In a word, bleargh

Just woke up from some of that rough sleep and hence I am feeling rather like I have been through the birth canal of a very petite woman a dozen times today.

I honestly don’t know bhow the rather compact Acadian ladies of my homeland manage to be so fertile.

I’m going to assume that the magic ingredient is Catholocism.

so right now, blogging is the last thing I wanna do. But as always, there is no question of not doing it. This space needs filling each and every day.

And I need to do it. Otherwiose, the words in my head get backed up worse than usual and that hurts.

So merrily, I trudge along.


 

My Xbox One S finally showed up. The one I won from a McDonald’s contest.

I will pause now to take note of that, I’m a winner. I won something. Right now, I have a new, in box, never opened Xbox Obne S (Minecraft Edition) sitting on my bed waiting for me the decide its fate.

I’m not a loser. I’m a winner. I won something. I WON. I feel like I need toi repeat this a million times in order to counter the inner programming that says quite the opposite.

I really have no reason to hink myself a loser. After all, in order to lose, one first must play. I’m more of a non-player. A sitter-outer. A concientous objector.

SOmeone who has been on the injured list for a very long time.

I wish I could be reborn. Not in the birth canal way mentioned above. Just in the sense of being able to start over,. free of all unwanted contexts.

Like life had saved games and I want to load one from before I made a lot of crucial mistakes so I can now avoid them.

Life doesn’t work like that, though. Reality is broken, after all. Only the world of video games has perfect justice. Hard work is always rewarded, progress is mesurable and guarnteed if you put in the time, and the bad guys always get it in the end.

And at your hand, no less. Making you the oft praised hero of the land. Meaning your hard work is not only rewarded but recognized and acknowledged.

Marx would be please. Sort of. Not reallty. Forget I brought it up.

Not sure what I will do with the Xbox. Might sell it, might keep it. If I keep it, I can always hook it up to my  computer monitor and play games that way.

At least I think I can. Everything has so many input and outputs these days that I am sure I would be able to find a match. Might have to but some cables but that’s it.

And I suppose it would be nice to have a current-generation console. But I have a current-gen computer already and I can buy and play all kinds of games on it, so I am not sure why I would give a damn about playing games on a console.

And yet, the idea appeals to me. I suppose it’s nostalgia. I’ve had many hpurs of fun playing games o n consoles, and there is a purity to the experience – probably because there are no other things going on like with a PC – that is very appealing.

And o n a practical level, the games can look and play better than on a PC because they are being developed and programmed for a particular piewce of hardware with known capabilities, unlike on a PC.

So I don’t know. Might keep, might sell. Looked up the price. and it seems like what I have goes for around $300 CDN retail. So getting $200 CDN for it should not be hard.

Dunno what I would spend the $$$ on tho. So there’s that.

Damn I wish I could go right back to sleep. I want to sleep all the time these days. It’s like winter is making me want to hibernate.

Except at night, when the world is quiet and I am alone and most people are asleep and therefore I can play Skyrim for hours and hours without distraction.

Then I perk right the fuck up. Sigh. Those hours are my most alert and mentally engaged and on sync with the world.

The world of Skyrim, that is. Further sigh.

But right now, I just wanna sleep. That’s what happens when you stay up till 8:30 AM in the fucking morning. I have had spome sleep due to lovely Trazadone, but it is still not enough. I want to sleep for like, three days.

But nonight I have FRED and hanging out with my wonderful friends.and before that, oif course,I have to finisgh my words, and I will need to get a shower at around 5:15 pm in order to be presentable for FRED at 6 pm, and so forth and so on.

I would be so much better off if I got to sleep at some human time. But I can’t seem to remember that when I am in the zone playing Skyrim and reluctant (to say the least) to take a sleeping puill and leave the mental state where I am connected and purposeful and feel connected and contended and confident. and plunge into the draining and depressing world of sleep, where I always wake up feeling crappy and confused.

It’s a bum deal. But I asm not so stupid (yet) as to think I can solve that by means other than just going to sleep earlier.

Like that’s going to happen.

Oh well. Almost done. Then I can crawl back into bed and nap for a couple more hours and then get up to face the day with something like sentience.

Hopefully, this time, I will wake up feeling at least a little better than I do now. Lately, it seems like I end up feeling really bad every day and that really sucks.

Want to get back into taking better care of myself.

Right now, I gotta lay down before I fall down.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow,

 

 

 

 

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