That about describes my mood right now.
I feel tense and irritable and restless. My head hurts and my muscles ache and my joints feel like they are rusting shut. I have that “trapped” feeling like I’m a horny zoo animal who smells a female but can’t get to that sweet, sweet animal pussy.
Or cock, in my case. What I’m saying is that I am also horny AF.
I have the strong urge to growl at someone. Or get into some kind of knock down rag out physical fight. I want to hit and get hit until all my pent up rage and aggression is spent and I can go back to feeling human again.
I wish I was physically healthy enough to solve this problem with exercise. I could get one heck of a workout done with mad energies like these. And it would feel good because it feels good to discharge tension like that.
Which reminds me : have you noticed that amongst all the myriad ways people suggest trying to “fight the obesity epidemic”, nobody suggests making exercise hurt less?
Seriously. Have you ever heard anyone mention anything even remotely along those lines? Reduce the pain and exercise becomes way more popular.
But nobody even thinks about that because we all tacitly accept that fat people eserve to suffer for the crime of being gross to look at and only through a massive sacrifice of blood and pain can we redeem ourselves.
But think about it. Nature plays a cruel trick on us because the more you desperately need exercise, the more it hurts when you give it a shot.
And pain is nature’s way of saying “don’t do that!”.
Well-meaning people (and smarmy assholes) have no idea what they are asking for when they ask us to “just start exercising”. They are imagining what it is like when they, a relatively healthy person, exercising, and it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal.
But it will hurt us a hell of a lot more than it would hurt them. And it’s easy to tell us that it will be “worth it” but when is the last time most people voluntarily did anything that hurts that much and kept doing it for long enough to get the benefits?
Plus a lot of us have never been healthy and strong and thin, so we have no source of lived experience to draw upon for inspiration. No glory days to return to.
All of this could be solved if we simply made exercise less painful. Whether it’s pill, a special kind of exercise machine, new techniques, or whatever. Reduce the pain and strain and you will save a lot of lives.
But I bet people would accuse you of “cheating”. Better health outcomes be damned, we want to keep our sense of smug superiority to fat people and we don’t care how many of them die as a result!
Not that I am bitter or anything.
God damn do I need an outlet.
More after the break.
The struggle is real
The struggle to get my new glucose meter working, that is.
I will try to stick to the highlights of my saga because a blow by blow would take forever to write and I am not in the mood.
So I got the “receiver” (reader) in the mail. Boffo. Now I can get my blood sugar readings again, and after only two weeks of bullshit!
So I got the reader out of the box and dug out the rest of the stuff that doesn’t work without the reader and therefore has been sitting and waiting for the reader to arrive.
In short : reader.
Instructions say boot up the reader and follow instructions. The instructions are sketchy and leave out a lot of stuff, but I am both clever and stubborn and thus only ruin one sensor in process of figuring shit out.
My bad entirely. Did not think to take the paper backing off the sticky part of the sensor. So sensor parted from applicator without actually sticking to me. Annoyed grunt!
So then after some futzing around and realizing I also fucked up my transmitter (which is technically separate from the sensor) and freaking out a while then finding the OTHER transmitter (thank Dog for redundancies), I finally got the sensor applied and could resume syncing up the reader, transmitter, and sensor and get going at last.
Or so I thought.
See, during reader setup, right after it had me apply the sensor and click the transmitter into it, I had been asked for a “sensor code” in order to properly calibrate the reader.
I couldn’t find it. The reader showed where on the sensor to find it, but it wasn’t there.
Then I realized : it must have been on the paper backing that I had to take off just to be able to apply the sensor!!!
In other words, I would have to have removed the paper with the code on it to get to the step where I needed the code!
Of all the Kafka-esque stupid fucking badly designed pieces of crap..
Oh but wait. It gets worse.
I had no choice but to skip the part where I enter the code. The reader told me it was optional, so no big deal, right?
Then it tells me it now has to “warm up” for two fucking hours before I can use it.
Two freaking hours? Crystal radio sets didn’t even take that long. What on Earth takes two entire hours to warm up these days?
Then when that process is finally done, what does the reader for my glucose monitoring system do to me?
It asks ME what my blood glucose reading is!
That’s YOUR fucking job! YOU tell ME!
So apparently that sensor code thing is only optional if you have another glucometer that actually works to give you the reading to use to calibrate the new one.
In which case, why do I fucking need the new one???
So I am officially at the end of my rope. I am giving up on the whole thing for now. Tomorrow I will look for a toll free number I can call so I can yell at somebody for what a freaking clusterfuck this thing is.
I may end up having to remove my current sensor and apply a THIRD one. And that assumes I figure out how to separate the transmitter from the current sensor so I can use it in the new one.
What a bloody palaver.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.