Friday Science Funkadelia, April 7, 2013

It’s SCIENCE TIME, kids! So boot up your tablets, stick your earphones in your ear holes, drink your Special Science Drink (With Extra Science), put your amazing Thinking Cap of Science on, and get ready for some of the coolest science news from the last week.

Everybody ready? Then LET’S GO!

First, let’s get this out of the way : scientists claim to have found evidence of other universes.

They did it by studying the cosmic background radiation that is commonly referred to as the last echoes of the Big Bang. They found circular areas in the texture (so to speak) of this radiation that they say are evidence of our universe having “collided” with others and left a “bruise”.

Color me very skeptical. To me, this is when astrophysics turns into metaphysics, and I am reluctant to accept such indirect evidence for such an extraordinary claim.

Isn’t one universe enough?

Much cooler : great news for the future of graphene.

Graphene is a substance consisting of a single layer of carbon atoms arranged in a lattice. It has the potential to be the strongest substance ever created, but only if it lacks defects.

Before now, the only way to get graphene was to pore over a graphite crystal to find areas of graphene and then peel them off. Not the sort of thing that scales up to industrial production levels.

But now, a team has worked some of the kinks out of another method called chemical vapor deposition (CVD), which basically stitches together smaller bits of graphene into a larger sheet.

The main kick was that the graphene was much weaker along the joins, rendering it basically useless. But now, a team has figured out that this damage to the structure was caused by the chemical used to peel the graphene off the substrate where it formed.

With a new chemical, graphene is back. The CVD graphene is just as strong as the flaked kind. How strong?

…so strong that, as Hone observed, “it would take an elephant, balanced on a pencil, to break through a sheet of graphene the thickness of Saran Wrap.”

So much for the nice clean physics portion. After this, it’s all organic!

First up, vat grown meat is a reality.

A Dutch team has created artificially grown hamburger for the first time in history. It’s not cheap… the project cost around $300K. But it could just open the door to a future where humans can eat all the meat they like, knowing that no animals died to produce it.

I’m quite keen on the idea. Not only is it a moral gain, but it could be a massive efficiency gain as well. Right now, raising animals for meat is one of the most inefficient ways to create food.

But in a vat-grown meat future, meat will be grown almost like any other crop, and people all over the world may then be able to afford it.

And that could change things for the bottom billion like nothing else that came before.

Next up, a unusual way to gauge brain health : by looking at your retinas.

The theory is that the width of the blood vessels in a patient’s retinas are a good indicator for how healthy the ones inside the brain are as well. Counterintuitively, the wider the blood vessels, the more likely it is that the brain behind those eyes is unwell.

Individuals who had wider retinal venules showed evidence of general cognitive deficits, with lower scores on numerous measures of neurospsychological functioning, including verbal comprehension, perceptual reasoning, working memory, and executive function.

I suppose the theory is that wide blood vessels would by less efficient at getting to every single cell in the brain, and thus drag the efficiency of the entire brain down.

So next time someone is looking deeply into your eyes, it might not be love.

They might just be trying to figure out if you’re retarded.

And the medical news just keeps coming : we are one step closer to a lab grown liver.

It is a crucial step. Basically, the problem has been getting liver cells to function in the lab. For some reason, the minute you take the liver cell out of the person, it loses all its functions, making it very hard to study said functions.

All that changed with a paper in the June 2 issue of Nature Chemical Biology that lists a dozen biochemical factors needed to keep those liver cells alive and functional outside the human body.

If this can be extended into getting the liver cells to grow in the lab, then we will be able to apply modern tissue engineering techniques to them and make a patient a brand new liver.

And that would effectively bring an end to liver disease as we know it.

Finally, great news for the hairless : scientists have figured out what signals the body uses to signal the regrowth of hair follicles on wounded skin.

The hope is that with this knowledge, we could come up with a way to encourage the regrowth of hair follicles more or less wherever we want them.

This would be great news for people with various skin conditions like alopecia, but we all know what this is really going to be used for.

Male pattern baldness! Otherwise known as androgenic alopecia.

