depression is that it locks you into beliefs that keep you from testing whether or not they are even true.
Like “I can’t handle reality”. Well, when was the last time I tried? It’s such an enormous, life-destroying generalization that it surely warrants further testing.
But if you believe it, you won’t test it. It’s a sure sign that it’s nothing based on reason or logic. If it was, it would be true regardless of testing. Testing could not harm it.
But the real sick truth is that depression makes you want it to be true. Because that’s easier than having to actually face reality ever.
Not better. Just easier.
In fact, a lot of depression is simply about avoiding reality. Burying your head in the sand and convincing yourself you are doing it because there’s nothing good in reality, as opposed to admitting that there’s tons of good in reality and you are just too scared to go out into the world and suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune to get it.
See, I told you it would all be back before long!
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.