Are the rich evil?

And if so, why?

In this modern era where the struggle between the rich and the average has solidified into talk of the struggle of the ninety nine percent versus the one percent, it has become increasingly clear that those ivory tower billionaires whose wealth and power makes them de facto rulers of the world have behaved in ways which are not merely selfish and short-sighted, but actively hostile to the ethical standards of free world. They seek every opportunity to subvert democracy, curtail freedom that is not their own, demand bigger and bigger slices of the pie to slake their everlasting greed, and in fact, use their ill gotten power to try to take the world back to the age of the robber barons, if not even further.

In such a political milieu, those of us unburdened with billions might be tempted to reflexively answer “Hell yes!” when asked if the rich are evil. It’s an easy thing to say, it feels good, and it’s the sort of thing that very few people outside of Fox News and the GOP will disagree with.

But if that was all there was to it, it might well simply be dismissed as a popular prejudice from a troubled age. However, as it turns out, this view actually has some science on its side.

Here is the gist of the article :

As reported in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, researchers find that the wealthy are more likely to cheat, lie and act indifferently to those in need than those financially less well-off.

“Elevated wealth status seems to make you want even more, and that increased want leads you to bend the rules or break the rules to serve your self-interest,” says Paul Piff, a UC Berkeley graduate student, who is the lead author of the joint study with the University of Toronto.

Some of this is thing that everybody already knows from experience, like findings that confirm that the rich are more likely to cut you off in traffic or be rude to servers.

But what strikes me most is that this clear tendency towards acting in their own self-interest above absolutely anything is shown even when they are reporting on themselves and what they would do in hypothetical ethical situations.

So not only do they lack basic morality, they lack even the self-interested self-awareness to pretend to have it. They are evil, and they do not see a problem with that.

But why? What is it about a high level of wealth that does this to people?

Here are a few potential factors to consider :

Selection Bias. One possible factor is selection bias. Perhaps the real story is that it takes a ruthless and amoral person to become rich in the first place. This would certainly explain the callous attitudes of the nouveau riche and the self-made man (or woman).

The infantalizing effect of privilege. The more wealth or power a person has, the greater their ability to have everything be exactly how they want it to be, and the less incentive they have to socially cooperate. In effect, this causes them to revert to a pre-moral emotional state, as if they were once more self-centered spoiled children. And indeed, you will find that, like such children, they are often angry, petulant, demanding, unreasonable, selfish, unwilling to share, and extraordinarily short-tempered and impatient.

The isolating effect of wealth. The extreme power differential between an average citizen and a wealthy person creates a strong isolating effect. An average person cannot help but see the wealthy person as an opportunity more than a person, and the wealthy person in turn cannot afford to trust that average people are acting out of pure motives and can be trusted. This creates a terrible barrier between the wealthy and the average, and leads many of the wealthy to conclude that they have no choice but to only associate with those of their level of status and income, regardless of any egalitarian impulses. This forms the basis for a group identity and the rich acting as a class.

The instinctual primate response to status. Our modern pluralistic, capitalistic democracies do a good job of masking our species’ basic hierarchical nature. But every human being has a set of instincts which are entirely about power, status, social dominance, and maintaining a strict hierarchy. One of those instincts has to do with status. We naturally feel that with status comes dominance and privilege. It is basic to our natures to feel that being higher up the status tree means we are special and deserve both to have the best of everything and to rule over those below us. This instinct runs deep into our primate natures, and yet, because of the flattening of the formal hierarchy that occurs in modern society, most of us do not achieve a very large increase of status in our lives, and hence, we never experience these instincts very strongly. Hence, the way wealth and status changes people seems alien to us, and it is easy to imagine we would behave differently in their shoes. And perhaps we would. But we should not simply assume it will be so.

Obviously, these are just a few of the potential factor that go into a complex and multifaceted sociological phenomenon like this tendency of wealth and status to be antithetical to moral behaviour.

And it should be carefully noted that what I am speaking of in this article is a broad trend, not a narrow prejudice. Nothing in this article should be construed as a blanket moral condemnation of all wealthy people. As individuals, they are no doubt as various and diverse as any other human beings. We speak only of a broad sociological trend.

That said, this trend is supported by scientific evidence, and as it bodes very poorly for the future of freedom and democracy, it behooves us to study this trend very carefully, and see what can be done to counter it before it is too late.

What I am not writing about

I was going to write about this whole incident, but I can’t. It makes me too damned angry to even think about being able to write about it. That makes me feel like a bit of a failure as a writer, but writers are human beings too, and sometimes something is simply far too painful to write about.

Maybe when I have more years of writing experience under my proverbial belt, I will be able to take even something like that into myself and retain the ability to remain articulate about it, and fulfill my duty as a public articulator of opinion. But that day is not today.

And it’s probably not going to be tomorrow, either.

So let us stick with lighter news today, and move on for now to happier themes.

Like, how about seven minutes of completely kickass science fiction made just for the hell of it?

This Is Not A Trailer

That is the only bad thing about it… despite all appearances, that is not a trailer for an upcoming movie. That is the whole movie, right there. Although I would not be surprised if someone offers the makers a movie deal just based on how good that looks and the quality of the acting. I thoroughly enjoyed it and so, according to the YouTube comments, did a lot of other people.

That is the sort of thing I would notice, were I a venture capitalist.

Admittedly, the actual plot is corny as hell. Oh no, the perfect killing machine designed by evil scientists starts to remember its humanity and kicks some ass. Been there, done that, a million times.

But that doesn’t really matter because it’s just so damned well done.

And the best thing is, it was done just to do it. The people involved have done other work in big Hollywood moves, but Archetype, they did just for the hell of it.

