A disturbing incident just occurred.
I was getting out of bed so I could get some food from the kitchen then get my blog on when my legs gave out and I sank to the floor in the middle of standing up.
And to top it off, I sank down into a very awkward jumble of knees and ankles that was very painful for my less-than-flexible limbs
Patient readers will recognize that this is exactly how this whole shebang with my being disabled started. Way back in the summer of ’22, I woke up from a nap, tried to stand up, found that my legs would not hold my weight at all, and called 911.
Eventually. It’s hard to get to the phone on my desk when I can’t stand up.
Anyhow, an ambulance came, took me to the hospital, I was there for like 17 days, and when I left I had to use a walker to walk.
And I have not been able to walk normally for more than half a dozen steps since.
Now this time. I at least knew enough not to panic. Instead of calling 911, I just sat there for a while, gathering my strength, then managed to get up into my computer chair and took a longer rest there, and then I managed to stand up and go get my food.
But that feeling of heaviness was still there and stronger than ever. So I am now very, very worried that it will just keep growing until I can’t stand up at all any more.
This is probably just me leaping to terrible conclusions as usual. But maybe not.
If my legs stop holding me up entirely, I will obviously have to switch to a wheelchair pronto. And I am sure as hell not looking forward to that.
The transition to using a walker was rough enough. Learning to get around in a wheelchair sounds like a recipe for intense frustration and me damaging a hell of a lot of walls and door frames.
I wonder if anyone is developing a self-driving wheelchair? That has to be a much simpler trick than self-driving cars.
It’s not like the self-driving wheelchair would have deal with traffic.
Anyhow, so I am quite worried. Granted, I managed to get over this incident. but I don’t know for how long and therefore I don’t know if my legs will hold me up the next time I need to get up and go to the kitchen or bathroom.
So I am feeling pretty freaked out right now.
I don’t think it’s just a side effect of the muscle relaxant, cyclo-whatever, that I am on right now. Like I said yesterday. muscle weakness is not listed as one of the known side effects of this drug, plus this has all happened before and back then Ihad never even heard of this drug.
Plus I have been feeling “heavy” when I walk for like a week now..
In retrospect, I guess that was a warning.
So I dunno what comes next. I guess that if I continue to have problems with getting up due to that “heavy” feeling it will have to be back to the ER for me
Or Urgent Care. I guess.
Because this is something I can’t just ignore and hope it will go away on its own. I already did that with my digestive issues a couple weeks ago and that was dumb.
Might also have been a warning sign. Dammit.
Maybe I am just dehydrated. It’s pretty dang hot today. Maybe all I really need is to refill my sweat glands more can a can of Fresca could ever do.
When I sign off of here. I will see if I can make it to the bathroom so that I can take a leak and refill my water glass.
Wish me luck.
More after the break.
Am I in a loop?
48 hours later, I am back in the same place.
Once more, I am sitting here at dinner time with zero appetite.
I can’t even imagine eating right now. The very idea of food seems disgusting to me at the moment. How could I do all that to myself?
And I’m done it thousands of times, and enjoyed it. Weird.
Right now, there is no food that exists or could exist that would appeal to me I could have access to a replicator from Star Trek : The Next Generation, which can create any food ever, and I still wouldn’t be able to think of anything I wanted to eat.
And I am tired of this bullshit.
I still feel pretty weak/heavy when I am on my feet. I can deal with it for now but if it gets much worse it will be ambulance time.
It will have to be an ambulance because if I can’t walk, I can’t make it down to the car for Julian to drive me to the ER or UC or whatever.
Again, so far it has not come to that and it probably won’t, or at least, not any time soon. But there is something in my nature that compels me to think of the worst case scenario so I can reassure myself that even should that come to pass, I could handle it.
I am also very tired. That’s probably due to the heat. Heat can really take it out of you.
But because I am tired, AND have no appetite, there is very little chance of my making it to the kitchen to get food I don’t even want to eat.
Dumb, I know. But right now I don’t have the wherewithal to fight myself.
Maybe after the sun sets and it cools off, I will feel better, and then I will be able to eat.
I would order in again but I am all alone in the apartment right now and that means I would have to go to the door to get my order myself.
And that’s not an option either.
Man this sucks.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.