Remember what causes me to stop taking my sleepy pill right now.
Because I am all sleepy and groggy right now and it’s very annoying.
Then again, that happens sometimes when I am not taking my nightnight pill. so I really should put the blame on my Mirtazapine.
Makes it hard to think of things to write, though.
Maybe I will make a video today. Maybe not. Depends on how I feel when I wake up after i go black to sleep.
Wish I was asleep right now. This forcing my mind to focus is very taxing.
Soon. Soon I shall regain my slumber.
I dunno. Maybe I will just go back to sleep once I am done eating and taking my meds. Resume doing this segment when I am more awake.
Then again, the Diet Coke is kicking in, so maybe I will hang in there after all.
But what the fuck do I write about?
Enjoying playing Assassin’s Creed : Unity lately. Great game. Good enough that it has turned me back into a one game at a time gamer after a few months of having a bunch of games on the go.
This means I haven’t played other things like Doom Eternal and F.E.A.R. in a while. Dunno if I will go back to them any time soon.
Great games, both of them, but I have a new bright shiny object now. And patient readers know that when I stop doing something, I always never start up again.
Still, such things can be overcome via a sufficient application of will. Might be an interesting experience. My stupid compulsions can’t rule ALL the time.
I hate those fucking things.
And yet, I also cling to them because they keep me from having to make decisions. Just do what the compulsions say. And they are the closest thing I have to motivation.
Motivation is bullshit anyway. All it means is “wanting to do something” and life is too short to wait for this nebulous mental force to arise.
Compulsion makes a poor substitute. It’s too erratic and uncomfortable and tends to drag you off unwillingly.;
Better to decide what you want to do then do it, whether you feel like it or not. That, as far as I can tell, is what being an adult is all about.
I think I will go back to bed now, 90 words or so early, as I am fading fast.
More after the break.
On deciding to do it
OK, time to commit : I will make and publish a video tomorrow.
In fact, it is becoming clear to me that I can’t operate without some kind of schedule. The paroxysms of indecision I go through trying to decide whether to make a video make it impossible for me to produce if things are too open-ended.
So I am toying with the idea of putting out a new video on Saturdays and Wednesdays. Those are both days where I have nothing going on all day and all night, so they make great days to really get down into the guts of video making and all that details.
I am not quite ready to commit to that yet, but it seems like that I will.
But I want to make one thing abundantly clear, both to you wonderful people and especially myself : Two shows a week is a minimum, NOT a maximum!
If I want to make videos on other days, that’s fine too. Never shall I use the fact that it’s not the right day as an excuse to not make whatever video I feel like making.
This bar does not close.
In fact, what I am hoping to do is develop my techniques and discipline to the point where I can make a video about whatever is in my head whenever I feel like it.
My inner monologue is highly didactic. I am quite often explaining some idea of mine to an imaginary inner audience. If I handle it right, I might just be able to translate that directly into high quality video content.
Kind of like a Ted talk. A Fru talk, if you will.
I am so happy that video essays are popular now. In fact, people specifically want deep dives into complex subjects that go into great detail and that examine issues thoroughly and from all relevant angles.
I can totally do that. In fact, a lot of my videos from Way Back are exactly that.
Relatedly, I have noticed that a lot of the YouTubers I like mention scripts now and then.
As in, they write a script before they make an episode.
And I am like, “What’s a script?”. LOL. I honestly cannot imagine writing a script for an episode before making it. Not only do I clearly not need to do so, I know damned well that if I wrote the script I would lose all interest in making the episode, so doing so would be worse than pointless.
That’s just me, though. I don’t think any less of other YouTube people for using a script. I know that some people could not operate any other way. They have to have worked out all the details and made the script as good as they possibly can before they could even contemplate actually shooting it.
That’s not how my mind works, but I am one very weird dude and very little of what I do or how I do it makes a conventional kind of sense.
What can I say, I march to the beat of an entirely different porcupine. I have my own way of doing things that makes sense to me and works for me and that is all that matters in the long run.
Genius is, after all, often misunderstood in its own time.
I’m only half kidding. Ish.
I know that if I can get my juices really flowing, I will produce a staggering amount of content because I have been stockpiling ideas and insights for decades and they are all still there in my head, waiting to be expressed.
And I produce more all the time,too. It’s as natural as breathing to me. So it’s not like I am worried I will run out.
I might just build me a pipeline from my brain to the world.
If so, watch the fuck out, world.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.