And what do you know, when you let creative people do what they want, you get great stuff.

If only the money people were capable of understanding that. But they see the world through an entirely different set of lenses.

Girl Scouts United

Next up, we have this fun little story about some Girl Scouts who did not take the theft of their Girl Scout Cookie money lying down.

Instead, they beat on their assailants some, and while the thieves still escaped with around $200 in Girl Scout cookie money, at least they have the painful humiliation of taking a few hits from some nine year old girls first.

Of course, the obvious question that screams from this story is : what kind of a piece of shit steals money from Girl Scouts? How low in the human dignity hierarchy do you have to be to even consider stealing Girl Scout cookie money? How badly do you want to get beaten when you are caught, and then beaten again (and worse) when they find out “what you’re in for” in prison?

And well, there is definitely the possibility that these girls somehow lost their cookie money and came up with this exciting story of derring-do in order to cover it and not get into trouble, and it just snowballed out of control from there.

After all, the Salem Witch Trials started with some little girls stories, too.

Still, I hope it’s true.

How To Offend

Then there is this fun little guide to offensive hand gestures from all around the world.

Of course, I am not recommending you actually use any of them. I offer the link purely because I find it absolutely fascinating as an avid student of humanity and all its marvelous expressions.

I had no idea there was such a wealth of ways to be rude without words in the world. And I am sure the list is far from exhaustive. But even so, the sampling offered is rich and various.

Like this one :

Write-off

Meaning: I am ignoring you
Used in: Greece

The literal translation of st’arxidia mou, the phrase that accompanies this gesture, is “I write it on my testicles.” And while there may well be people who, out of a strange psychological compulsion or simply boredom, actually write on their testicles, here the threat is simply metaphorical and tells the subject you’re ignoring him. One needn’t possess testicles to use the gesture, which is employed by men and women alike.

I am impressed at how well developed such a gesture is. Outside Greece, if we want to say we are ignoring someone, we don’t involve out genitals at all. We just turn our back on them, or look away, or plug our ears and say “La la la, I can’t hear you, la la la!”

Clearly, for the Greeks, those are not nearly specific or testicular enough.

But my favorite one is this one :

Idiota

Meaning: Are you an idiot?
Used in: Brazil

A South American gesture indicating stupidity, this requires improv skills and an actorly flair. To perform, put your fist to your forehead while making a comical overbite. The gesture is most effective when accented with multiple grunts. When executed correctly, you will be rewarded with appreciative laughs, though not, perhaps, from your subject.

I figure this is the equivalent of the North American “Well, DUUUUUH”, but with far more of a Latin American flair. It’s like you suddenly do an impression of Hagar the Horrible’s best friend while making Tim Allen noises.

You have to admit, that really puts some oomph into your sarcasm.

I can only imagine that it makes people from the countries neighboring Brazil think Brazilians are, well, kinda dickish.

End of File

Well, that’s it from me for today. I managed to make it through this blog entry and come out of it in a good mood, despite the terrible news and the fact that the wind is making all kinds of spooky sounds outside my window tonight.

Off now to have a nap and possibly weird spooky dreams. Seeya tomorrow after therapy, folks!

It’s Friday. It’s Science. It’s a thing.

Like my period-rich, tough, dynamic wording of the title of this feature? This is science with balls. Science with machismo. Science that has to stand three feet back from the urinal or it will shatter.

This week, we have something that is surprisingly edible, the most fucking Michael Bay ready piece of technology you will see today, possibly the coolest scar ever, and growing diseased brains in a jar.

For science, of course. And not just because it sounds like the perfect thing to cackle over while you rub your hands together in fiendish glee in your secret underground laboratory.

And what better way to punctaute that thought than with a bolt of lightning?

The Lichtenberg Man

I am not one hundred percent sure that this is truly what this Reddit link says it is, but according to Reddit, the following is a picture of the scar that some dude got from getting hit by lightning.

Can this be real? Click to enlarge.

I mean, how likely is it that getting hit by lightning would give you a picture of lightning on your arm? Well, it’s not quite as ridiculous as it seems.

If it’s legit, then that is an example of a living Lichtenberg Figure, which are figures created in materials by electrical discharges that, lo and behold, look pretty much like fork lightning does in the sky.

You can even create these neato figures in soft plastic if you have the time and the patience to mess around with the two for a while.

So it could be that this guy has an actual Lichtenberg Figure on his arm from his brush with death.

Or, he could have done it himself with a pin.

Either way, it’s an awesome scar with a killer story and probably gets him laid.

So, happy ending(s) either way!

Food Coloring 2.0

Now this is a fun little invention : edible spray paint.

OK, I admit, put that way, it sounds gross, but that’s the way the article describes it. I prefer to think of it as “sprayable food coloring”, but that is just me.

Anyhow… so what does such a thing, whatever you call it, look like?

It looks like this :

You did say it should be a GOLDEN brown, right?

Is that not bizarrely wonderful and wonderfully bizarre? But for sheer chic, elegant plate appeal, you have to go with this pic :

They're like Chistmas decorations you can eat!

Hard to believe that’s still food, huh? But it totally is. The spray paint is as edible and harmless as regular food coloring, and yet, it can make things all shiny!

Technically, it comes in four colors : gold, silver, red, and blue. But really, who cares about red and blue? We can make food that color already!

I admit, I have an odd fascination with food that does not look like food, so I might be biased toward this product a tad.

But just think of the eye-popping effects you could achieve for your fancy restaurant with this stuff!

Growing Your Brain

Scientists in Edinburgh have come up with a way to grow brain cells from the skin cells of people with various mental disorders in the lab, thus making it a lot easier to get them for study without having to get them from animals or cadavers.

