And what have you done?
Another year over
A new one’s just begun

Um, no, if it’s Christmas, the year isn’t over yet and the new one won’t begin for another week. Idiot.

Aaaaanyhow. Here it is, Xmas morning and here I am, all alone in the world and missing my family like crazy,

And that hurts. But it’s a good kind of hurt. A warm kind of ache that I would not want to go away for any reason other than my being with them,.

I miss my Prince Edward Island homeland, too. This time of year, all would be snowy and white. Soft snow muffles sound and so the world would be more quiet and peaceful than in the summer months.

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My mother just called, so I am all a-tingle with love and happiness and that precious, precious ache.

I told her about my trip to the hospital for pneumonia. Apparently David never told her about it. I am not surprised – we all do our best to protect her from things we think will upset her.

It’s because we feel what she feels and so when she’s upset, so are we.

After all, she’s our mama.

And truth be told, I probably would not have told her either if it wasn’t ancient history now. I figured that as long as I was coming from being fine now, it would not upset her too much.

And she would want to know, of course. I’m the baby of the family and her bright little dreamer, so she wants to know what is up with me.

And like I told her, I don’t mind her asking about my depression. It doesn’t make me feel bad. In face, it makes me feel good that she cares.

Apparently, she took a spill recently on the thrice-damn’d ice. Ended up hurting her shoulder. X-rays didn’t show anything but it hurt awful bad from her shoulder to her hands and she could barely use that arm at all.

My poor mama!

Then about a month later, she was shrugging her shoulder and heard a lot of little clicky bone sounds and suddenly felt a whole lot better.

She figured she had a dislocation that didn’t show up on the xrays and that shrug made things pop back into place.

The funny thing is, the exact same thing happened to her brother, my Uncle Sonny! The fall, the pain, the not being able to use the arm, the xrays not showing anything, the month or so of misery, then the clicks and relief.

The whole story, happening to two people who happen to be siblings.

What are the odds?

Apparently my aunt Florence has been really having a hard time with her depression. Her husband, my uncle Andre, is beside himself with worry and doesn’t know what to do. All she does is lie on the couch all day and read.

Well all I do is use this computer all day, mostly to play video games, so I can relate. And I know what it is like to be like ghost in your own life, lost in your own shadow and numb to the point of wanting to harm to yourself just to get to feel something.

I’ve never actually done that, mind you. But I have wanted to. and I know why other people with depression do it.

Because it’s better to feel pain that feel nothing.

On a much, much happier note, we talked about my brother’s engagement to his long time girlfriend, Tanya.

Oh, by the way, my brother had gotten engaged to his long time girlfriend Tanya! And I am over the moon with happiness about it.

Like I said to him, I am just glad he finally found a girl smart enough to see what an awesome guy he is.

Of course, I might be biased.

As far as I know, they have not set a date yet. But I want to know when they do, because god damn it, one way or another, I will be there.

Gotta see my bro get married. I missed both of my sisters’ weddings, and I will be damned if I miss his.

The problem, as always, is that there is a whole continent between me and my family and the lands of my birth.

So any excursion home will be costly. The one time I managed it, it cost my sister Anne around a thousand bucks.

I could probably save that up. Especially if I find my gumption again and go back to looking for work on UpWork.

What else… oh, funny story : when Tanya first started coming around, my mother had to establish a certain thing with her :

She did NOT need to be looked after.

See, Tanya does a lot of things for her own mother. So when she first started coming around to my mother and brother’s home, she tried doing the same thing with my mother.

And I find that hilarious because I know my mother and know that was NOT going to fly. She’s quite stubborn and independent and cannot stand having people fussing over her and treating her like the fine china.

So that’s where I get it.

Actually, I don’t mind being fussed over. In fact, I quite like it. But only up to a point, the point where it starts to interfere with my autonomy.

So I would be fine having someone taking care of all of life’s little details for me, but I am going to do what I want, when I want, and that’s final.

Now if only I could be my own caretaker.

I’m working on it.

One last update from home : my mother’s other brother, my Uncle Jim, now lives in an old folk’s home.

Imagine how old that makes my mother feel! Poor dear.

Well I think that’s all the newts that’s fit to sprint. I have just enough time for a bit of a nap before I have to get ready to go to Joe’s parents’ place for what is sure to be a highly pleasant Xmas dinner.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.

