So I was Facing Book this morning when I came across an ad for some asshole’s book telling people how to live without God and religion, and I thought about it for a few moments, then this came spilling out :
It really says a lot about the fart-sniffing arrogance and autocoprophagous egotism of modern atheism that someone thought the world needed them to explain to them how to be an atheist right. You people are the reason that, despite my complete lack of religious upbringing, I refuse to publicly identify as an atheist or a skeptic any more, because quite frankly, you people are appalling. Just another group of stuck-up unholier-than-thou narrowminded hate-filled bigots who think they have found the one group it’s okay to hate and are clinging to said hate because it’s more precious than fissile material to beady-eyed sadists like you. You really want to transcend your narrow minded religious upbringing? Love one another. Love everybody. Love people who are absolutely nothing like you. Truly embrace difference by loving the churchgoer, the redneck, the hunter, and everyone else on “the other side”. True enlightenment has no side, no team, no religion, no nation, and no flag. Smarten up, or admit that you were never any better than “them” and they were right to see the world as an amoral competition between groups. Lift your goddamned head out of the mud and SEE.
me, on facebook, venting some shit apparently
I knew I had a lot of anger towards the Dawkins worshippers of the religiously intolerant atheist hate front, but I must admit that I was surprised at all that came out.
And all so eloquent, too. In my usual sloppy sort of way.
I hope for more of these Facebook ketchup bottle explosions of rage in the future. They are quite cathartic and therapeutic and in a weird way, fun.
Not fun in a normal way because I was super pissed off when I was writing it. And that’s the only way it’s going to go down because I am all about the sincerity and I am not going to pretend to be angry at something I am not purely for the lulz.
I feel nauseated even typing the concept.
But fun in the way that exercising a muscle can be fun when it’s a muscle like my writing muscle, which is swole AF.
And I feel like the above rant was a good first step towards my goal of using the power of my authorial and orator’s voice to decry the evils of the world and maybe do some good in the world, or at least get into interesting trouble.
I’ve always wanted to be a figure of controversy. An honest one, of course. One who is expressing his opinions in the most powerful and persuasive way he can.
And that just happens to mean “at a sky-shattering volume” in my case.
But the way I see it, pissing people off to the point of apoplexy is a necessary consequence of saying anything truly important. My kind of visionary rhetoric yanks away the moral blanket of cheap evasions people are hiding under and exposes their hypocrisy to themselves. It blasts away illusions and shows people the vitally important truths they have been ignoring. It comes at them from a totally unexpected ankle where they are extremely vulnerable and quite sensibly their first response will be to fight back against the smug motherfucker who just hurt them.
I know my intent is pure. I know that I am not looking to hurt people but to bring them closer to the truth and maybe even help them resolve some of the internal conflicts that are making them unhappy because deep down, something just isn’t making sense.
But I’d be a fool to ignore the clear historical fact that people don’t like people like me and even if I achieve the sort of cultural revolution I seek, it only takes one nutjob who never leaves that “I hate you for this pain” mode and it drive him to blow my frigging brain out at close range.
Don’t want it. But my destiny might demand it any way.
Is this the equator? Because that turned dark quick.
More after the break.
My missing ailments
Told you I’d probably forgotten some!
Like my IBS. Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Calericos Trepas.
I just call it “Grumpy Bum. ”
Admittedly, I have had it for so long that it’s background noise to me. I have trouble imagining it not being there, even thought I didn’t get it till I was ~22.
Basically my guts are always in motion. Bubbling. Gurgling. Swishing about. Sometimes, but not very often, issues develop, and three or four times a year, I have a Very Bad Time In The Bathroom.
That would make a killer name for a children’s book. It would be about a kid trying to do normal bathroom stuff but increasingly crazy obstacles get in his way.
Cue his mother saying “What’s taking you so long in there?”.
That could be a smash hit. I’m so goddamned brilliant that genius ideas just drip off me like perspiration on a hot day.
Anyhow, there is also my clogged pores. They cause me a lot of overheating and other strife and the cure is simple : shower every day.
Not gonna happen. Once more my dopamine deficit blocks my path.
Man, I am getting really sick of that shit.
And now, a confession
One last little thing about my recent bloody hospital stay.
I was quite disappointed to learn that I was not going to be admitted.
Also relieved, but that’s normal hence unworthy of discussion.
I can acknowledge this profound disappointment now that more than 24 hours has passed since my discharge. And it’s not really a surprise, though it is somewhat humiliating on a personal level.
Because part of me was really looking forward to having a nice bed someplace QUIET (the ER ain’t) and settling into my shameful oral-retentive groove in a place where I am surrounded by people looking after my needs and paying attention to me and caring about what happens to me and wanting me to get better and I can just relax and concentrate on being charming and cooperative just like the infant I am deep down.
Hence the humiliation.
I’ve always vehemently rejected this infantile side of myself, but now I am starting to think I should hold my nose and explore it because arrested development does not get better on its own.
I will try to bring it up tomorrow in therapy. Not going to be easy because I know my mind will fight me on this subject, but I have to try.
Got some serious emotional work to do.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.