This, to me, seems like a fairly amazing leap in stem cell technology. We are up to turning skin cells into brain cells already? That is huge, huge news! If we can grow new brain cells with someone’s own DNA in them, we might just be able to “patch” brain injuries that were previously completely untreatable.

And heck, we might even be able to give people extra brain capacity. Recent revelations about brain plasticity have made it clear that the brain can route its activity around an injury, reassigning rasks and resuming function almost seamlessly.

So now there’s talk that perhaps the brain could use that same flexibility to learn to address and use extra lab grown brain matter incorporated into its structure for the purposes of, quite literally, expanding your mind.

I am not sure if that would make you any smarter. But it might become necessary if we start expanding human lifespan past the point at which our mental address table can handle it.

We might need the extra memory space.

Fire And Iron

Finally, to finish of this week’s entry with a very big bang, we have this story about the American Navy’s latest railgun weapon.

What is so cool about that?

Watch this clip, and you will know.

It belches fire like a dragon and throws what looks like a futuristic anvil at speeds of up to 5,500 MPH with the combined energy of 32 one ton cars hitting a brick wall at 100 MPH, that’s what’s so cool.

I mean, is that the most Michael Bay invention ever, or what? Fire. Speed. Destruction. Baygasm.

Check out the future plans for this thing :

The eventual goal is a ship-mounted 20- to 32-megajoule weapon that shoots a distance of 50 to 100 nautical miles. It shoots projectiles using electricity instead of chemicals, which would theoretically be safer because you would not have to tote dangerous gunpowder on a ship. It uses an electric field to accelerate a metal conductor between two rails and launch a projectile.

I love that it is a purely kinetic weapon. No payload, no propellant, no guidance, no need even to rifle the barrel. Just a hunk of metal moving at speeds that MAKE AIR CATCH ON FIRE.

That is pretty freaking awesome in my books. I wonder if it creates a sonic boom? Not to mention the shockwave created by pushing the air ahead of it so damned fast.

Is it wrong to find a weapon of death this cool?

Well, that’s all for this week, folks! More cool science when next we meet! Ciao!

Gathering some moss

Time to clear out the browser again. Maybe I should make this a separate category of post. Put it under “links” as “dump”.

It sounds gross, but if my StumbleUpon is any judge, an awful lot of people put “link dumps” and “pic dumps” on their blogs without even thinking about it twice.

Anyhow, got some keen things awaiting inclusion clogging up the old Firefox right now, so I figured it is time to line them up, kit them out, give them a stern talking to and a big hug, and then send them out into the world to fend for themselves.

Letting go is always the hardest part.

A Very Interesting Question

A fascinating article over at TechCrunch (where did the E go? or is that a totally different site?) asks a highly pertinent question for our time : Is printing a gun the same as buying a gun?

Not that long ago, this would have been a completely nonsensical question. “Printing a gun” would be as absurd a concept as making yourself rich by drawing pictures of gold bars. You could no more print a working, functional, real world gun than you could print a living dragon.

But with the rapid advances in what used to be called “rapid prototyping” and is now called, much more sensibly, “3D printing”, things are not so clear.

People are 3D printing out all kinds of things. I mean, you can download and print a freaking Stradivarius, for crying out loud.

But somehow, despite my even mentioning the printing of rifle parts in the above linked article, the issue of people being able to 3D print dangerous things never really occurred to me before now. (I guess I was too distracted by the Stradivarius thing. )

The potential implications are vast. The law certainly has no way of coping with this. The entire structure of gun control laws revolves around controlling the manufacture and sale of firearms. The idea that someone without a whit of gunsmith training might just decide to print themselves out an AK-47 and some ammo was never envisioned.

Before we get too excited, I must caution, this is not happening right now. 3D printers print things in plastic polymers, and fairly soft ones at that, so they would make pretty lousy guns. But this is something that we may have to deal with in the near future.

This sort of thing has the potential to make all kind of laws meant to keep dangerous things out of the wrong hands completely obsolete.

A sobering thought, and something to chew on.

The Ultimate Silencer

And while we are thinking dark thoughts about the future, let us talk about this weapon that makes it impossible for people to talk.

Now, the story is a tad sensationalistic. It acts as though this is a magic “silence gun” that could make a whole room full of people unable to talk like it was some kind of mute button on life, and it is nothing of the sort.

Instead, it just plays a single person’s voice back at them with a slight delay. This seriously disorients people and makes them instinctively stop talking to clear up the confusion.

This is no big leap for science. This is technology so basic that I used a similar device at the Ontario Science when I was a kid in 1978. At the time, this Delayed Auditory Feedback was considered a possible explanation for why some people stutter. They hear their own voice echoed back to them.

So anyhow, relax, this is not some totalitarian superweapon. It could only ever work on one person at a time, and a determined enough person could, I think, shake off the effects.

What interests me is the stated purpose of this weapon, to wit :

The researchers were looking for a way to stop “louder, stronger” voices from saying more than their fair share in conversation. The paper reads: “We have to establish and obey rules for proper turn-taking when speaking. However, some people tend to lengthen their turns or deliberately interrupt other people when it is their turn in order to establish their presence rather than achieve more fruitful discussions. Furthermore, some people tend to jeer at speakers to invalidate their speech.” In other words, this speech-jamming gun was built to enforce “proper” conversations.

To me, that just bristles with the rage of the shy and the unassertive. Like some perhaps mildly Asperger’s engineers got so angry at being verbally bullied by hecklers and highly articulate people who were NOT FOLLOWING THE RULES that they invented what amounts to a “shut the fuck up gun” to insure they would get a chance to speak.

