I think my mood amplitude has increased as of late.
You get the idea. Higher highs, lower lows. I’ve had moments when I felt pretty good lately, and excruciating moments of total ARGH where I felt like I wanted to jump up and scream bloody murder then run cackling into the night.
I hate those.
Overall, I feel like something inside me is struggling to be born, and these oscillations are a result of it thrashing back and forth as it tries to free itself and escape.
Whatever. I will relax and let it do as it will inasmuch as that is possible. I know that no matter what happens, I will be better off for it, so I am willing to sacrifice a certain amount of peace of mind for the cause.
It’s not like my usual state of unnatural calm does me a lot of good anyhow.
Might be fun to be less sane for a while. It would certainly keep things from being too predictable. Life in my cage can be terribly dull, especially for my body, which hardly ever gets to do anything fun.
I can’t even masturbate all that often.
So long live the new flesh, I suppose. Anything that blasts open the calcified veins and arteries between my life force and my frostbitten soul is fine by me.
It’s high time I stop keeping my hot side hot and my cool side cool. I need to rip down the wall between them and let them mingle till I am warm through and through.
It will be worth all the hissing steam and cracing ice if when it is all over, I feel alive.
For a change.
The Daily Affliction
I’ve been trying to move to a more energy friendly kind of mindset that views a surge in my overall energy levels as a good thing and not just something that causes pain as it tried to force a seized engine to turn over.
But these things happen in steps, sometimes quite small ones, and so my step in that direction is to view my energy as a kind of daily affliction that I have to exercise and move around to excise before I can truly relax and be lazy like usual.
It’s kind of perverse, but I think it will work. So far, it’s just a reconceptualization of existing forces, but I will implement it soon.
It’s much easier to convince myself to exercise a little if I focus on the end goal of relaxation and reduced anxiety as opposed to trying to focus on some long term goal like losing weight or being healthier in general.
I think the whole healthier lifestyle industry would be better off if it concentrated on the most immediate and noticeable benefits first.
Human beings need to have their immediate needs met before they can start to think about their long term needs.
The hierarchy is very strict. That’s why so many attempts at lifestyle improvement fail.
You will “cheat” on your diet every time unless you get those needs met some other way. You have to convince your body that you are not starving.
More after the break.
Crunch time! 467 words in half an hour.
No frigging problem.
I am still shopping around for my next serious game. I bought one of those game packs recently but there’s no solid winners in there.
Heck, two of them I already had and two of them were fantasy war games, so that left only four games that were even in the running to be my Next Big Thin(tm).
And what the heck, I am still enjoying Divinity : Original Sin 2. It really says something about a game that I am enjoying my second playthrough almost as much as I did the first one. There’s just so much to experience.
Heck, I haven’t even felt the need to get into modding the dang thing yet. Everything I wanted from mods comes with the game.
Yes, you read that right – this game is so awesome it comes with its own mods. I particularly like the one that frees me from the tyranny of resurrection scrolls. Now using a bedroll, besides healing everyone up, also resurrects any dead character.
Thus, the game is effectively put in line with other isometric RPGs in that as long as one of your characters is alive at the end of the fight, you win, without long term consequences like running out of resurrection scrolls and being stuck with a dead character until you get one.
And they are really, really expensive.
Sorry game, but I am nowhere near that hardcore.
I also picked up a game from way back in 2000 called The Operative : No One Lives Forever. It’s basically a James Bond FPS, like Goldeneye for the N64, but instead of the famous 007, you are fledgling superspy Cate Archer.
Plus it’s all done in a very 60’s style, so it’s more like 007 meets Austin Powers. It has a lot of style, wit, and fun, and (sadly) a wee bit of racism.
All those guys in fezzes with Apu accents saying things like “I do not like the bullets!” is so very not cool any more.
What a difference 20 years makes.
The best part is that I didn’t have to pay for it. It is “abandonware”, meaning the game developer either no longer exists or no longer supports it, so there is no way to play for the game even if I wanted to, and that means I can download it guilt free.
And yet, there it was with a 91 percent score on Metacritic. How could I resist?
So really, there’s no great galloping rush to get a new game. I can take my time looking around for a worth successor to DOS2.
I am in the mood for something open world 3D, like Witcher 3, Fallout 4, or Skyrim.
But not Skyrim. I really don’t want to fall down that rabbit hole again.
Still, imagine all the fun new perverted things people have made for it since the last time I played it….
No! I will be strong. I will resist the urge to re-install Skyrim.
Besides, if I want perverted fun, there’s always Sims 4.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.