And I think that is fabulous. I think that male pattern baldness is a cruel disease, one that effects not the victim’s health but their dignity. My father lost all his hair when he was college age, and my brother started balding young too.

Luckily, that particular gene missed me. (Instead I got my father’s weakness versus sunstroke. Fair dinkum. ) But I still want it cured in others.

Well, that is all for this week, science fans! Take off your Science Helmet, put your earphones and your tablet away, wash and recycle the bottle from your Science Drink, and go to bed.

And dream a few big Science Dreams for me!

SHORT STORY : At long last

Rudolph gasped as the door opened and light from the outer hallway split his darkened and wretched little room in two, freezing him in place with terror.

Sometimes knowing something is coming only makes it worse, Rudolph thought as he stared at the tiny little troll of a man who now stood in the doorway. But that’s probably just what that sawed off little kike wants.

The small man entered the room, gave its desperate squalor a disapproving and not entirely unsympathetic glance, then smiled. “Hello Rudy. Long time no see. ”

Rudolph tried to laugh, but all that came out was a strangled sob, more of a honk than a laugh. “Not long enough, old friend. ”

“Quite long enough for me, thank you. Maybe not for you. Or maybe… maybe too long for both of us, eh?”

Rudolph tried to summon up all the lofty Aryan contempt he had ever felt for this genetically defective little monster, but hate is a young man’s game and he was just a tired old man now. All Rudolph could manage was to sneer slightly when saying “I don’t want your fucking pity, you goddamned troll. ”

The little man’s face was a picture of offense. “Why Rudy, you don’t look happy to see me!”

This time Rudolph did laugh. “You people and your little fucking jokes. You think you are so goddamned intellectual and hilarious but you are nothing but monkeys taught a few clever tricks! You hear that? Just shit eating MONKEYS!”

And then Rudolph pushed his luck too far. He tried to laugh a rich, hearty, contemptuous laugh, but it soon become wracking, spasmodic sobs as all the fear and stress of a life lived on the run finally caught up with him.

The little man sat next to Rudolph on the bag of wires and splinters that constituted a “bed” in this hellhole, and put a sympathetic arm around Rudolph’s shoulders as Rudolph sobbed and coughed and spat and then sobbed still more.

Eventually, the storm passed, and Rudolph shivered in the aftereffects of his emotional release, and found himself absurdly grateful for the warmth of the little man’s arm on his back, and his closeness in this time of crisis.

Him, the great SS commander Rudolph Straeder, grateful to a Jew! He wished he could find the energy to heap contempt upon himself. But it had been so long, so long.

“I didn’t come here to argue, Rudy. You know why I am here. ” said the little man.

“To bring me to justice. ” Rudolph replied hollowly.

“To bring you home, Rudy. ”

Rudolph looked up at the little man. “Home… to Germany?”

The little man smiled. “Yes. To Germany. To the old Bavaria that we both knew and loved, Rudy. I have arranged for you to there to await your turn in The Hague. ”

Rudolph blinked and stared at the little man. “Why… why would you do this for me?”

“Consider it a gift from one old friend to another. I have known you longer than I have known any of my wives and most of my children, Rudy. It was the least I could do. ”

Rudolph was flooded with gratitude for this gesture. “Oh, to see Bavaria again…. but surely it has changed since the days of my… of our childhoods, hasn’t it David?”

David shrugged, and said “Not as much as you would think. Not everywhere. There is still much of Old Bavaria left, if you know where to look. ”

Rudolph tried to imagine this but could not. He had abandoned all hope of ever seeing Germany again so long ago that the rebirth of this hope was almost painful. It was too bright a light to look upon.

But then Rudolph began to weep. “But what comes after, old friend… I cannot face that. To have all those people looking at me, hating me, judging me for things done a million lifetimes ago… it is too much for a tired old man to bear. ”

“I know, Rudy. And believe me, I would spare you if I could. But we both knew this day had to happen, and there is much more at stake here than the wishes of two broken down old men. ”

Rudolph nodded sadly. “But…. you could spare me… couldn’t you? Just… just walk away?”