Seems downright mad scientist to me, not that there’s anything wrong with that. But you know, you could take an assertiveness class, or get a better chairperson for your meetings.

I’m just sayin’.

How “Now” Is This?

Finally, a story for this exact moment in history, about how that modern demon known as “autocorrect” actually prompted a major police incident.

Damn You, Autocorrect, indeed.

For those of you who don’t know, “autocorrect” is a feature mostly used in texting via cell phone, where the phone tries to guess what you meant to type and replaces what you typed with said guess.

Sounds like a recipe for disaster, doesn’t it? Well, it is. And in this case, it actually caused a high school to go into lockdown for two whole hours before the situation was resolved.

It all started when a student tried to text a friend “Gunna be at West hall this afternoon”. Seems simple enough, right?

But autocorrect, in all its dubious wisdom, turned “Gunna” into “Gunman”.

And the recipient of said text, instead of say, texting back asking “Did you mean to say gunman??”, freaked out, told the authorities, and madness ensued.

To me, autocorrect makes things worse far more often than better. It is way easier to simply absorb a typo (we cna figrue otu thigns pretyt esaily) than to deal with a completely wrong word in a sentence.

I mean, compare “I have to see you after clsas” with “I have to see you after Callais”.

I rest my case.

But people get caught up in this because autocorrect is turned on by default on most cell phones, and people don’t know they can turn that shit off.

Although after an incident like this one, they might take the time to learn.

That’s all for today, folks! Seeya tomorrow, with SCIENCE!

Boredom and terror

I know what you’re thinking, and no, this is not, for once, me talking about my childhood.

Instead, this time, I am going to talk about the movie I just finished watching, The Grudge, and the various thoughts about the genre of horror in general.

First, my encapsulated review : meh.

It was not a terrible movie, but it wasn’t very good either. I see that the users at IMDB rate it at about fifty seven percent, and Metacritic gives it a 49 percent, so I would say that the consensus more or less agrees with me.

What made it thought-provoking to me was the puzzle of what exactly made it not very good. (See, when you have a hyper analytical post modern brain, even mediocrity can be interesting!)

It is a question in my mind, because I have watched a lot of horror lately, and a lot of it was not exactly what one would called Grade A List film, and yet here is a movie produced by Sam Raimi (so you know Ted has a role) and “starring” Sarah Michelle Gellar (though honestly, she is not the one with the most screen time) and very well shot and with excellent special effects and whatnot. And yet, I liked the cheaper movies more. What gives?

Well, partly, it’s the movie’s complete lack of cues as to when we move in time. I have never seen a movie do so little to tell the viewer when the hell events are happening. Most movies or televisions shows have realized that the simplest and most effective device is to simply use a color filter, with maybe some other simple effect like fade or fuzz, to make each time period unique. Nope, not this film. So already, this film is making me run to keep up with it, which, as a fat guy, I intensely resent.

Plus, while all its devices were effectively delivered, none of them were particularly original or effective. There was only a few real scares in it for me, and even those were not big time scares, more like “Well, that was kind of spooky!”

But the big problem is that it really doesn’t feel like the scares and the plot are one solid whole. In fact, it often feels like they have nothing to do with each other, or even worse, that the tail is vigorously wagging the dog, and the plot is there to have something to justify the horror beats and not the other way around.

And that is one of the interesting things I realized while watching this uninteresting movie : horror, like comedy, works on specific beats that work towards a specific effect. Each “scare” in a horror movie has to work both as itself and as part of the larger whole, just like the gags in a comedy, although, of course, horror needs far fewer of them.

I mean, if the scares came as fast as the comedy beats in a good comedy, you would probably die.

Back to the movie in question. This talk of which end of the dog wags which is leading us to the main problem of the flick, and that is simply a lack of connective tissue. It simply does not add up to a whole movie. It just feels like parts without a whole, ingredients that never become a cake.

I had just been thinking, actually, right before watching this flick, that perhaps horror was like comedy in that really good jokes can compensate for lack of a strong plot, and then The Grudge comes along to prove me wrong.

Or at least, to illustrate that if you are not going to have a good plot, you better make sure your horror beats are really, really good. And these were not.

Another problem was the acting. None of the players seemed to really commit to their vulnerability, their fear, or their dread. A lot of them, in fact, seemed to be of the school of acting that seems to think “fear” and “surprise” are the exact same thing, when clearly they are not.

So there was no emotional engagement, and to me, this illustrated just how important emotional engagement is with a horror movie. The audience has to be able to connect with the characters in order to feel their fear and become scared themselves. This is where a lot of the more mindless slasher style horror films fail. They are about spectacle, not emotions.

Whereas the horror movies I love the most are the ones which are one coherent nightmare, where the scares emerge naturally from the overall plot and the writer understands that all horror is psychological horror, and that real scares come from the darkest parts of our minds, not the more obvious props of gore and cheap surprise.

That’s why one of my favorite horror properties of all time is The Shining. Written by Stephen King back when he wanted to write horror, the entire thing unfolds as one long horrible nightmare descent into the heart of madness, and so it not only scares you in its memorable and quotable parts, it disturbs you because you can feel a terrible resonance with the darkest parts of the human mind, the parts that we all share and that none of us like to talk about.

It gets us where we live, the deep down place where our primal animal selves dwell, underneath our civilized selves and down deep where we keep all our pain, fear, rage, and shame.

So to sum up (hah) : The Grudge is not a very good movie. The acting is unconvincing, the plot is far too thin, the scares are not very scary, the whole thing lack originality (and not just because it’s a remake), and the most interesting thing about the whole movie is the glimpses of life in Tokyo we get.

And when you favorite scene in a horror movie is one where one of the characters is trying to shop for food in a supermarket where none of the foods look faintly familiar, you know something went wrong.