(Weird thing to write on Xmas Eve, but what the hell. I’m inspired, )

First of, I promise you that I am not here to yell at you.

Or call you racist, or stupid, or evil, or tell you that you are what is wrong with the world, or any of that hateful bullshit,.

You know and I know that talking like that only gets people mad and makes things worse for everybody. First thing you know, people have their backs against the wall and are fighting like cornered rats and making baby Jesus weep with all the cussing and fighting.

So to hell with that. On this of all nights, let us make peace.

All I want to do is talk with you – real talk, person to person, as equals and friends and people who love their country and its people.

Now, I know you. And I know that you are not a bad person. I know that you believe in courage, honesty, loyalty, patriotism, law and order, and a government for the people and by the people.

I know you believe in freedom and human rights and keeping the little guy – the average, honest, hardworking people of your country – from getting stepped on by the big dogs, whether that’s big government, big unions, big special interests, or big corporations

I know that you a good-hearted person who honestly wants what is best for the land and the people you love.

But I am not so sure that all those people who claim to talk for you feel the same way. To be honest, some of them seem like rattlesnakes to me.

And I look at them, and I look at you, and I wonder : what happened?

How did good, honest, God-fearing people like you end up with such sinners as your spokespeople? And why do so many of you continue to follow these ungodly folk? Why do you stick with people who have turned their back on you and everything the Bible teaches?

Just how did your good will and trust get so violated by media people who don’t give a damn about you and your family and will tell you any damn thing that pops into their heads if they think it will boost the ratings.

These people are treating you like you’re stupid. But you’re not stupid. I know that and so do you. They treat you like you’re a child who needs everything explained to them, and we know that ain’t true either.

You are a free citizen who can make up their own damn mind about what you think and what you say and you don’t need to listen to those crazy people on TV up there acting like damn fools to know what is right.

You are stronger, smarter, braver, and better than that. You know what is right and what is wrong. You can feel it in your gut. You can feel it in your heart. You can feel it when evil tries to touch your soul.

So I ask again : what happened? You know in your heart that these TV people have evil in their hearts and sin in their minds.

Some of them even have blood on their hands.

So why do good people like you keep following them?

I know you value loyalty, but these sinners have not been loyal to you and they certainly don’t keep Jesus in their hearts, so why be loyal to them?

If these people loved and respected you as much as you deserve, they would not talk to you like they do. They would talk to you with respect and dignity instead of acting the fool on TV like you don’t know any better than to follow any clown who says they are red.

Well they ain’t red. They’re yellow. That’s why they only pick on people who can’t fight back. The very people Jesus loved. The weak, the poor, the crazy, the not quite all these in the head… there is no group too weak for these rich TV stars to pick on.

And they think you are too damned stupid to know when you are being picked on, lied to, jerked around, and laughed at behind your back.

And the top dog of that bunch – let’s call him DT – is the worst one of all. A billionaire born with a silver spoon up his ass who steals poor people’s taxes and gives them to all his rich friends like a reverse Robin Hood and who clearly hates everything good people believe has somehow gotten control of the White House and he expects you to go along with whatever he says, no matter how selfish or unholy or downright crazy it is, just because he stole the leadership of your party?

What kind of a – pardon my French – but what kind of a horsehit setup is that? This TV star thinks he can run the United States of America into the ground and nobody will say a damn thing about it because they love him more than their families, their neighbors, and their country?

How stupid does he think you are?

Well I think he underestimated you. Badly. I think he’s taken you for granted and treated you like garbage while wiping his feet on the American flag for far too long. I think it’s high time someone reminded him that he doesn’t own his supporters and that if he does not do right by them, they will go somewhere else and take their votes and support with them.

So I ask you one last time : what happened? And I am not asking just to ask or to make you doubt yourself. I sincerely want to know you side of the story. I want to know what you think of the situation no matter what those thoughts might be.

So go head. Tell me all the ways I am wrong. Call me all the names in the book. If that’s how you feel, let me have it. Get it out of your system.

But if you still feel like talking once you’ve calmed down, I will still be listening and I will still want to hear what you think.

Merry Christmas, everybody. Whether you’re red, blue, purple, or aqua marine, I hope you have a safe and peaceful Christmas and the very best of New Year’s possible.

Peace on Earth, everyone.

And I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.