Right now, I feel like a spaceship being slowly but inexorably toward the event horizon of an all-devouring black hole.
And I am tempted to point my ship at the center of the thing and press the pedal to the metal so I can get this over with already.
The problem is I am sleepy. Dunno why. It kind of came out of nowhere. I was happily playing Neverwinter Nights (just got back into it) when all of a sudden, a welter of sleepiness rose up from the floor of my consciousness and engulfed.
So right now, I am feeling that particular kind of grumpiness that I get when something is forcing me to be awake when I want to sleep.
In this case, that thing is my need to eat. And blog.
Trying to make a doctor’s appointment on account of this rash on my back. It seems to have spread to cover the entire upper half of my back now.
The itching is annoying but scratching it feels amazingly good. Almost makes it worth it.
Basically, my skin is a nightmare. Lesions, some quite large. Big boil on my neck. A rash all over my back.
It’s a wonder I have an inch of healthy flesh left on me. But give it time, give it time.
The reason is diabetes, I assume. Either primarily or secondarily. Having blood the consistency of tar from high bklood sugar has a tendency to hurt you.
Still haven’t gotten myself a god damned blood sugar meter, aka a glucometer. I at least know that I should ask my pharmacist about it. But that would still involve generating the will and initiative to get dressed and leave the apartment and walk the block to my pharmacy and ask the dude about it.
Maybe sometime soon, but definitely not right now.
I should probably be taking some insulin now and then just on spec, as it were. Assume my blood sugar is high and react accordingly. Kind of taking a shot in the dark.
So to speak
My doctor’s office isn’t answering the phone. I think they’re out to lunch.
I also think they’re getting food somewhere.
Have made a start on finally doing my taxes this year. Starting is always the hardest part. Once I get going, I breeze through without a fuss.
Got to get that sweet $75 they use to bribe ius poor folk to do out taxes wending its way to me to help with this upcoming month’s expenses.
See, I know that next month is a GST cheque month. So my prediction is that it will also be a five week month.
Otherwise, us poor folk might actually get ahead, and we can’t have that.
Actually, I just check it with my date calculator thingy and nope, just the four months.
Hmmm. I am suspicious but open to the possibility.
Wonder what I will buy myself. Probably a AAA video game like Borderlands 3.
What the hell, go with what you know. It’s not like any of the times I thought buying something would magically make me able to be productive, it worked.
So might as well keep myself entertained.
I’m very good at keeping myself entertained.
More after the break.
Personality At One Hundred Percent
I have this sort of scenario in my mind – a kind of (non-erotic) fantasy of mine.
Let’s call it the Imaginary Audition.
And in it. I am auditioning for something or other (doesn’t matter what). And I go into it with my personality on blast mode. Turned up to eleven. Shining at one hundred percent intensity, come what may.
Because honestly, if I am going to go to the trouble of auditioning, I am going to go big. Fuck caution and restraint. They are not my strong suits and I would not get very far that way as a result.
And honestly, I can’t imagine a role I would want bad enough to be strategic about this shit. Fuck it. I succeed on my own terms or not at all.
And that’s one of the things that made me want to write this all down. I realized that I value being fully myself more than a lot of other things.
Success is one of those things.
Anyhow, so I am in the audition, and first I crack some jokes in my inimitable cute, funny, and outrageous style. Maybe these are jokes I have written beforehand but probably not. I am better off improvising.
Then, I do my piece. I do the lines I was given, of course, but if a monologue is required, heck, I might improv that too.
I think it’s high time that I started leaping into things with both feet and counting on all my amazing abilities to see me through, don’t you?
Better to be a glorious failure than a mediocre success, in my books.
If a song was required, I know exactly which one I would do.
This one right here :
It filled a lot of people with the urge to defecate. In that it scared the shit out of them.
God, I love it so.
I chose that piece because I know it back to front and back again, and it would show off my versatility because I would, of course, be singing all the parts.
And it’s the sort of thing where there is no such thing as over the top, which would suit my rather high intensity talents.
I could do subtle, nuanced. deeply informed acting. But I wouldn’t enjoy it as much.
I have even written a bit of doggerel to finish off my cavalcade of calamity.
Maybe you want to hug me
Or maybe dismember me
But while you may not hire me
You WILL remember me.
Peace out y’all!
And then I exit to thunderous, riotous applause from everybody, even my rival actors.
Well, I did say this was a fantasy, didn’t I?
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.
Addendum : Proud of myself because I made a doctor’s appointment, did my taxes, and finally got my boil to drain today.
Just wanted to write that down for future historians.