Friday Science Whatzahoozit

So I didn’t feel like cracking open the thesaurus for another synonym for “meeting” this week. So what?

Got still more scintillating scientific stuff for you today, science fans, including the conclusion of a hot science mystery, news from the world of blood typing, and two different ways to turn your cell phone into a tricorder.

So let’s get started, shall we?

Yes. Yes we shall.

Blood Is Thicker

The main story here is that some researchers found two new blood types.

Pretty cool, huh? I mean, who knew that was even possible any more?

But the real story, to me and my poor understanding of state of the art serology anyhow, is that this does not, as the Twitter link to this story suggested people might think, raise the total number of blood types to 6.

“Of course not!” ” I haughtily thought. “It makes it eight!”

Turns out I was off by two. Well, a 2, actually. Turns out, adding two makes it twenty eight rare blood types now known to science.

Can a nerd say whaaaaa?

That means there are a total of thirty two of the damn things. And all I can think about is, do we really need that many?

What I want to know is, are some of those cross-compatible? The whole point of blood typing is to make sure the right blood goes into the right people. Can it truly be that everyone in these super rare types can only get blood from their own super rare type?

And if not, what is the point of keeping track?

Killer App For Hypochondriacs and Germphobes

Does this sound like a good idea to you? Or a terrible idea? A device to let you scan your food for E. Coli with your cell phone.

Seems like a fine idea on the surface. Who would not want to know, for a fact, that their food is safe before eating it? Our food is the consumer product with which we interact the most intimately, because not only do we take it directly into our bodies, eventually, it becomes our bodies.

Everything you are was once something that you ate. Think about that.

But the problem I see with a product like that is that most people do not have any idea what the baseline safe level of E. coli is, or how common the bug is, or how much they have been exposed to it without knowing it to absolutely no effect at all, or how good the human body is at handling that particular bug because, honestly, otherwise we’d be sick all the time.

So to me, this seems like a product that would do more harm than good by feeding into people’s irrational and excessive fears about germs and feed into the paranoia of people who are already vulnerable to that kind of thinking.

It is a dirty old world, folks. It is a hard truth to stomach, but you have made it this far without knowing. Your body can handle it. It is only your nerves that cannot.

Gattaca On Your iPad!

A much cooler form of scanning maybe be coming to your USB port in the future : a DNA scanner!

INSTANT WANT! I am serious, the moment I read the headline, my entire soul pulsed with the thought I WANT ONE. What would I do with it? Scan things, of course!

I mean, it’s a DNA scanner that you could use in your very own home! How tricorder can you get? I would be pestering people to let me scan them the moment I got the thing. To me, a thing like that has gizmo appeal off the charts. It completely buries the needle on my geekspazometer.

I could totally indulge my CSI fantasies. Want to find out for sure who took the chocolate bar from your lunch bag at work? Bring the bag to me, and DNA samples from all your co-workers, and let’s find out!

Of course, you would have to get permission to get the DNA samples, because taking them without permission would be totally wrong and completely illegal if you get caught.

I am kind of curious as to the legal status of epithelial cells shed in public places though. Surely it can’t be illegal to get some cells off a freely discarded Starbucks cup, can it? I mean, surely curbage applies at that point…

I better move on to the next subject before my inner mad scientist takes over.

But With A Whimper

Well, this ought to bring me back down to Earth. Remember that bit about the faster than light neutrinos thing I wrote about some time ago?

Even back then, I knew that it would likely all end in something hopelessly and tragically boring, and as it turns out, I was more right than I could possibly have guessed.

Ayup. Turns out that the problem was…. maestro, a highly sarcastic drumroll please… the answer to the big mystery of faster than light neutrinos was…. a incompletely plugged in computer cable!

That is so sad, it is hilarious. A whole big deal stir in the world of physics, something that got the whole world and even the mainstream press excited about the possibility of something, anything, going faster than the speed of light, and it turns out that the now infamous 60 nanoseconds of discrepancy that set the world on fire was merely a matter of cable latency.

That has to be the biggest scientific embarrassment since cold fusion, Piltdown Man, or that space mission that crashed because someone forgot to convert something into metric.

That last one still hurts. Stupid Americans, science is metric! Get with it!

Well that is all the juicy science news that I, your humble science watchdog, have to share with you this week. Tune in next week for more marvels and miracles from the world of science.

A week might seem like a long time. But judging about how I feel today, it will seem to have passed in very little time at all!

Clearing the decks

Time for another one of those “stuff hanging around in my browser and getting all too comfortable and leaving little brown rings on the furniture because they are addicted to Starbucks and never heard of a god damned coaster” posts. I have a bunch of lynx links to share with you fine folks tonight, with subjects ranging from politics to life advice to sleep, and I just can’t wait to share the bounty of the Web with you, my audience, who by reading these words breath life into them, and encourage me to write on, and construct still more long, rambling sentences.

An Interesting Suggestion

Recently I came across an article on Psych Central with an intriguing and mildly provocative title : Problem with Procrastination? Try Doing Nothing!

“But isn’t that the problem?” you ask. Of course it is, and the title is slightly misleading. The suggestion in the article is that in order to overcome the conflict inherent in procrastination, change the message in your mind from “I have to do X!” to “I don’t have to do X. I just can’t do anything else.” It seems like an almost silly suggestion, but I think it might work.

The problem with procrastination is that the more pressure you put on yourself to do X, the more frightening or unpleasant X becomes in your mind and hence the stronger your aversion to doing it. This leads to the all too familiar gridlock.

But if you just switch it to “I can’t do anything but X for this period of time”, eventually you will become bored and do X simply to relieve the boredom. But at any moment, there is no direct pressure to do X right that very second. You can remove the tension from the gridlock, and release it.

