Really feeling the ticking of the clock.

It’s not like I am falling behind. I’m not. I have Tuesday’s class covered, and I have tomorrow off, so I have all day to work on the assignments for Wednesday’s classes.

That means I need a sketch for Sketch and two TV spec pitches. I haven’t started either of those, so it should be a full day’s work. But I am great at Sketch, as long as I don’t put too my pressure on myself and end up freaking myself out about it, and the two pitches will require a lot of thinking but not a lot of work per se.

One of my pitches will be for Bob’s Burgers. All I know right now is that it’s going to be an episode centered on the kids, as follows :

A plotline : Louise learns a lesson about her own capacity for deep compassion
B plotline : Gene gets a new girlfriend
C plotline : Tina tries something new

So I kind of have a lot of blanks to fill there.

The other will be for Brooklyn 99, and I got zero ideas there. I should probably watch a couple of episodes so I can get back into the groove of the show.

Today, though, I will not be getting any schoolwork done. Today is my day off. I will be leaving at 3 pm to meet William at the Marine Drive Skytrain station so he can take me to go see The Secret Life of Pets. The trailers make it look hilarious and like it will be tons of fun. And after that, we will come back to the apartment then go to dinner with La Gang, as is our custom on Sunday nights.

I read something interesting recently that touched on things I already knew but clarified them into a useful tool. The idea is very simple : instead of trying to calm yourself down when you are feeling anxious, convert that anxiety into excitement simple by saying “I am excited. ”

Excitement and anxiety are basically the same thing physiologically : faster respiration and heartbeat, pupil dilation, increased perspiration, and all those other factors indicative of an adrenalized state of physiological arousal. The difference is in polarity : anxiety is a negative and painful state whereas excitement is fun and energizing and, well…. exciting!

And switching polarities of interpretation is a far more realistic goal than trying to force your body to go all the way from aroused to calm. That’s why it is futile to tell someone who is feeling anxious to calm down. If they are already anxious, that means their bloodstream is full of adrenaline and stimulation of any sort will simply increase their arousal state, let alone someone telling them to do the exact opposite of what their endocrine state is telling them to do.

At the very least, you have to include positive, grounding, soothing emotional signals in your request for calmness. This includes being warmly calm (but not detached!) yourself, speaking in a gentle but firm tone, and offering plausible reassurances.

I am guessing telling them to say “I am excited!” would not necessarily help either. As my dear friend and mental tag team partner Felicity said, if what the person is anxious about is something with a potentially positive outcome, like say having to give that big presentation, then saying “I am excited to be giving this presentation!” may well work. But if it’s something entirely negative, like say you’re worried about a lump you just discovered in your breast, then saying “I am excited about this lump in my breast!” probably won’t help.

Still, I think it will prove to be a valuable technique. I have been pondering the subject for some time, just phrased a little differently. I wanted to learn how to surf the wave of arousal, to turn the anxiety into energy and motivation pushing me forward in a positive and happy way towards my goals, or just having fun.

Potato, potahto. Amounts to the same thing. It’s a matter of refocusing the energy into something positive. Learning to view the future as someplace you are eager to go, as eager as a child waiting for Santa Claus. Depression inculcates a habit of never looking at the future because the depression makes it seem like the future can only be far, far worse than the present. So you stop looking in order to preserve what motivation you have.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. The future can look bright and promising if you can shift your perspective.

And part of that is learning, little by little, to let your energies flow. To get in touch with your id and thus your own motive force. To learn to trust your instincts sometimes and end that poisonous inner fascist regime that insists in being in “austerity mode” all the time.

Austerity is bullshit. it doesn’t work, not for people and not for economies. It’s suitable only for people who can think no further than “We have offended The Economy, and must appease it through self-denial and the mortification of the flesh! Your flesh, that is… don’t dare expect ME to sacrifice anything. ”

The id can be scary, true. And not easy to deal with, especially when you have been starving it and ignoring it for a long time. Depression teaches you to associate the id only with the powerful negative emotions, like rage and fear, that it contains and to seek solace only in depression’s chilly embrace.

But I would rather deal with real negative emotions, no matter how strong, how messy, or how radical they are, than to suffer forever in the icy prison of a sad and idless existence. Depression has its charms but the price is far too high. Better to be fully alive and dealing with life.

And eventually, long down the road, you might even learn to concentrate on the positive things in life and live your life from peak to peak instead of from valley to valley.

At least, that’s what I hope to do.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.