More specifically, I pooped the bed again. Yesterday afternoon.
Which means that technically I should have gone to the ER or Urgent Care already. But I have not.
Because I still don’t wanna.
So um….. third time’s the charm?
If it happens a third time then no matter how much I hate being in the ER, I will have to go and find out what’s up with my butt.
I must say, I am very disappointed in it. It used to do its job so well, but lately it’s really lost its shit.
Ha ha ha.
Fun addition : the area where the fecal matter pools the most is also the place where the springs poke up out of my bed and attempt to perforate.
Hmmm. Maybe instead of a new power supply, I should be looking for a new mattress. Or just someone I can hire to clear off my bed and flip it.
Anyhow, so I am going through a LOT of Kleenex cleaning up my mess when I feel a terrible lancing pain in my finger and look to see blood dripping from it because I had indeed perforated it on a spring.
Great, now they’ve tasted blood. And now I have a wound covered in poop.
That’s got to be unsanitary.
Luckily it was a very shallow wound and I was able to get it flushed out with hot water in the sink of my ensuite bathroom right away. And I clot quite rapidly.
But you can see why that made me feel particularly put-upon by fate.
I hope this pooping the bed thing passes like it has before. I would hate to have to get used to wearing adult diapers all the time.
That would pretty much supercharge my Avoidant Personality Syndrome and I would find it very difficult to leave the apartment at all for any reason.
I mean, I end up filled with shame and fear now, when I have no good reason for it.
Add in chronic incontinence and hence the real possibility of me walking around in public with a literal shitload in my pants and you can forget about it.
I wouldn’t even be able to go to Wound Care, and those (mostly) ladies are all nurses and presumably quite used to dealing with a lot of unpleasant bodily secretions.
I don’t care. When dealing with toilet issues, you are dealing with extremely deep and powerful emotions from the very dawn of us as human beings. Learning to control our bladder and bowels and to empty them only in the right place is basically the very first thing we learn in our lives and we learn it before we even complete primary brain growth, so those lessons are locked into the very structure of our brains.
No wonder we find poop jokes so funny even when we’re adults. Humor comes from tension and there’s a lot of tension to relieve when it comes to poop et al.
Anyhow, enough of that shit.
I finally cleared enough HD space to install Assassin’s Creed : Odyssey, so when I am done blogging for now, I’m gonna go play it.
The trick will be to avoid my tendency to be a one game at a time dude because if I do that, either Pathfinder : Kingmaker or Assassin’s Creed : Odyssey will end up gathering dust on the shelf while I obsess over the other.
And that seems wasteful.
So I will alternate. Unless it turns out Assassin’s Creed : Odyssey is like, really really really really good.
Then all bets are off, kids!
More after the break.
Who shit in my grits?
Still haven’t played Assassin’s Creed : Odyssey because when I tried to launch it from Steam, it insisted in also booting up Ubisoft’s own gaming platform, Ubisoft Connect, which then insisted I make a new password for it.
Grumble grumble, but whatever. So I follow the instructions and it keeps telling me that the password-change URL I am using has expired or changed.
And I don’t know WTF to do about THAT, so for the moment I am stymied.
When I am less pissed off about the whole thing, I will go to the Ubisoft website and contact their support staff (assuming they still have any) and pass the problem over to them and see what they can do about it.
God does it ever seem like the universe is going out of its way to fuck with me lately.
At least I managed to get out of the prologue in Pathfinder : Kingmaker. Now I am the Baron of a brand new kingdom, and it’s up to me to both adventure around as usual while also stopping by the capital now and then to look after my people.
Same as in the sequel, actually. Although I get the feeling in this game that the kingdom administration will be a lot more detailed and hands-on.
My official honorific is “your Grace”. LOL. Not the one I would have chosen, but it’s fine.
Dunno what I would have chosen. Something that suggests a calm, firm, gentle kind of power. The kind that reassures people that they have a powerful but benign rule who is a deadly threat to any who would threaten his kingdom but a lamb to his people.
Or something like that.
No idea what honorific that would BE, mind you.
What bothers me most about this Assassin’s Creed : Odyssey business is that not only did I go to some amount of trouble to clear the hard drive space for it, it’s a gift from my good buddy Maelkoth and that makes me all the more eager to play it.
Because it comes with LOVE!
No word from my sisters yet. Whatever. Been emailing back and forth with my brother David, though, and I am going to follow my New Year’s resolution to not be so isolated and try to make sure that keeps going.
There are people out there who love me and care about me and want me to do well and it’s only my mental illness that keeps me from feeling that love.
That big thick invisible wall locks me in that Midnight Tundra, and that’s why I was so convinced that I am all alone in this world. Abandoned. Forgotten. Unloved.
But that’s a lie. There is love out there for me despite the cold, and I am determined to keep systematically destroying that invisible wall until I can feel it.
I can already feel a little of the warmth of the sun coming from above me. There is a place of light and love and happiness waiting for me.
And god damn it, I’m going to make it there!
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.