And them boom… productivity!

Rich Santorum Hates The Troops

Specifically, the veterans.

I mean, why else would he screw the nation’s largest veteran’s home out of a hundred million dollars?

Here is the basic story : the Armed Forces Retirement Home was in desperate need of money. The fifty cent per paycheck deduction from every active soldier’s paycheck was simply not enough money to keep such a facility going in peace time any more.

It had some land it planned to lease (not sell!) in order to get this much needed cash infusion. In the original deal, the land, worth $45 million, would be leased for 35 years for a total of $120 (or around $3.5 million a year). And of course, they would retain title to the land.

But apparently the Catholic Church coveted that land and did not feel like paying that much for it, so they called up their pal Senator Rick Santorum and he put an amendment into the bill authorizing the deal that forced the Armed Forces Retirement Home to sell (not lease) the land for $22 million, half of its market price.

Result : hundreds of veterans living in conditions too squalid and nightmarish for me to describe here.

What a swell guy, huh?

Perchance To Dream

Then there’s this intriguing article which puts forth the idea that expecting to sleep for eight hours in a row is a relatively modern phenomenon.

The contention by the subject of the article is that before the advent of gas light and later electric light, people slept in two periods, with an hour or two of wakefulness in between.

He backs up this contention with a host of historical references to “first sleep” and “second sleep”, and what you might do in the time between them. People did things like read, pray, chat, or make love to their bedfellows in between sleeps.

It makes sense. Back in the days of the candle, there was not a lot you could get done at night, and so spending a total of ten hours on sleep was no big deal. What else were you going to do?

But the idea that our natural sleep cycle is two four hour sleeps is a comforting one to me, because I have not slept for eight hours in a row since I was a child.

Another way in which modern life has forced the people to fit the machine and not the other way around.

Why Sleep Alone?

And speaking of bedfellows, this article claims that 35 percent of UK residents sleep with a teddy bear of some kind.

This result comes from the British hotel chain, who became interested when in the process of trying to reunite thousands of accidentally forgotten teddy bears with their owners, discovered that a lot of said owners were not, in fact, children.

So they did a survey of their customers, and found that over a third of UK residents claimed they slept with a teddy bear, and that includes a quarter of all men.

I find that a little hard to believe, but then again, perhaps the UK is more in love with the teddy than we are here in Canada.

I, of course, being a fully mature adult, do not sleep with such a childish and immature thing as a teddy bear doll.

I sleep with a fox plushy. Much better. Sometimes I cuddle him, and sometimes he is just there, watching over me, keeping me safe while I sleep.

Of course, I own two teddy bears and assorted other plush animals.

But I don’t sleep with them! Much. Very often. Lately.

Of course, now I kind of miss them….

End of Line

That is all the goodies I have for you tonight, my dear readers. Thank you once more, from the bottom of my heart, to all you people who make this possible by reading me.

Stayed tuned to this obscure blog for more interesting links, grandly random ramblings, deep personal soul-digging self-analysis, off kilter humour, sparkling bits of wonderful science, bitching about my shitty shitty sleep, and other such things tomorrow, and as far as I know, forever.

Well, I suppose when I die, I might have to take a bit of a break.

As I stumble…

I am a big, big fan of Internet phenom and time drain of the Gods, StumbleUpon. If you are not familiar with it, it’s basically a little toolbar with a magic button that you click and then it takes you to something random and awesome that another StumbleUpon user has submitted and which lots of yet more users have given a “thumbs up”.

Add in the fact that it only sends you places that match categories you choose yourself, and what it basically boils down to is a wonderful “show me something I will like” button.

The results are not one hundred percent, but they are not far off. I heart that little button very much. And it’s super addictive. You can sit there and click it for hours. Trust me!

This morning, I decided I was in a video mood, and told it to just send me to videos.

And before long, I had a bunch of videos I wanted to show you! Cool, huh?

So here we go! Let’s start with that crowd (and me) pleased, cute animal tricks!

Eye Of The Walrus

Question : How do you make your boring old Seaworld type show hip, cool, and awesome?

Answer : classic movie references!

Is that not solid gold entertainment? Total home run… it is funny, cute, and hip all at once. Out of the park, baby. Killer.

You know it’s brilliant because it creates what has to be one of the greatest audience reactions ever, the “revelation to laughter and applause at the same time”. The moment they realize what is going on, they are laughing and clapping. You just know that if you can get a reaction like that, your audience is going to remember that performance for a long time, and what more can you want as an entertainer?

Plus, of course, the walrus is a rather absurd looking animal, and lends itself easily to comedy.

Unlike, say, the majestic unicorn.

When Myths Can Sing

Juicy Fruit gum came up with what I think is a completely brilliant bit of viral marketing… the godo king, that is, the kind that actually creates something worth sharing and hence adds value.

Of course, I might be biased, because I am about to share it with you. But seriously… check this:

Just imagine losing your phone and having someone sending you that just when you are feeling really low! Would that not just make your day?

And I am very impressed with the quality. The puppet looks great, and the puppeteer obviously knows what he is doing. The set is amazingly rich and detailed. Everything about it just looks fantastic. The music is a little corny, but with that much charm going for it, who cares?

And they have a whole whack of them. There’s one for Happy Birthday, another for Let’s Hang Out This Weekend, and quite intriguingly, I Like You More Than A Friend.

You just know that one will make for an interesting How We Met story some day.

“Well, your father send me this unicorn that talks like Barry White… ”

Awesome stuff, Juicy Fruit!

Of course, some people do not need a whole elaborate setup to entertain you.

When Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

All they need is a deck of cards, a volunteer from the audience, a sharpie, and a pack of smokes.

Now, I was a little conflicted about whether I would link that vid for you folks. Not because it does not deserve it, exactly.

It’s just that I hate cigarettes and find them incredibly gross, and so I was not sure I could stomach sharing something so nicotine intensive with you nice people.

But this guy, Tom Mullica, is just so damn talented that I could not resist. His patter, his facial expressions, his audience rapport, and his absolutely exquisite timing all make me really like this guy, even if the whole cigarette thing grosses me out.

When I watched the clip, I was hoping against all reason that he was using sleight of hand, but no, clearly he is beyond superb at the always a little dubious “swallow” magic, where the magician learns to partially swallow, store, and retrieve objects at will.

Including lit cigs. Eww.

Still, I have to admire the guy’s showmanship. He really knows what he is doing. I tip my imaginary hat to his skill.

Because then I don’t need toilet paper. LOL. Eww, but… LOL.

And finally, a guy who has kept many of us entertained over the years…

A Savage Obsession

… especially those of us who like science and explosions!

You would not think someone talking about their obsession with making their own dodo skeleton and their very own Maltese Falcon would be so damn interesting and compelling, but when it’s Adam Savage of Mythbusters fame and he injects it all with his unique brand of breathless, infectious enthusiasm, you just can’t help but be swept along for the ride.

In many way, I envy his ability to be obsessed with things. I seem to lack that ability. All my fellow nerds seem to have their pet obsessions, but I have never operated like that. I tend to sort of take what floats my way and not aggressively pursue any one particular interest or another for very long.

Partly, that is just my passive personality. Another part of it is my tendency to resist anything that has no obvious end point.

But mostly, I think it is the way I go through live at right angles to everyone else. I drift sideways through channels, never staying in one for all that long, because I am more interested in what is going on in the next channel over.

It gives me a very broad point of view, but shallow compared to people who have certain things they know a great deal about.

I guess I am just into a little of everything. A dedicated generalist to the end.

So who knows what I will post next?

Friday Science Assemblage

Another week has whirled by like a snowflake spinning through the cold night air, and once more, we have alighted upon the doorstep of Dame Science, there to sample the marvels and delights she so generously and regularly gifts upon us.

This week’s crop contains traces of medicine, psychology, the mortuary sciences, and laundry from space.

So let us get started on our little tour, and see what wonders await us!

The Plastic People

Let’s get the ghoulish stuff out of the way first, okay?

First off, we are not talking about people who have fake, shallow personalities, or people who have had so much plastic surgery that they no longer qualify as organic life forms, or as the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation would put it, “Your Plastic Pal Who’s Fun To Be With”.

No, we are talking about human beings who are being turned into plastic in China.

It should come as no surprise that said people are dead both before and after this process. The process involves a complex series of steps in which various organic tissues are slowly and carefully replaced with plastics and polymers. End result : something quite like a medical cadaver, but one which does not rot or decay or, presumably, smell.

Obviously, this would be a fantastic teaching aid, and cut down on the number of actual medical cadavers needed by medical schools worldwide.

Alas, the article does not note whether a plastinized corpse can then be mass produced. One would assume the answer would be no. But still, it’s going to help medical education enormously.

And, I suppose, some people will use it to preserve a loved one forever. Eek.

Laundry From SPACE!

That covered, let’s talk about how in the future, you will be doing your laundry in a giant levitating futuristic letter Q from outer space.

Well, maybe. It’s just a concept now, but it is just so cool that I had to share it.

It looks like this :

I have your laundry, Jean-Luc!

Does that not just scream “sexy like the future”?

The idea is that your laundry would be in that ball in the middle, which is suspending in midair by an electromagnetic field, and then powdered sublimated dry ice would be blaster into the chamber. When this hits the dirt and germs on your clothes, it reacts, breaking them down and unsticking them from your clothes. Then it’s just a matter of filtering the gunk from the air inside the ball, and depositing it in a tube you can rinse, and presto chango, you have clean clothes in a matter of minutes.

It all seems quite impractical to me, but also beautiful. There’s so many questions, like, won’t my clothes be ruined by the cold? Will this mean I have to buy dry ice all the time in order to do laundry? How much energy does all this use?

But still, you have to admit, you can totally imagine people on the USS Enterprise doing laundry this way, can’t you?

A Pharmacy In Your Abdomen

And speaking of hyper-futuristic idea, what if there could be a device implanted inside your body that delivered all the drugs you need without you having to take another pill or remember to take your medicine ever again?

This could be coming to a hospital near you quite soon. The first such devices have already been tested in human beings. Seven elderly severe osteoporosis patients in Denmark had a year’s worth of medicine delivered by one, with no side effect and with the same dosages as if they had been taking the medicine the usual way.

The devices are controlled wirelessly, and contain tiny “wells” of the necessary drug(s) that can be activated by the patient, their physician, or a computer program.

Don’t worry, the wireless controls are extremely secure, so nobody is going to hack your bloodstream. Still, I can imagine an unscrupulous doctor using said system as a very high tech form of extortion.

Want your next painkiller dose? Slip me a fifty.

But what really fascinates me about this sort of thing is that it represents a sort of second endocrine system for your body. Once it’s in there, it’s basically an organ, and acts as one until the drugs run out, allowing for realtime chemical manipulation of your body.

It’s not hard to imagine one of these being integrated with the new crop of “medical lab on a chip” type devices, then set to deliver X amount of drug Y when condition Z is detected in the bloodstream.

Teach it to synthesize drugs out of your own bloodstream, and you basically have invented a new kind of human being. A cyborg on an intimate level.

I, for one, would volunteer to have my meds delivered thus. It would make me feel a lot more like a normal human being, not a sickly person on a lot of meds.

And speaking of my sicknesses…

A Definitive Depression Diagnosis?

An exciting new study suggests that there might well be a way to diagnose depression with a blood test.

It is just one study and the results were not perfect, but still, it is a tantalizing prospect.

It would mean an enormous amount for there to be a way to definitively say a person has depression. Far more than the medical science implications would be the impact on us sufferers.

Simply put, it would definitively prove depression is real. We depressives have an invisible illness, one which currently shows up on no physiological test, and so it is always possible for people, especially ourselves, to think there is no real illness, and we are, instead, just terrible people with massive personality defects.

A blood test could go a long way to dispelling that feeling, and that could be enormous help to depression sufferers like myself. When confronted with the disbelievers, we would be able to point to our blood tests and say “Hard science says you are wrong. ”

It would no longer be “all in our heads”.

The Internet Is Weird

No really, it is!

Today, I decided it was time to show you some of the weird stuff you can find on the Internet.

Don’t ask me where I found these links, it’s a long and boring tale. Let’s just say I know a lot of interesting people online, and they share things with me sometimes.

In order to keep things from getting too intense, though, I will also space out the weird products with some messed up pics.

After all, you can’t live on weird Internet products alone! You need some roughage in your diet or all these weird dishes will just make you ill.

So let’s start with something funny.

Single Gay Man

The awful truth!

Yes, it’s true. People have all kids of ideas about what we homosexual types get up to, and yes, some of us are really like that. Stereotypes always have some basis in truth. At one point, a lot of black people really did eat fried chicken and watermelon. (Fried chicken because frying chicken made low-grade chicken taste better, and watermelon because they were easy to grow in the South. )

But a lot of us are nothing like that. I have never been to a gay dance club in my life. I hate night clubs and dance clubs. I know very little about fashion, although I have a very sharp sense of aesthetics. So I might be able to help you pick out an outfit, if I must, but don’t ask me what is “in” or “out” this season. I have no idea and what’s more, I don’t care.

Plus I am not kinky at all. All that “Master and Servant” stuff leaves me cold. The clothing looks sort of cool, but my idea of romance is warm and cuddly and intimate, not mean and nasty and violent.

What can I say, I have a sunshiny libido. Go fig.

Well, that was nice, but now it’s time for the weird stuff.

Looking for the perfect gift for the really, really, REALLY weird person on your list?

How about a big bag of raccoon dicks from Skulls Unlimited? [1]

Well, technically, not the entire penis. That would be gross!

Just the penis bone, otherwise known as the os penis or the bacula. But for the low low price, considering, of $39.99 (plus shipping and handling, and what a fun shipping department Skulls Unlimited must have), you can be the proud owner of 50, count them, 50 raccoon pecker bones.

It would make the perfect gift for the budding serial killer on your shopping list. He will love using them to decorate his secret necropolis.

The description is short, but packed with mystery.

Each bag contains 50+ second quality raccoon bacula (penis bones). Suitable for art and craft projects. Limited Quantity.

Second quality? You mean there are even better raccoon pecker bones out there? What, pray tell, are the criterion here? Is it just a matter of size, or do the first quality ones come from raccoon Don Juans?

And “suitable” for arts and crafts projects? Define “suitable” here for me. Is it like “collectable”? You know, a meaningless word that somehow conveys a sense of false value?

And you bet the supplied are limited. I am not entirely sure where they are getting these things in the first place (roadkill?) but I can’t imagine they have enormous warehouses full of the things. [2]

But why stop at decoration? Why not use them as toothpicks for hors d’ouvres?

Oh right. Because that would be horrible.

But hey, if it’s going to be that kind of party, why not also go for this innovative way to serve your guests some colorful candies?

The pic is kinda NSFW, so you will have to click it to see it.

Oh, and heterosexuality alert! It involves a naked-ish lady.

Want some candy? Or some Candy? Click to enlarge.

I like this image. Candy has a very powerful place in the zeitgeist, as does sex, obviously, and this picture is, I think, a quite inspired union of the two.

Plus, I can totally see this being taped to the wall of Willy Wonka’s bathroom.

Finally, the piece de resistance of today’s offering, a product guaranteed to make your skin crawl and your children squeal with glee, called Squishy Baff.

This here video clip gives you the idea.

Finally, a product to turn nice harmless innocent bath water into a horrifying, disgusting, squishy, slimy, eyeball raping goo sure to make you want to lose your lunch.

Seriously, I shudder when I watch that video. I am sure the kids would love it, I want to make that clear. But to me, it’s nightmare fuel. It looks positively horrifying and my skin crawls when I try to imagine what it feels like to be in it.

And not to be gross or anything, but imagine just where that stuff is going to end up in a bathtub with active, wriggling kids in it.

Then imagine seeing it coming out again. That could scar a parent or caretaker for lift. Especially the red variety… that would be especially ghastly.

Bet it would keep coming out for days, too, if my experience with sand from the beach as a wee child is anything to go by.

Still, if the kids love it, it would be worth it. Probably. I guess.

Seriously, though. I don’t know about you folks, but I find this Squishy Baff stuff even more disturbing than a bag of raccoon peckers.

After all, bones are just bones. A little gruesome, granted, but they are clean and dry and perfectly harmless. They are just interestingly shaped calcium now.

Squishy Baff, on the other hand, is a visceral nightmare offense against all sense of decency or restraint. It makes me fear the future.

Granted, I might be unique in that.

Footnotes    (↵ returns to text)

  1. Or as I prefer to call them, Skull Sun Limited.
  2. Or maybe I just don’t want to imagine it. Either way.