David shook his head. “We both know that could never happen. Justice must be serves, Besides, at this point, I think starting up the chase again would kill the both of us. ”

They both laughed. God it feels good to laugh again, thought Rudolph. It has been so long since I laughed. What kind of Bavarian am I that I forgot how to laugh?

“Okay, then don’t let me go. But you can still spare me, old friend. You have a gun… I know you do. Use it on me. Say I was trying to escape. Spare me the humiliation to come. ”

“I admit, I am tempted. But I think we both know that duty is more important that pity, yes? And we both know that I, for one, am not a killer. ”

Rudolph nodded. He had known it was a faint hope. “So this is it, then. I go on trial. And I will tell the truth as I remember it, the whole thing. ” He squared his jaw. “But I will not lie to make myself the victim! When I did what I did, I was no helpless cog in the Nazi machine. I was not “just following orders”. I believed in our mission. To me, the slaughter of Jews and Gypsies and all the rest was nothing more than the burning of old leaves and branches to make way for a new, glorious Spring!” He thumped his chest and said “And I enjoyed it!”

“Believe me, I know, Rudy. You forget, I know everything about you. ”

Rudolph tried to resist what he knew he had to do next. But there was such a thing as honor, and honor was more important than pride. “Yes, you know me, David. But I have a confession to make : I do not remember you. Believe me, over the years I have tried, but I just can’t remember you from the camps. ”

David smiled a clever smile. “That’s because you never met me in the camps, Rudy. I am no survivor. I have no tattoo, no traumas, no marks on my bones from the starvation. I was never in one of your camps, Rudy. ”

“But… but… you have hunted me for so long…. I thought surely you were one of the… ”

“I was never in your camps, Rudy. But both my parents and three of my uncles were… and two of my children. And none of them survived to haunt you as I have. ”

“Ah. I see. But… maybe I am just a foolish old man, but I always thought that we knew each other, somehow.. that we had met long ago. ”

“You are correct, my friend, although do not feel bad, because we met as children. And even then, I knew a lot more about you than you did about me, because back then everybody knew you. You were Rudolph Straeder, wunderkind, boy genius, the one who spoke eight languages and devoured math textbooks like they were dime novels and who was so beautiful, they said, that old people would cover their mouths when they saw you for fear of eating you alive! ”

Rudolph smiled, and said “Those were good days. ”

“It was better time. ” David agreed. “And because you were so famous and well-liked, I am sure that our brief meeting meant a lot more to me than it did to you. I was, after all, just a sickly boy who loved detective stories and had to walk with a cane.”

Recognition dawned for Rudolph. “You… you were the boy with the cane! The cane that turned into an umbrella! And you walked me home in that terrible rain. I always wondered why you held on to my arm. At the time I thought it was just to keep from losing track of me in the rain.”

“It was that…. but it was also because with my cane turned into an umbrella, I could barely walk a single step without falling on my side like a colicky horse!”

Once more, they both laughed. “But you were… I never knew we had any… I mean, you seemed so.. ”

“Normal? Just like all your friends, just another German kid? It meant a great deal to me that you treated me that way. Most of the other children saw my cane and my limp and my strangely pale skin and steered well clear of me. Their mothers would pull them back when I walked by. But that day, you, the golden child, accepted my help and accepted me. I will never forget that. ”

“If only I had known…. maybe things would have been…. different. ”

David smiled. “Now we both know that’s not true, don’t we?” He stood up, and offered Rudolph his hand. “I think it is time to go, my old friend Rudy. ”

Rudolph nodded. “It’s… it’s really over, isn’t it?” He spoke like a man waking from a dream. “At long last, it’s finally over. ”

David smiled, and said “Yes, old friend. It is over. It is out of both our hands now. Finally, both of us can get some rest. ”

Rudolph took David’s hand, and rose. “Rest…. yes I think I’d like that. ” He smiled at David, feeling as if the man he had been before today had been washed away.

“You know what, David? I think I am glad to see you, after all. ”