I know I’m genuinely addicted to video games because I can’t imagine what my life would be like without them.
I mean, what would I even do with myself all day?
My ability to actually figure out what I want to do then do it has atrophied to the point of nonexistence since the dawn of this phase of my addiction.
‘Twas Skyrim that birthed it.
So when I try to imagine life outside this addiction of mine, my mind balks. It doesn’t want to go there. All it can see beyond that horizon is an infinite expanse of the existential horror of infinite choice.
Right now, I don’t have to face that choice. Every waking hour that is not spent blogging or getting food from the kitchen or watching things with friends is spent gaming.
The only thing I choose is what game to play next.
Usually it’s this one.
But of course, it’s not a matter of video games all the time or no video games at all.
That’s just the usual all or nothing false dichotomy bullshit the bad parts of our minds use to stay in power.
It’s really a choice between video games to the exclusion of all other things or video games PLUS other things.
Things like taking better care of my health. Or exploring ways I can better express my enormous creative potential. Or looking for freelance work.
Or really anything that actually adds value to my life.
I want to have something to show for my time on Earth.
I can do miracles and wonders. I can turn night into day by writing with words of blood and fire across the arc of the sky. I can conjure worlds with my songs and tame dragons with a kind word and a smile. I can speak with a voice so loud and mighty that it reverberates through history.
But not if I spend all my time playing video games!
More after the break.
Addiction Part Three
The thing about addictions is that they hollow you out.
And by that, I mean they displace and/or replace everything else in your life . Everything becomes about feeding the addiction as all other concerns – hobbies, lovers, even jobs – vet jealously shoved aside by your new lover.
The reason why is complicated, but the basic principle is deadly in its simplicity : we, like all living beings, are wired both by and for pleasure, and you have found an intense and reliable source of it.
To the primitive wiring of our minds, that makes it better than all other sources and every time you feed your addiction, those circuits are reinforced, making the addiction even MORE pleasurable than before.
Luckily for me, one does not develop a tolerance for video games so there is no risk of an overdose and the physical effects are more subtle and long term.
Games may eventually cost me my life.
Then again, in a sense, they already have by keeping me from having one.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow