I have not indulged my love of the cute fuzzy animals on this here blog in a while, and I came across some great animal pictures recently, so I figured, what the heck.

Throw open the Ark doors, pop the locks on all the cages in the Zoo, let all of God’s creatures wander free today, and let the animals come out to play.

First up, a personal favorite of mine, the red fox.

Everyone knows foxes are clever, elusive, and of course, downright adorable.

But did you know they are also heavily into Eastern religions, including meditation?

Here’s the proof :

Ommmmmmmmm..... arf. Ommmmmmmmm..... arf.

When reached for comment, a spokesfox, going only by the name “Mister Fox” (obviously an alias… elusive, remember?), said, in a soothing and rich yet accessible baritone, “We foxes, as a rule, find traditional Western religions too restrictive and oppressive. Only the ancient disciplines of Eastern religion offer the combination of freedom and spirituality that fits with a modern, urban fox’s busy and complex lifestyle. ”

“Mister Fox” then danced a happy, carefree, freeform dance in a small suburban supermarket that was closed for the night, while the credits rolled.

Next up, a picture taken candidly by one of our secret agents, who spent months under deep, deep cover to get us this tantalizing picture of an inter-animal conference in progress :

So this year, it's going to be potbellied pigs, but next year, the new hit pet will be.... are you ready for this?.... porcupines.

Our hearts go out to the friends and family of our brave photographer, who is recovering in a local pet grooming center after being nearly fatally fluffed in the line of duty.

Judging by the deep look of concentration on the dog’s face, we can safely assume that this is a conference of deep international significance and, had the audio recording not been interrupted by our brave journalist being apprehended by the tiny-little-jackbooted thus of the International Pet Conspiracy, no doubt we would know even more.

Still, remember : buy shares in porcupines. They are only pricks on the outside.

Our intrepid reporter was also able to take this picture, but I think from the expression of exaggerated innocence on one of the participants’ faces, it is clear they were only too aware that they were being photographed.

Still, here it is :

Kitten : Nothing weird happening here! Dog : I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL.

Just look at that menacing glower on the muzzle of the canine participant. Clearly, this cabal does not take kindly to the innocent intrusions of the forces of truth and accountability into their shadowy world of secret deals, international skullduggery, and Friskies-fueled sex orgies.

Or was it sex-fueled Friskies orgies? Either way. Scandalous!

You just have to take one look at that dog to know that he’s a Killer.

Or maybe a Rex, or a Prince, or possibly even a Fido, if he’s owned by a comic strip artist.

And just look at what they did to one of their numbers when he made the mistake of talking to the press, or as they call it, “barking out of turn” :

I don't know what's worse, the punishment, or the pun

Truly, we are dealing with savage, powerful individuals who will stop at nothing in order to protect their secret world of power, privilege, and Purina. Who knows what sinister actions they take under the cloak of secrecy?

Must be something pretty juicy for them to go to all that trouble, right?

And for the truly dirty work, the real black-ops bag-over-the-head wetworks kind of stuff, they have their elite team of super deadly agents who pack an unbelievable arsenal of high tech devices and master any number of bizarre and deadly skills :

Seen here : one of their deadlist assassins, fleeing the scene of another nefarious deed

So clearly, we are dealing with powerful forces when we stick our noses into the crotches of the great and powerful and take a hearty and informative sniff.

Still, we shall not be intimidated by their Gestapo tactics, nor tempted by their offers of free international travel and enormous wads of untraceable international currencies….

Wait, they are seriously offering that? Is the travel first class? CHARTERED? Hmmm….

Actually, never mind anything I just said. There is no international pet conspiracy and there never has been, and this article has been merely the product of a bored comedy writer inventing a ridiculously over the top context for a bunch of random cute animal photos he found on the Internet.

Now if you need me, I will be in Monte Carlo.