These are my thoughts on the particularly grotesque pattern of (mostly) male misbehaviour that is making the news lately.
What on Earth prompts a man to expose himself to an underling or otherwise make crude sexual overtures to someone over whom he has power?
What are these men thinking?
I don’t have a single answer for these questions but I have some of the factors, like :
Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac. Civilization only goes so far, and we have a number of instincts we do not acknoledge and ergo have no power over. One of the strongest is the association of power with sex. There is some fundamental hardwired message in our brains that says “when you are the alpha, the people around you are your harem, to do with as you please”.
That’s the factor that lowers the barrier between horniness and this kind of behaviour. In the context of modern society, it seems insane that anyone would whip it out and give it a wiggle, and it is insane if you are not cognizant of this factor.
We are only a semi-monogamous species. We have pair bonding instincts that are very strong, but we also have the old primate-style hareming instincts waiting to kick in given the right circumstances.
And one of those circumstances is being the local alpha and having people of your preferred gender under you in the hierarchy plus time alone with them.
Familiarity breeds attempt. Another factor is that to the predator, these victims bypass all the usual meeting and social grooming anxiety that one experiences “out in the wild” in the world of dating and romance.
That makes this kind of thing especially attractive to insecure males who, in the world at large, have a lot of trouble approaching and meeting people. The dating world is a harsh jungle and a lot of thje time the insecure man feells like he is outcompeted before he even shows up to the party.
So to have someone you are attracted to so close at hand and not only super familiar to you but, due to the power difference, completely nonthreatening to you is just too much of a temptation for some people.
They like me! They really like me!. This leads to one of the aspects of this phenomenon I find particularly disturbing : the clear duality in the minds of the predator as to what is going on.
To me, it is clear that in the predator’s mind, this is a normal dating situation in which they happen to be doing really, really well. On some level, they also know that it’s a power relationship as well. But they are clearly willing to suppress that thought in order to get their needs met.
And this is about far more than sex. It’s about ego, and fantasy fulfillment, and social damage repair, and confirmation of high status, and a million other needs.
Thus, the phenomenon tends to turn into a nightmarish parody of normal human dating and courtship behaviours. Gifts are bought, social grooming language is exchanged, intimacy is established through the exchange of personal histories.
It’s like this :
A is pointing a gun at B’s head.
A: TELL ME YOU LOVE ME OR I WILL BLOW YOUR FUCKING BRAINS OUT!
B : I… love you?
A believes them.
Or something like that.
Look! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s an out of context penis! There is clearly some kind of genital display urge in males. Whether it’s an unsolicited dick pic or a “dropping the towel” type incident or even the sex crime known as “flashing”, there is clearly some part of the male brain that makes some men feel the need to show their penis to people they find sexy as if this was a normal part of sexual behaviour.
One feminists author I read a long, long time ago suggested that this was because men expect other people to be as impressed by their penises as they are.
I won’t deny, that’s a factor.
But we must always remember that these men are under the influence of horniness, and hence probably not thinking things through that far.
I think the dominant factor is simply that in modern society, nudity is seen as sexual, and so, in a bizarre way, the out of context penis is a sexual overture.
One that cuts to the chase, as it were. To put it mildly.
To me, this kind of thinking is emblematic of how badly broken down the usual social limits are in the predator. There is no context in which this behaviour would actually result in sex.
Nobody in history has ever been presented with an out of context penis and said “Well when you put it THAT way, let’s fuck!”.
I mean, I am a very “lonely” gay man, and I still do not want some guy suddenly dropping trou and showing me his pride and joy. Um, no thank you. Put that thing away before you catch a cold.
That kind of thing wouldn’t even work at an orgy.
So clearly, this is a behaviour isolated from any sort of logical anticipation of desired result as well as being divorced from normal social context.
In fact, there is something disturbingly childlike to it.
It’s possible that this bizarre genital displau behaviour is also tied into the exertion of power and dominence. Forcing someone to tolerate behaviour that makes them uncomfortable or even disgusted is an exertion of power over them that some twisted individuals might even find erotic.
Like Jabba slobbering over Leia. It was the power he had over that he was getting off on, not the act itself.
To conclude (sorta), this entire behaviour pattern is a lot more complex than the black and white portrait of it seen in the media these days.
If any of this caused you to be horrified to discover yourself feeling more sympathetic to these predators, that was not my intention.
I merely describe the phenomenon.
Your conclusions are your own.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.