So, Christmas happened.
Had a lovely evening with Joe’s family. Ate a lot of things I should not eat, but what the hell, Xmas day is my one day off from worrying about my diabetes so I took advantage.
Ended up feeling sick from it, but I knew that would happen.
I went into it with my eyes open.
Right now, I am feeling fairly sleepy. And I have already slept a lot. So it seems like this is going to be one of my sleepy days.
Oh well. It’s not like I am ever a juggernaut of productivity anyway. So I will end up not playing a lot of Fallout 4.
Nothing of value will be lost.
Hell, at least when I am asleep, I am getting something done.
Gifts : Mom gave me $50, which I really need because it’s one of those thrice damned five week months.
I mean, I would have been okay even without it because January is a GST cheque month, but still, it’s good to have the added security.
Anne got me a $75 Amazon gift card, which I have already invested into a very nice microphone for my computer so I can try getting into podcasting.
Not sure what form a podcast via me would take. Probably something philosophical.
Catherine got me a Starbucks gifts card. Le sigh. Like I ever go to Starbucks. Most of what they serve has sugar in it, for crying out loud.
Maybe I will go in for a smoothie some day.
You already know about Joe, Julian, and Felicity getting me a $50 Steam gift card and me getting Disco Elysium and not liking it and returning it.
Well, the refund went through so I have $50 to invest in a new game again. Back to square one and all that.
Pondering a game called Greedfall right now. Seems like my cuppa.
My brother Dave got me a cute coffee mug that says “Oh, for (adorbs picture of a fox) sake!”. In other words, “Oh, for fox sake!”.
Say it out loud if you do not get the joke.
Oy, the words, they do not come easy right now. Want to sleeeeeeep.
As for gift output, I got/will get Felicity a full box set of an 80’s cartoon called The Adventures Of The Galaxy Rangers.
I had never even heard of the show before I met her,and it’s quite good. Pretty deep science fiction for a kid’s show.
I got Joe a whack of MP3’s, and Julian is getting a wallet.
I also might get Red Dead Redemption 2, but if so, that will have to wait until I get my refund from Sav On Foods for the grocery order I canceled.
I have never been into Westerns as a movie or TV genre, but I find I enjoy being a cowboy in video games a lot more than I do watching them.
Plus, it has crazy good reviews. 93 percent on Metacritic. So there’s that.
And with that, I am out of words. Time to go back to sleep.
More after the break.
Further on RDR2 :
Weirdly, the reviews on Steam aren’t nearly as good. Dunno what to make of that.
Anyhow, on with the whatever.
On the fading away
Still pretty sleepy, despite having slept a whole lot today.
But I am doing my best to keep sleepiness from becoming depression. So I am sleepy. So I am sleeping a lot.
Big deal. It’s not like this is going to last forever. Eventually, I will catch up with my sleep debt and be able to go on with life feeling refreshed and alert.
I just have a whole lot of sleeping to do first.
I am so glad I found my mirtazapine. It is a way, way better sleep aid for me than the zopiclone I have been taking while looking for the mirtazapine.
Zopiclone gets the job done – it keeps me asleep so I can get some decent REM time instead of having my mind steadily become shallower as my medium term memory fills up and starts taking up more room in my working memory.
Brain science is so much fun.
But zopiclone, like trazadone, has a tendency to leave me groggy and disoriented and all my other “bad sleep” stuff when I wake up, and that really bums me out, dude.
And the sleep I get from those two drugs is better than no sleep at all, but still not of very good quality.
Not so with mirtazapine. I get actual good sleep from it. The kind where, miracle of miracles, I actually feel better upon waking than I did before I slept.
I’m used to sleep generally leaving me worse off in the short term.
So at least all this sleeping is actually getting me somewhere. I am still pretty sleepy, but not nearly as sleepy as I was when I wrote the first half of this blog entry.
I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I am fairly certain it’s not a frontal lobe seizure causing me to hallucinate.
Although if it was, I would at least find out what kind of religious vision a total hardcore rational materialist like me would have.
And would it turn me into some form of transcendentalist? It’s not impossible. The frontal lobe contains the part of the brain that tells us what is objectively real (extracranial) and what is happening only in our minds (intracranial) and hence those religious visions often feel “realer than real” .
No wonder people conclude that they have glimpsed a higher order of reality. How could they conclude anything else? It felt so real!
I suspect that if I had an experience like that, it would take the form of communion with some kind of angelic alien – a morally perfect being, by my standards. A being of pure compassion and understanding and love.
That would be sufficiently moving and meaningful to me to encompass the experience without requiring me to believe in anything too offensive to my rationality.
After all, morally perfect aliens might exist out there somewhere. Or even something far greater that we, with our limited minds and feeble souls, can only comprehend as a morally perfect alien being.
I mean, ya never know.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.